If you find yourself begging for attention in a relationship, it’s no wonder your patience is running thin.
Being in a situation like this is frustrating.
It makes you wonder if your partner even cares about your relationship at all.
After all, if they truly loved you, wouldn’t they want to make time for you?
The good news is: there is a way out of the cycle of feeling desperate for attention and never actually getting your needs fulfilled.
Why Do I Have to Beg for Attention?
Maybe you’re wondering: Why do I need constant attention from my boyfriend?
The simple answer is that if you always feel like you’re pleading for love and affection, it’s because your efforts have been unsuccessful.
Your partner isn’t meeting your needs, so in turn, you feel like you have to continue begging.
To break this vicious cycle, you first need to understand why you’ve resorted to begging for attention from your partner in the first place. The following are some potential reasons:
- Your significant other doesn’t understand your needs. It’s not that they don’t care about you, but they just don’t understand what you need from them. Perhaps you have different love languages, so what comes naturally to you isn’t so natural for them.
- You aren’t communicating your needs effectively. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. If you haven’t clearly communicated what you want from them, you can’t expect them to meet those expectations.
- Your partner doesn’t care about what you need. If you have been open with your partner about what you need from them, and you still find yourself begging for their attention, consider the possibility that they just don’t care. It might seem harsh, but it’s better to realize sooner rather than later if that’s the case.
Why Begging for Attention Isn’t Healthy
No matter the reason behind it, begging for attention is never healthy. There are more productive ways to deal with this kind of problem.
You should never beg for attention, or you might notice the following unhealthy effects:
- It has taken a toll on your mental health.
- There’s negativity and resentment in your relationship that wasn’t there before.
- Your self-esteem is plummeting, or you feel unworthy of love.
- You’ve noticed you get into fights with your partner more often.
Tired of Begging for Attention? 13 Changes and Strategies to Claim Your Self-Respect
Don’t beg for love – there are better ways to address the problem. The following are strategies to reclaim your self-respect and stop begging your partner for what you need.
1. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
If your relationship used to be fulfilling, but now you find yourself desperate for affection, there is a chance your partner feels the same way you do. So what happened?
Sometimes, when one partner doesn’t feel like they are getting the attention they crave, they shut down emotionally and stop giving affection. This results in a cycle where both partners feel emotionally neglected and can’t meet each other’s needs.
You can break this cycle by getting the courage to put yourself out there first. Be vulnerable with your partner. When you put their needs first, they’ll be more likely to change their behavior too.
2. Build your self-confidence.
When you are constantly begging for attention from your partner, it starts to take a toll on your self-esteem. You might feel worthless and insecure.
Those feelings might amplify until you feel entirely codependent on your partner. You’re in a state of needing nearly constant reassurance to feel secure in your relationship.
By building your self-confidence, you won’t need as much assurance from your partner and will no longer feel the need to beg for their attention. You can begin by recognizing that begging for attention is unworthy of you.
You are accomplished, smart, and deserving of your lover’s presence and attention. You can address the issue from a place of strength and calm when you believe in yourself.
3. Be clear and maintain open communication.
Your needs are important. However, you can’t expect your significant other to meet them unless you tell them what those needs are.
If you feel you aren’t getting enough attention in your relationship, subtlety isn’t going to work in your favor. Instead, be as clear and straightforward about your needs as possible.
Tell them exactly what you need to feel secure in the relationship. Your partner will likely respond better to open communication rather than you begging for their attention.
4. Consider outside factors.
Before jumping to conclusions, consider external reasons that your partner might be ignoring your pleas for attention.
The problem might be with your significant other entirely and out of your control. For example, maybe they recently received a promotion that has left them feeling overworked and drained. They still love you, but they can’t pour from an empty cup.
Knowing that it’s not necessarily your fault won’t make the problem disappear, but it can help you cope with the anxiety if you feel like you’re just not good enough.
5. Work to improve your relationship.
If your relationship with your partner has been strained lately, it’s no surprise they haven’t been giving you the attention you need.
Often, when there are underlying issues in a relationship, it causes an emotional strain. Your partner feels distant from you, so they aren’t giving you as much love and affection as they normally would.
The good news is, if you put in the work to improve your relationship, there’s no doubt that you can spark the passion again.
6. Focus on self-improvement.
It's easy to feel resentful when your wife, husband, or partner isn’t giving you the love you feel you deserve. You might feel tempted to resort to toxic ways of getting their attention.
One of the best ways to deal with a situation where you feel neglected is to focus on self-improvement. Start spending time in nature, reading personal development books, or even working out at the gym.
When your partner sees you bettering yourself, they will likely come to the understanding that they don’t want to lose you and take steps to make things right.
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7. Keep an empathetic mindset.
If you feel you are constantly begging for attention, try to view the situation from your partner’s perspective.
Perhaps they are going through a difficult time in their life; maybe their mental health has declined, and they know they aren’t meeting your needs, but they don’t have the capacity to give you more attention.
Empathy for your partner in these situations will get better results than fighting with each other.
8. Spend quality time together.
Maybe you feel like you’re constantly having to beg your partner for attention, but the real problem is you’re not getting a lot of quality time with each other.
If both you and your partner have busy schedules, you might be like two ships passing in the night. Over time, this can lead to a dwindling passion until you eventually take each other for granted.
Try planning a weekly date night or even just set aside some time for a movie night on the couch.
9. Avoid resorting to toxic tactics.
A strategy many people use when they feel neglected emotionally by their partners is upsetting them on purpose just to get their attention.
You feel so desperate that you want to do anything that will hurt your significant other, so they finally give you the love and affection you’ve been craving. Maybe you flirt with their friends in front of them or start giving the silent treatment to get under their skin.
This strategy will likely backfire on you, so avoid resorting to passive-aggressive behaviors like these.
10. Know that your needs matter.
Perhaps you’ve tried to discuss the issue, but nothing has changed. You’re starting to feel like you’re crazy! Maybe you’re wondering: Am I asking too much? Why won’t they give me the attention I need?
When you feel forced to beg for attention, it often leads to thoughts like these. You start to doubt yourself and feel like you’re the one in the wrong.
However, this isn’t the case. Everyone deserves love and affection from their significant other, so your needs are justified.
11. Give yourself grace.
You’ve decided that your days of begging for attention are in the past. As much as you want to change, it’s not something that happens in a day.
There are inevitably going to be times when you slip up, and that’s okay. It’s not easy to change your habit of begging for affection, so be kind to yourself whenever you have a bad day.
Give yourself grace throughout the process. Don’t be discouraged if you fall back into your old ways, and make sure to celebrate every little victory.
12. Recognize you are only in control of yourself.
Perhaps you’ve brought up your needs to your significant other multiple times, but they haven’t made any changes. You’re tired of begging and frustrated at the lack of improvement.
You wouldn’t treat your partner this way, so why are they doing it to you? You might be driving yourself crazy with this mindset, but it’s a waste of your energy.
You are only in control of yourself and your actions. Your partner’s actions are entirely on them, and if they are not meeting your needs, that isn’t necessarily your fault.
13. Remove yourself from the situation.
Sometimes, no matter how you try to remedy the situation, things just don’t get better. If you find that your relationship hasn’t improved after trying some of these strategies, maybe it’s time to walk away.
Even though you love your partner, it might be easier to find a new relationship that meets your needs rather than trying to force an unhealthy one to work.
It’s never easy, but removing yourself from a situation you’re not happy with will allow you to regain your self-respect. You deserve a partner who makes you feel loved, so don’t settle for anything less!
Don’t beg for attention in a relationship. Having a partner who isn’t meeting your needs can be frustrating, but there are better ways to deal with the situation!
By focusing on ways to regain self-respect, you can improve your relationship and fix the problem – or recognize it’s time to move on.