Have your hopes for love been dashed so often that you wish you could restrain your heart?
Your desire for love is normal.
People want and need human connection, including romance.
However, your need for love does not automatically mean that someone will return the love.
If you're hoping to break the cycle of giving your heart only to have it rejected, then you need to learn how to not fall in love.
Learning to protect your heart doesn't mean you'll never find love.
But developing this skill prevents you from setting yourself up for disappointment.
Why Do I Fall for Someone So Fast?
Human biology and an emotional need for acceptance are the main drivers of falling in love too fast. You really cannot discount the physiological forces bubbling beneath the surface that trigger your love response.
Loretta G. Breuning, Ph.D., author of Happy Brain, explains the scientific research behind falling in love too quickly. Essentially, Dr. Breuning says that chemicals released by our bodies during the pursuit and acquisition of love make us feel good, really good.
The primary bodily mechanisms at work are:
- Biological survival drive urges behavior that could lead to reproduction.
- Romantic excitement delivers a dopamine dose to your brain.
- Oxytocin releases during physical intimacy and encourages bonding.
When your relationship fizzles, you naturally feel sad. Your body got used to those pleasant chemical sensations, and now you don't have your love drugs anymore.
Even if you understand these biological facts, you may still wonder, “Why do I fall in love so fast and always end up getting hurt?” Why didn't the other person feel things as intensely as you did and make true love blossom?
Although chemical responses can drive people's behavior, they do not automatically overrule all other thoughts and feelings.
Some people fear the intensity of their emotions and will retreat from love. They question whether they are ready for commitment.
On the other hand, you seem to welcome the intense feelings that come with love. Your enthusiasm represents a mismatch with your previous partners. They were not craving the full-blown deep connection of love as much as you.
Why Do I Fall in Love So Easily? 15 Tips for Holding on to Your Heart
If you're longing to know, “How can I stop falling in love so easily,” you should place a value on your emotional energy. When you do, you'll learn to spend that energy when it's worth the effort.
Try to target your potential partners more strategically instead of casting a wide net. This one change could increase the chance that your love investment will pay off.
Here are some additional tips to be more discerning about giving your love to someone.
1. Admit that you're emotionally exhausted.
You wouldn't be searching for tips for how to avoid falling in love if you weren't tired of getting your heart stomped.
The time for a change has come because what you've been doing is not working for you. It's time to start working on the new you.
2. Take more time to focus on yourself.
As you regroup, give yourself a break from looking for love. Set up an “out of office” message for your love-starved brain.
This action will prepare you mentally for those times when you catch yourself considering the merits of a potential love interest.
Instead, use your time and mental energy to engage in fulfilling activities, like hobbies.
3. Next time you meet someone interesting, remind yourself about those love chemicals.
Once the thrill of the chase sets in, your brain will want to make those dopamine deliveries keep coming.
You don't have to deny yourself this pleasure, but awareness of biological urges can help you keep a clear head.
4. Set aside fears of losing someone you like.
In the past, have you gone into full capture mode when you meet someone who you like? Did you fret about that person dating someone else and slipping away?
This fear heightens your emotional responses and makes everything feel so urgent. Try to free yourself of these concerns so that you can feel comfortable proceeding slowly.
5. Don't let yourself think about your crush all of the time.
You've fixated so long on finding love that your mind habitually daydreams about the object of your desire.
When you've been pondering your potential partner too much, it's time to distract yourself. Find something else to occupy your mind so that your brain doesn't get stuck in a love loop again.
6. When you start dating, retain your independence.
As you start seeing someone, take steps to avoid being clingy. You don't have to be together every day.
Take it slow and give yourself plenty of time to see if this connection is real or just infatuation.
7. Keep making time for friends and family after you meet someone.
To resist the temptation to fall in love, maintain the relationships that you already have.
Call or visit family members. Make plans with your friends. Keep going to your book club, yoga class, or gym.
8. Don't be afraid of being single.
You do not need a relationship to define your identity. Many cultures have strong traditions centered around people pairing off and marrying.
Movies, television shows, books, and music frequently promote the concept of falling in love. Media has a strong influence on how we perceive the world, but no one's life is a storybook.
Although you may feel like you must be in a romantic relationship, that's not the case. Many people live fulfilling and happy lives as singles.
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9. You should avoid rushing into physical intimacy.
Heavy petting and sexual intercourse produce oxytocin, especially in women. Oxytocin is the chemical that builds bonds between people.
If you take a slow approach to getting physically intimate, you can delay the influence of this biological response until you can determine if someone is a good match for you.
10. Ask your friends for their opinions about whether this person is a good match.
Because you believe that you fall in love too easily, you probably have a hard time being objective.
Seek out the opinions of your friends and family about someone who you like. What they have to say might help you rethink falling in love at that moment.
11. Take off your rose-colored glasses and let yourself be critical.
Making a conscious effort to notice a person's flaws could help you become more objective. As a loving person, you're quick to forgive.
To overcome your charitable nature, pay attention to the other person's mannerisms or traits that bother you. Focusing on the negative sounds harsh, but this exercise can protect you from falling in love.
12. Avoid overwhelming a love interest with texts, calls, and social media interaction.
Good relationships have boundaries. You don't want to smother the person with too much contact.
If you send texts or tag people on social media multiple times a day for no good reason, the other person might feel overwhelmed or suffocated. Responding to you will become a burden.
13. If a relationship grows, give yourself space from time to time to reassess the situation.
Even when a relationship seems to be going well, you both need time by yourselves outside of being a couple.
Making occasional plans without the other person allows you both to maintain separate identities. You don't want to become dependent on having your “other half” with you.
14. Knowing you're vulnerable to your emotions, stay in control of them.
If you've never learned to manage your emotional reactions, then it's time to start. You can't stop emotions from happening, but you don't have to let them dictate your every action.
Teach yourself to recognize your emotions, and then think about what would be your best next step.
If you want to stop falling in love all of the time, then promote yourself to the boss of your emotions. You've been an emotional employee too long.
15. Protect yourself from being taken advantage of.
Those who fall easily in love can get hurt just as easily. You could have more at stake than a broken heart.
There is no shortage of “takers” on this planet who'll find your willingness to fall in love very convenient. You don't want to get used for money, a place to live, or just for amusement.
Let Love Grow Organically
Falling in love and having it last doesn't happen overnight. That “love at first sight” feeling could simply be lust or just a fear of missing out.
You might find that love comes to you if you stop chasing it. Being comfortable with yourself could help more people notice you and take a romantic interest.