What are the first signs of attraction when two people have a strong, unspoken connection but aren’t quite ready to admit it?
That depends on who you are and what’s at stake.
Chances are, if nothing is keeping you apart, you’ll eventually admit your attraction and grow closer to each other.
Because, whatever people tell you about the importance of having compatible beliefs, worldviews, and habits, chemistry is essential, too.
So, how exactly do you recognize it when it’s there?
What Is Unspoken Attraction?
Whether you’re talking about unspoken attraction at work or an unspoken attraction between friends, the evidence is pretty much the same, though the first signs of it may differ.
The following factors can influence just how obvious those signs will be:
- Whether or not one or both of them are married or dating someone else
- The risks involved in acknowledging the attraction (e.g., dating a coworker)
- The degree of confidence and self-esteem in each of the people involved
- The plans each one has for their future (career, family, etc.)
- How quickly the signs develop in each of them (not always in sync).
17 Signs of Unspoken Mutual Attraction
How to know if someone is attracted to you? The signs will eventually become harder to ignore.
What are the first signs of attraction? It depends on the dynamics of your relationship. Someone who has reason to hide their interest isn’t going to drop obvious hints.
Look through the signs of secret attraction below and ask yourself which ones make sense given how your relationship started and what could happen if your attraction goes public.
1. You tease each other (and enjoy it).
You have to be comfortable with someone to enjoy teasing or being teased by them. With this person, you feel safe and appreciated when they’re teasing you. And you see the same trust and amusement in their face when you tease them back.
No one else gets away with teasing you as much as they do. They have a special license with you, and you with them. In fact, they have a blank check. And you trust them not to abuse it. But you’d probably forgive them if they did now and then.
2. You smile more around each other.
When they’re around, you smile more than you usually do. And why wouldn’t you when you feel so much better when they’re around? You see the smile on their face when they see you, and it lights you up inside.
You feel yourself unclench and relax as you allow yourself to simply enjoy their company. And you revel in the observation that they seem to be enjoying yours just as much.
3. You try to impress each other.
For some reason, they seem to be going the extra mile to get your attention and impress you. And if they accomplish that, they seem in even better spirits.
You can’t help making the same effort for them, either, though you might tell yourself you’re just trying to be a better person. What they think of you matters. And you want the thought of you to give them a reason to smile.
4. You remember random details about each other.
You notice random, small details about each other — like the way his hair usually sticks up on one side of his head or the way she picks the olive slices off her pizza.
It’s endearing, in a weird way, and you either adapt to it or catch yourself looking for that detail and smiling with reassurance when you see it. It’s part of them, so it’s important. And you find ways to let them know everything about them matters to you.
5. You anticipate each other’s needs and wants.
You have an unspoken understanding that allows you to tune into their mood and anticipate what they need. You’re also likely to pick up on what they want to do (or not do) or what they’re about to say.
Your connection goes deep enough you can even feel what they’re feeling, though you may not understand why. But you’ll do your best to give them what they need.
6. You forget other people are in the room.
When you’re together, you both tend to focus on each other, to the exclusion of everyone else. You may both try to remedy that by turns, but you keep returning to the center of your attention, which is your favorite person.
At first, you’re riveted because they put your mind and body on high alert. At some point, though, when you both sense the attraction (platonic or otherwise) is mutual, you feel so at home with them, you feel their absence like an ache you can’t soothe away.
7. You can feel the chemistry between you.
When this person comes in view, you can feel the chemistry right away. Since you’re thinking of them all the time, you’re feeling the effects of that chemistry all the time. And it’s annoying. And distracting. And make it stop!
After all, it’s not something you can just switch off, much as you’d like to (so you can sleep, focus on work, etc.)
This chemistry comes from having a strong emotional connection, even if you never actually talk about feelings. Because going there would definitely lead to a crossroads for your relationship.
8. You appreciate each other’s humor.
Maybe you roll your eyes at some of their jokes, but you can’t help smiling anyway because… it’s them.
And you get their humor, even when you don’t. Your connection means never having to ask, “What were you thinking?” though you might ask it, anyway.
They’re your person, and their humor is an extension of a personality you’ve come to love, whether or not you’re ready to admit it.
9. You look for excuses to be around each other.
You love their company so much, you look for excuses to spend time with them or around them, just to hear their voice, to see them, and (you hope) have their attention for a while.
Fortunately, they seem to want the same thing, so you’re spending a lot more time together than you used to. And you love it.
The flipside, of course, is that you feel their absence more than you used to. And you’re definitely not loving that.
10. You look for excuses to touch.
You keep it clean — just friendly touches that both of you are fine with. You might not even realize how much you’re touching until someone else points it out.
At some point, the touches become less platonic and more I-wouldn’t-do-this-with-anyone-else (not that you mind. Because you don’t).
These are touches you’re both likely to notice and, if you’re both on the same page, welcome and reciprocate. What comes next is predictable.
11. Your faces light up when you see each other.
And that’s not to mention the stuff going on inside your bodies that no one really wants to know about — aside from the sudden pounding of the heart and the sensation of your stomach dropping into your feet.
Much as you enjoy each other’s company, those physical responses still come along for the ride. Because, whether you’re ready to admit it or not, you’re crazy about each other.
12. You can talk to each other about anything.
You’re comfortable being vulnerable with each other. No topic is off-limits, and both of you are open and empathetic with each other.
Your guard is down with them, and you feel that they’re more themselves when they’re with you. Both of you see each other.
Maybe you started out with a platonic friendship, but you’re both feeling something else developing between you. And if nothing is keeping you apart, why not continue learning as much as you can about each other (since you enjoy it so much)?
13. You both try to look your best when the other is around.
You make an extra effort to look good when you know you’re going to be around each other. And even when you don’t, you find you spend more time on your hair, face, clothes, housekeeping, etc.
You want to imagine they see you whenever you catch your reflection and like what you see. You want to look at your home and love how clean and relaxing it feels because they just might visit. And that’s reason enough.
14. You blush (or show other signs of agitation) when they’re around.
You’re agitated, that’s all. That’s what you tell yourself as you leave the room or turn your face away before someone notices your burning cheeks.
You hope no one notices your reaction when they walk into the room. You forget what you were saying a moment ago. It probably wasn’t important. What’s important now is the ringing in your ears or the shakiness of the hand holding your drink.
Then they walk up to you, and you feel as though all your different dimensions are in sync with each other. And all is right with the world.
15. You can be comfortable together with or without talking.
You feel at ease with this person whether you’re talking or just enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence.
You’re so in tune that you can feel when they want to talk and when they just need some quiet time with you nearby.
And they seem to have the same sense about you (at least sometimes). You easily transition from laughing and teasing each other to comfortable silence to deep conversations without ever feeling like you’re trying too hard.
It’s just what you do when you’re together.
16. You make each other laugh.
You both can make the other laugh — with a joke, with a tease, or with a funny story or random bit of trivia. You find conversation with them so natural that ideas for making them laugh come quickly and often. It’s effortless.
It helps, too, that their laughter is the best sound in the world to you — and yours to them, apparently. Because they keep cracking you up.
17. You mimic each other in subtle (or not-so-subtle) ways.
Gradually you become more conscious of the fact that you’re mimicking some of their behaviors and expressions. In doing so, you make them at least partially present, which is comforting. Plus, you can’t always help yourself.
Their mannerisms have gotten under your skin, and sometimes you catch yourself doing or saying things that remind you of them. This is how you are now. You’ve assimilated each other. It’s not weird.
Can Other People See Chemistry Between Two People?
It’s not exactly fair, but, often enough, everyone but the couple sees the chemistry between them for an embarrassing amount of time before they figure it out themselves.
That said, it’s not a guarantee that the couple will be the last to notice. Some folks are more observant or more perceptive than others, and some have the benefit of experience that makes it easier for them to spot chemistry in other couples.
If a friend or family member has remarked on the “obvious chemistry” between you and someone else, how important is that chemistry to the relationship’s success?
According to Carol Cassell, author of Put Passion First, everyone should be able to rate their physical attraction to a person as a solid six or higher (higher is better) on a scale of 1 to 10 before considering taking the relationship to the next level.
Compatibility of beliefs is essential. But without passion, your connection will likely never progress beyond the platonic or let’s-see-if-we-can-spark-something stage.
Put the spark first. Then consider the rest.
Do you see the signs of unspoken mutual attraction?
Now that you know the signs of unspoken mutual attraction, which ones have you noticed between the two people you’re thinking of? And are you the only one who’s noticed?
If there’s a real connection between them, chances are, the answer is no.
If you’re one of the people in question, and if nothing and no one is coming between you and the person to whom you’re attracted, what will you do this week to let them know what you’re feeling? How will you show them what they mean to you?