Can you fall in love again?
After the bond between you has broken, can it be rebuilt?
If you want to fall in love again with the same person, it’ll take work.
Love isn’t just something that happens to you.
Passionate feelings come and go.
But keeping the love alive between you — or renewing that passion — comes down to a choice you make every day.
You were in love once.
How do you get back to that?
Falling Back in Love
If the question on your mind is “Will I fall in love again?” the short answer is “That’s up to you both.” You are capable of making that happen — but not alone. It’ll take both of you.
It’s not as easy to fall back in love again as it was to fall in love for the first time. You know things about this person you didn’t know before. And while you still love them and you still want to strengthen the love between you, all you have right now is the will to keep it going.
You’re not alone in this. Every couple’s relationship has its low points when it comes to passion. And it’s not all on you to make this relationship all it can be.
So, make sure your partner is also willing to put the effort in. Working together will make your bond stronger.
It also helps to have a plan.
How to Fall in Love Again: 9 Ways to Rekindle Your Feelings
Here are nine essential steps to take towards falling back in love with your partner. Look through them, and make a note of the ones that stand out for you.
1. Recall the Things You Love About Them
You didn’t fall in love for no reason. Even if you feel yourself drifting away from them, there are still things about them that you love.
Recall those things. You can even make a list of good qualities your partner has.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore faults or red flags, of course. Be mindful when remembering all the things your partner has done for you. Don’t make excuses for their wrongdoings, but take a moment to focus on their strengths.
2. Be Open to Something New
Falling back in love won’t feel the same as falling in love the first time. Many things will be different, most likely for the better. It’s good to remember why you fell in love, but don’t cling to the way things used to be. Be open to change.
In a healthy relationship, there will be growth and development. It’s essential to find ways to love your partner even as they change.
If you can learn to do that, you can avoid falling out of love again.
3. Do Some Soul-Searching
Just because you’ve grown apart doesn’t mean you or your partner is to blame. Maybe neither of you really did anything wrong.
Still, it helps to look inward, especially if you have someone to help you deal with what you find. What do you want out of this relationship? What has caused you to grow apart? Is there any way you can do things differently this time around?
Before you can choose to put effort into a relationship, you have to understand yourself. Don’t rush back in before knowing what you really want.
4. Be Kind to Them
Even if it is partially their fault, don’t take out your frustration on them. Healthy bonds are built on mutual support. Don’t tear them down, even if you’re angry.
This doesn’t mean you should repress any negative emotions you feel towards them. Find a way to work through those feelings with a supportive third party (ideally a therapist), so you can resist the temptation to bring up your grievances with your partner continually.
If they want to know what’s bothering you, be honest without using that opportunity to punish them for past offenses. Whatever’s happened between you, you can still be kind.
5. Have a Heart-to-Heart
Once you’ve figured out what you’re upset about, talk to them. Avoid pointing fingers or shifting the blame to them. Tell them exactly what you’re feeling and how you want things to change.
Both of you should avoid using offensive or defensive language. This isn’t a debate or a contest. Listen to understand, not to win an argument.
Having a vulnerable and open conversation will deepen your connection. It also serves as an opportunity to address your concerns.
6. Support Their Individuality
Your partner is their own person. As you fall back in love with them, you have to understand you won’t do everything together. It’s completely okay to encourage them to try new activities alone.
If they develop an interest in something, be supportive of that interest. It may not be important to you, but it will mean the world to them.
As you search out new things to try yourself, they should do the same for you. Build each other up.
7. Be Honest About All of Your Feelings
Don’t keep anything bottled up. See a therapist, together or individually, to talk through your issues. You can’t rebuild your relationship on a broken foundation.
If you need to angrily rant to a therapist about your partner, do so. Once you’re done, acknowledge that your anger stems from something else, and try to work through it. This way, you aren’t directly attacking your partner.
If your couple’s therapist is willing to meet with you both separately so you can even vent and they can help you process what you’re feeling, take them up on it.
8. Understand Their Love Languages — And Yours
Be open and honest with your partner about your love languages. And show an interest in understanding and speaking theirs, too.
If they show love through gift-giving, but you prefer quality time, you might feel neglected even if they shower you with thoughtful surprises. If you show love through words of affirmation, but they prefer physical touch, they might feel disregarded.
Understand the ways your partner shows love and prefers to be shown love. Once you know, you can express your love using their love language.
And they can do the same for you.
9. Try New Experiences Together
You’ve already established that this will be new, so embrace the change. Try new things together. These experiences can be as simple as eating at a new restaurant, or as intense as skydiving.
Show an interest in growing and learning together. Take a class. Try a new recipe.
Challenge each other. If you’re getting bored, maybe you just need a little more excitement.
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FAQ about Falling in Love Again
Now that you’ve looked through the steps to falling in love again, let’s answer some of the questions you might still have.
It’s definitely possible, as long as you both want that and you’re both willing to put in the work. Love is a choice you make every day.
As long as both of you are willing to make that choice, you can find a way to rebuild the connection you once had and make it stronger.
Love can be rekindled so long as there is a healthy foundation. There are many ways to fall back in love with someone, even after your bond has been weakened. It’s important to be open to change during this process.
Falling in love again with the same person requires a willingness to remember how you fell in love the first time, as well as an openness to finding new things to love about them. What you build will be different from what you had before, and that’s okay.
Now that you know what steps to take, which of these steps stood out for you? And what will you do differently today?