All relationships fluctuate.
Couples have their ups and downs, and sometimes they fight.
They also end up having less sex than they did earlier in the relationship as time goes on.
When your husband has completely lost interest in you sexually, though, it’s a big deal and can do a number on your self-esteem and sense of desirability.
And what can you do about it?
Do you have to relearn how to seduce your husband who is not interested to get the spark back in the bedroom?
Does he need to address some issues?
Read on to learn why you’re facing this situation and the actions you can both take to turn it around.
[Side Note: You might consider the Couples Communication Course. In this online course, learn healthy communication skills and build the intimacy you’ve always wanted in your relationship.)
- What Do You Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Be Intimate?
- Why Is My Husband Not Interested in Me Sexually?
- What to Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Want You Sexually: 7 Helpful Ideas to Improve Your Sex Life
What Do You Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Be Intimate?
Preserving sexual chemistry is complicated. Couples face changes and issues both individually and within the relationship.
However, it’s essential for both of you to nurture a satisfying sex life, because sex is part of maintaining intimacy.
It’s a common misconception that only women experience a loss of desire for sex in a relationship. For most women, the desire for sex is particularly connected to emotional intimacy with her spouse or partner. The closer she feels to him, the more she desires physical intimacy.
Sometimes, this desire decreases once her childbearing years are over. But a loss of desire happens to men as well.
It turns out that men pressuring women for sex is a stereotype that isn’t true for many women. Rather than being pursued by their husbands, these women have to initiate or even beg for sex.
Why Is My Husband Not Interested in Me Sexually?
You’re not alone is thinking, “My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me, so there must be somethig wrong with me.” Many women assume their disinterested spouses no longer find them physically or sexually attractive.
Although this might be the cause in some cases, there are plenty of other reasons your guy isn’t all over you like he once was. Here are some possible reasons he’s avoiding making love with you.
1. The newness has worn off.
Naturally, no two people will have the same libido or sexual energy level, and they may even desire sex at different times.
So when you two get past the romantic honeymoon stage and have become accustomed to married life, your more genuine sexual habits emerge.
2. You settle into a routine.
Routine isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but you need to change things up sometimes to keep things exciting.
Even if you were happy with your sex life before he lost interest, that doesn’t mean he was. Of course, it’s up to both of you to discover ways to spice things up.
3. He has an underlying health issue.
Maybe he doesn’t even know it, or maybe he is aware and is ashamed to tell you about it. Either way, it affects his sexual energy so much that he doesn’t even want sex. The issue could be simple to address and correct if he opens up abou it.
4. His body image has changed.
If he’s gained weight during your marriage, he’s likely to feel insecure. That can easily translate to not wanting to have sex with you because he doesn’t feel attractive enough.
5. The relationship is suffering.
If you’re fighting or not communicating, the bedroom will reflect that strife or apathy. While a partner losing sexual interest tends to happen gradually over time, it’s not uncommon to happen suddenly, either, like when your husband is angry at you or you at him.
6. He feels you’re objectifying him.
If he thinks you just want sex from him, he will feel undervalued in the relationship. He could feel too much pressure to perform or meet some expectations he believes you have.
He might think you are judging him by his sexual prowess, or you hold him to the stereotype that men always want and initiate sex.
7. He’s stressed out about work.
Work satisfaction is essential for everyone. If he’s unusually stressed or unhappy at work, he will bring that unhappiness home.
It can impact not only his desire but also his performance. Too many encounters where he can’t perform will mess with his head and make him feel insecure in the bedroom.
8. You’ve let yourself go.
Once people settle into a marriage, it’s not uncommon for them to gain weight and care less about appearance than they did in the initial phases of the relationship.
The more time has passed, physical changes come on you gradually. Perhaps your appearance has changed in a way that your husband finds off-putting and has lost sexual interest in you.
9. He has another sexual outlet.
Cheating with other women or excessive use of porn are not only hurtful, unfaithful behaviors but can become addictive.
If his attention seems elsewhere and he’s keeping secrets, he may cheating on you – with a real person or a digital one. Either way, you’re no longer the object of his desire.
What to Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Want You Sexually: 7 Helpful Ideas to Improve Your Sex Life
The second question when your husband doesn’t want you sexually after asking “Why?” is “How do I get my husband interested in me sexually?” All hope is not lost, and you can reinvigorate your sex life if you work together.
1. Communicate on a deeper level.
A relationship takes two, so you need to discuss what’s going on with him. Ask him if there’s anything he’s dealing with, like a negative self-image, anxiety, depression, or exhaustion.
If you two talk often, perhaps you’re not talking enough about intimate subjects that can lead to him revealing more of his inner world. .
2. Address any relationship issues.
A happy, healthy relationship takes work. Even if the relationship seems the same as it was before he lost sexual interest in you, underlying and unaddressed issues could be bubbling beneath the surface.
For example, he may feel you’re too busy, and you only talk to him when you want sex. If you act too motherly towards him, that’s a definite turn-off, and he finds it overbearing.
If he’s gambling or drinking too much, those activities are certainly impacting your emotional and physical intimacy.
Depending on the challenge you’re facing in the marriage, you may need marriage counseling to sort things out before your sex life can improve.
3. Work on yourself.
Men have sexual preferences just as women do, and they tend to be more about those preferences as they get older and set in their ways.
If you’ve gained some weight or neglect you appearance, now’s the time to show him that you care about how you look for him. If you both have a negative self-image about your appearance, you can encourage each other in your goals.
4. Help him reduce his stress or exhaustion.
Whether it’s work, family life, or issues with in-laws, parents, or siblings, your husband is probably overwhelmed by the stress so much that he can’t even allow himself to be sexually interested in you.
For example, the struggles of juggling co-parenting duties are a significant factor in a couple’s sex life. You can help him cope with stress by encouraging him to resolve issues at work, change jobs, set boundaries with relatives, or switch parenting duties.
Maybe suggest a romantic getaway for the two of you to get away from stressful situations and recharge your sex life.
More Related Articles
5. Be more adventurous in the bedroom.
There are several ways you can be more adventurous in the bedroom. Try something new, and learn more about your husband’s fantasies and preferences that he may have been uncomfortable discussing.
Try wearing sexy lingerie or using toys. Discuss your fantasies with him. If you haven’t been the initiator for most encounters, take the lead every now and then.
After all, it gets tiresome always being the one asking for it. Your guy wants to feel desirable too.
6. Encourage him to get a health check.
Health issues such as heart disease and diabetes or the medications that treat them can induce erectile dysfunction (ED). Psychiatric medications such as antidepressants can cause your husband to lose sexual interest in you or cause ED.
Alcoholism, too, can cause ED. Thankfully, this issue doesn’t tend to be permanent once your doctor recognizes what’s causing it and can help your husband make changes to reverse it or treat it.
7. Seek counseling together.
There are times when just talking out your issues isn’t enough, and that’s when a professional is necessary. A marriage counselor can help you get to the root of your problems and communicate better.
A therapist can help your husband if he has existential issues, depression, or porn addiction, which can cause erectile dysfunction or has cheated on you, which often boils down to low self-esteem.
How Do I Deal with a Sexless Husband Who Won’t Change?
It’s not always possible to tackle all issues with a sexless husband at once, and it can take a long time to get through them. If “My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me,” has become a common refrain for you, here are some suggestions:
- Drop the expectations. Don’t pressure him to have sex. Instead, work on enjoying being intimate with him in other ways that don’t involve or imply sex.
- Agree to take a rest period. A break without any sex can be suprisingly good for your sex life and help you reinvigorate the relationship. Knowing you can’t have it might make you want it more.
- Talk and re-evaluate every so often. It takes time to go from a sexless marriage to a sexually active one. Be caring instead of confrontational.
- Get support for yourself. Being more involved in your work or socializing with friends can help you cope with a sexless husband. Getting your own therapist might be a good idea.
- Exercise and/or develop a new hobby. Having your own personal, inner world separate from your marriage is essential. Activities such as gardening and volunteer work give you a sense of purpose, while exercise makes you feel better about yourself.
- Get a divorce. There are cases where a sexless husband won’t change at all. When all else fails, it’s time to consider getting a divorce. If you stay together for the children or some other reason, you may get along better with separate bedrooms.
Reigniting the flame in your sex life takes work. If your husband has completely lost interest in you sexually, you naturally want to figure out how to get the sizzling chemistry back and him between the sheets.
While sex isn’t everything in a marriage or the only form of intimacy, it is a vital way to show your love and strengthens your bonds together. It’s well worth trying to improve your sexual relationship.