19 Questions to Ask Yourself To Know If You Really Like A Guy Or Just Want The Attention

“I don’t know if I like him.”

Have you had that thought about the new guy you’re seeing?

Sorting out your feelings can be tough when you're starting to crush on a guy. 

On the one hand, you may get butterflies in your stomach when you think of him. 

But on the other hand, you wonder whether you like him or don't like him.

In this post, discover questions to ask yourself to know if you really like him or just want the attention.

Why You Might Like Someone Just for Attention

You may be thinking, “Why would I only like someone for attention? I'm not that shallow!”

But wanting attention from the opposite sex isn't always as simple as calling it a superficial or shallow desire.

We genuinely need and crave a certain level of attention and affection in our relationships.

Here are some reasons why people may only be seeking attention in their relationship:

  • Attachment styles: Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the dynamics of long-term human relationships. You may be attracted to certain types of relationships based solely on neediness and seeking approval from the other person. Psychologists call this an insecure attachment style, which can lead to unhealthy relationships.
  • Insecurity: If you lack self-confidence or are dealing with low self-esteem, it can make it difficult to open up and trust someone. A lack of self-confidence often leads us to seek out attention to feel validated or accepted by the other person.
  • Fear of commitment: Some people have difficulty committing to a relationship because they fear getting hurt or rejected. They may start dating someone but never fully commit to them because they don't want to get hurt.

It's okay not to feel sure about liking someone, and it can be challenging to sort through your emotions. But if you take the time to explore how he makes you feel, it can help you a better understand whether there is something real.

Do I Like Him or The Attention: 15 Questions to Ask Yourself

Is it attention-seeking behavior and a true connection? Ask yourself these questions to help you figure out how to know if you actually like someone. 

1. Is he making me feel special?

When you're around him, does he make you feel appreciated and valued for who you are? Or does it just feel like surface-level attention that isn't really leading to any true connection or emotional intimacy? 

If he's making you feel special, this is a good sign because it means he truly cares about you.

2. Do I feel safe with him?

Safety is paramount in any relationship, and it can be a significant indicator of how much you like someone. 

If you're not on edge, trust him, and feel you can be vulnerable and honest with him, your feelings for him may go deeper than mere attention-seeking.

3. Can I open up to him?

With some people, we keep an emotional distance. But for some reason, there are those with whom we can pour out our hearts. Do you feel this way about the guy you're seeing? 

If you always want to share (both the hard and easy) stuff in your life with him, it shows a natural attraction. And if he's as open with you about his own personal thoughts and experiences, it's a real sign that chemistry is at play. 

4. Do I feel like I can be myself around him?

It's important to feel like you can be yourself when you're around someone. If you constantly worry about what he might think or how you should act, it could mean that the relationship isn't really based on a genuine connection. 

But if you feel comfortable around him and act the same way you would around a good friend or family member, you've invested yourself emotionally and definitely like this guy. 

5. Do I look forward to our conversations?

Maybe something your new man has said to you has been ringing in your head for days. You can't wait to resume the conversation and dig a little deeper. 

If these kinds of thoughts and feelings are coming up, it could mean that there is a real connection between the two of you that goes beyond just surface-level attention.

6. Is he always on my mind?

Everything seems to remind you of him. When walking past the restaurant where you ate together or hearing his favorite song on the radio, you constantly think of him. 

If he creeps into your thoughts in a good way, it’s a good sign you like him more than you think.

7. Do I feel energized and alive when I'm around him?

When we're really into someone, we get an adrenaline rush. We feel alive and energized when we're in their presence. 

A person you like will perk you up, and you’ll think more positively even if you've had a crummy day. If you often feel this way in the presence of this guy, then it's something more than you merely seeking attention.

8. Do I miss him when I'm away?

If your thoughts keep drifting back to him even when you're apart, your feelings for him may be more serious, and you’re longing for a more serious relationship. 

Messaging that you miss him and can't wait to see him again soon indicates authentic interest – 

9. Do I mention him to my friends and family?

If you're slipping his name into conversations with your friends and family, it shows that you're thinking about him a lot and definitely have feelings. You may not even realize how much he's on your mind until you start to hint at it in conversation with people who know you best.

Just make sure you're not bragging about him to get attention from your friends, which could be a sign that you're not really into him.

10. Does being around him make me feel calm?

Someone can make us feel energized and give us butterflies when we have a crush on them. 

But a sense of calm still comes with being around someone we genuinely like and care about. Pay attention to how you feel when you're with him – relaxed or on edge?

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11. Does he bring out the best in me?

If you're acting less selfish, seeing the bright side of life, and doing your best when you're around your guy, this is a good sign that he lifts you up and makes you truly happy. 

Just ensure you're not putting on an act, which could signify that you're seeking attention rather than genuine feelings.

12. Have we been seeing each other for a long time?

If you have been enjoying dates, getting to know each other, and having moments of intimacy, time tells the story. You're likely into this guy. 

People who date others just for attention get tired of the relationship after a short time. If you're still seeing him and taking things slow, your feelings for him have been growing, and you're leaning toward keeping him around.

13. Can I picture him out of my life?

An excellent exercise to help determine if your feelings are real is to imagine him out of your life. If the thought of that brings about a wave of sadness, it's a good sign that you like him and want to keep him in your life.

If things would go on just the same if he weren't there, or you'd be okay with replacing him with someone else, it could mean that you're not actually into him.

14. Am I excited about our future?

Do you daydream about moving in together, introducing him to your parents, or taking a trip with him? 

All of these activities take a lot of time and energy, so if you're looking forward to that kind of commitment, it could mean that you are into him.

15. Am I making compromises for the relationship?

You're likely to be pretty selfish when you're in a relationship for attention. After all, the guy is only there to boost your ego, right? 

But suppose you notice yourself making compromises such as meeting his family, helping him out with tasks, and compromising on your own needs for the sake of the relationship. In that case, you're probably in the relationship for legitimate reasons.

16. Do I have skin in the game?

We want the relationship to succeed when we have deep and genuine feelings for a significant other.

This can lead to vulnerability, which means we may get hurt if we put our true feelings on the line. If you're willing to take this risk, your feelings for him are likely the real deal.

17. Are other men on my mind?

A wandering eye is a sure sign that your feelings for him are not serious. Thinking about your ex? Attracted to other men in your life? Still have your dating profile active? 

If so, you're probably not looking for love from this guy.

But if all of these other men pale compared to him, it could mean that you really like him and want to explore a meaningful relationship with this special person.

18. Am I compatible with him?

Compatibility isn't just about being attracted to someone. It's about having the same values, interests, and outlook on life for a relationship to work. 

If you agree with him most of the time, enjoy his company, and have similar perspectives on life, then it's a good sign that you actually like him.

But if you're constantly clashing and disagreeing, it could mean that you're not interested in him and only get along on a surface level.

19. Do I make him happy?

Of course, deciding whether or not you actually like him requires self-reflection. But it's also important to consider how being with you makes him feel. Is he smiling more when he's around you? Does he light up when the two of you share moments? 

If so, it could mean that your feelings for him are real and reciprocal, which means you may have a wonderful relationship on the horizon.

What to Do If You Like Him Just for the Attention

After reading the above 19 examples and asking yourself these questions, you may have concluded that you're in the relationship for all the wrong reasons.

If this is the case, taking a step back and assessing your feelings is essential. Then you'll need to take a few steps to move forward and make sure that you won't end up in the same situation again:

  • Talk with a friend or professional about your feelings to gain some perspective.
  • Take some time away from the relationship to focus on yourself and your goals and interests.
  • Think about why you got into this relationship in the first place and how you can avoid similar situations in the future.
  • Work on self-love and confidence so that you don't need to find validation from someone else.
  • Know your worth and what kind of relationships will genuinely make you happy.

You need to be honest about whether or not you like him. You're not a bad person if the answer is no and you're seeking attention. You need to take a step back and focus on yourself for a while.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, you must listen to your heart and take the time to reflect on whether you really like the man in your life. You can gain clarity by asking some tough questions and being honest with yourself about your feelings. 

This ensures that your relationships are built on genuine love and respect for each other.