How To Gain Confidence and Feel Good In Your Own Skin

Are there times (maybe more than you'd like to admit) when you feel insecure because of your lack of confidence?

Have you worried about how to gain confidence in your personal or professional life?

Most people struggle with a loss of confidence from time to time.

But sometimes low confidence can hang around like a bad rash.

You just can't shake the feeling that you're missing some confidence that everyone else seems to have.

  • Maybe you feel insecure about your appearance or weight.
  • Maybe you fear you're not as intelligent or educated as you think you should be.
  • Maybe you think you don't have the social skills to meet a romantic partner.
  • Maybe you worry that you don't have what it takes to be successful in your job.
  • Maybe you think life is stacked against you, and you don't know how to change it.

The truth is we all have weaknesses, areas where we need to improve, and even unchangeable aspects of our personalities or appearance that can make us feel insecure.

But don't let those insecurities drag your confidence through the mud.

You can accept your drawbacks and setbacks, improve and change what you can, and live confidently enough to find happiness and success in life.

Want to know how? Read on.

What is Self-Confidence and Why Is It Important?

Confidence is a strong, calm inner assurance that you are able to succeed.

Confidence is also a skill that can be learned by practicing confidence-building activities.

Exuding confidence is so valuable that other people view it as a defining characteristic. Research confirms that people prefer confidence over expertise, and I can say from personal experience that this is true.

And that those with a strong level of confidence make more money, have better relationships, and enjoy more personal and professional success than those who don’t.

There’s no question that people who exude self-confidence have many advantages in life.

Unfortunately, many people struggle with a lack of confidence from time to time.

It can be difficult for some people to find the right amount of confidence, as too much can lead to hubris and too little can keep you from succeeding.

Having the right balance of tenacity, poise, boldness, and humility is the recipe for a confident personality.

The two main things that are needed for self-confidence are self-efficacy (belief in your abilities) and self-esteem. You gain self-efficacy when you see yourself achieving your goals and being successful in the things that you do.

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How to Gain Confidence With These 10 Strategies

1. Gain confidence by making it a skill you can learn.

DNA does have something to do with confidence, but not everything. Self-Confidence is a skill you can learn, practice, and improve over time.

Brain science has proven repetitive thoughts and actions actually rewire neural pathways to foster measurable change. When you practice confident actions and thoughts repeatedly, you will eventually start building confidence.

Further, the more confident actions you perform, and the more successes you achieve as a result, the more confident you'll feel.

Just knowing this fact should give you a confidence boost.

thoughtful man, how to gain confidence

Just because you don't feel confident speaking, meeting women, or going to parties doesn't mean you will never feel confident doing these things.

2. Recognize that low confidence doesn't define you.

When you lack confidence in one part of your life, it can begin to feel like you're a loser. You paint your entire life with a broad brushstroke of insecurity and doubt.

The feelings of low self-confidence, even if they are grounded in some truth, don't define your entire life or your essential worth.

Everyone lacks confidence from time to time, and most people have pockets of insecurities that hold them back. You don't have to be perfect to be successful.

In fact, you can be confident in spite of your imperfections. Confidence is a state of mind that allows you to move past failures and flaws and to even learn from them.

3. Understand the root cause of low confidence.

Quite often a lack of confidence is situational. Something has happened in the past to undermine your confidence in the present.

If you flubbed a big speech, then it's natural to lack confidence in your next attempt. If your business tanked, it's hard to muster the courage to launch a new venture.

Other times, low confidence has longer, deeper roots or is connected to your personality. Your sister teased you incessantly about your height, so as you grew older you never felt tall enough to attract women. You're more of an introvert and was shy as a kid, so you've never felt comfortable in big groups.

By examining the reasons behind your self-confidence problems, you gain a certain control over them. When you recognize the root cause, it no longer holds the same power.

Simply because there's a source for your insecurities doesn't mean you're trapped in them forever and can't have confidence in yourself.

4. Gain confidence by overcoming limiting beliefs.

Situational or long-term confidence problems train us to believe certain things about ourselves.

The strong negative feelings associated with failure, embarrassment, or shame, make us wary of stepping on a potential emotional land mine.

Why tempt fate if it's possible we might fall on our butts once again. We begin to embrace our limiting beliefs as reality.

These negative feelings are natural, but they aren't always truthful — and they're holding you back from your potential.

You may have flubbed a speech previously, but now you know what you did wrong, and you'll correct it. You are capable of speaking successfully.

Your sister may tease you about being short, but all women don't feel the same way. You might be an introvert, but you can act against your personality type and become comfortable talking with others.

Change and growth are always possible. You just need to change your mindset about your beliefs.

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5. Acknowledge your lack of confidence.

Even though it might be painful, fully acknowledge how your lack of confidence is limiting you. Being honest with yourself about this can help you have the courage to move forward.

If you could speak confidently in meetings, you'd perform better at work and be considered for more challenging projects or promotions.

If you allow women a chance to get to know you, in spite of your height, you might meet the love of your life. If you make just a little more effort to make friends, you might have the social life you really want.

Envision the way your life could be if you didn't experience low confidence. Imagine all the ways you could be happier, more successful, more financially secure, or more fulfilled.

6. Gain confidence by focusing on solutions.

Once you acknowledge what you are missing without confidence, focus on specific confidence building activities steps you can take to improve yourself.

Rather than dwelling on the negative, take control of the problem by motivating yourself and focus on how to get confidence.

Brainstorm ideas for ways you can improve your feelings of self-assurance. Talk to a friend or counselor to get a different perspective on your insecurities and how you can address them.

Believe that change is possible and that you have what it takes to improve.

7. Gain confidence by taking small steps.

If you accept the premise that change is possible, that you can learn the skills of self-confidence, then begin taking small steps to reinforce your confidence.

Expose yourself in manageable increments to the thing you fear. Determine actions you can take in the next few weeks related to the area where you want to improve your self-confidence.

Of course, you'll feel insecure and uncomfortable at first, but the more you practice these actions, the easier it will become.

For example, if you have a fear of speaking in groups of new people, practice saying small things to strangers you encounter in day-to-day life, like the grocery clerk or bank teller.

Do this for a while, and then increase the challenge by asking to join a small dinner party or going to a group event and talking with a few new people.

The key here is regular practice in settings with low risk. Then increase the difficulty of the challenges you give yourself. You will probably have a few bumps in the road or times you turn tail and run.

Don't beat yourself up over these, or use them as an excuse to give up. Just try again, and you'll discover how to feel confident with time and practice.

8. Gain confidence by practicing gratitude.

Sometimes when we are so focused on our problems and challenges, we forget about all of the good things we have. Weak confidence can make you feel like your entire life is defined by your insecurities.

Studies have confirmed that an active gratitude practice can make you happier and help you put your self-confidence problem into perspective.

One of the best ways to practice gratitude is through gratitude journaling. Every day, write about something in your life for which you are grateful. Also, write about the qualities and gifts you possess that you are thankful for.

When you spotlight the positive aspects of your life, the areas of low confidence won't seem so daunting.

9. Use exercise for gaining confidence.

One of the ways to feel confident is when you are fit and healthy. Exercise empowers you. It makes you look better and feel better. It pulls you out of lethargy and boosts your energy.

Lac confidence can drain you and make you feel depressed. Exercise is the perfect antidote to these feelings. If you don't exercise much, start by taking a short walk during the day. Add a bit of strength training with hand weights or by doing some push-ups.

Slowly increase the amount of exercise you do daily and try to increase the intensity as you become more fit.

10. Use visualization to improve your confidence.

Visualization is a mental technique that athletes, professionals, and anyone seeking a particular outcome use to support their efforts in reaching the outcome.

With visualization, you mentally envision all of the steps you will take to succeed and then envision yourself reaching the end goal. This exercise doesn't just make you feel better. It creates results.

As I say in my book, 10-Minute Mindfulness, “Visualization has been shown to impact motor control, attention, perception, planning, and memory, priming your brain for success in whatever you want to accomplish.”

Spend time each day visualizing positive outcomes and the steps you'll take to achieve them. See yourself confidently taking action and getting things done.

If you want to gain confidence, start by believing it's possible. It is. It's a skill that doesn't require a degree or any special talent. It just requires practice, determination, and some patience.

Don't allow a lack of confidence to prevent you from living the quality of life you're truly capable of enjoying. Strong confidence is simply a state of mind, a feeling you have the power to change.

Benefits of Self-Confidence

People who have confidence are able to perform at their peak when they are put to the test. They show leadership abilities and have a presence that commands attention.

They are also generally happier people who have a positive attitude. In fact, confident people tend to have fewer negative thoughts and feelings of self-doubt.

Confident people tend to be healthier both mentally and physically.

With confidence, you feel more relaxed and easygoing in social situations and have an easier time developing friendships and business relationships.

Confident people are more attractive to potential romantic partners and tend to have better relationships. Confidence is frequently rated as one of the sexiest qualities people see in a romantic interest.

The positive energy of confidence compels you to take action on your goals and achieve success more quickly.

What is Your Confidence Level?

Are you able to answer “Yes” to the following confidence test questions?

1. When it comes to achievement and success, I am mostly confident in my capacity for success and expect good outcomes.

2. In social settings, I feel completely confident walking into a room full of new people and conversing easily.

3. When it comes to trying new things or taking risks, I am almost always willing to give it a try and don’t worry much if it doesn’t work out.

4. When it comes to trying new things or taking risks, I am almost always willing to give it a try and don’t worry much if it doesn’t work out.

5. When making big decisions or solving problems, I will always rely on my own judgment, intuition, and skills, knowing I’m as capable as anyone else.

Final thoughts

If you need level up your confidence, remember that confidence is a skill you can practice and improve on every day.

Choose one or two of these actions to focus on, and keep a journal detailing how your feelings of confidence are increasing. Just seeing how your confidence is growing will further boost your confidence!

I hope you'll use these steps on how to gain confidence in your personal and work life.

Which confidence tips were the more positive and inspirational for you?

6 thoughts on “How To Gain Confidence and Feel Good In Your Own Skin”

  1. Ah yes, I so agree. We have the power to build our confidence and these are great tips for working on that. Many of my clients come with the belief they can’t do anything until they have confidence. If that belief doesn’t change, they’ll never do anything.

  2. I fully agree that confidence is the long term result of having the courage to do something, experience whatever happens next, and make any changes needed along the way to accomplish the intended goal. Many times when someone has this courage to take repeated emotional risks, they learn to feel good about what they did in the first place, regardless of the initial result.

  3. Great article! I loved the first point in the article – confidence is a skill! I have had people offer advice to “just be confident…it’s not a big deal.” But it can be a very big deal to some. But the good thing is that skills can be learned. That means we have the power to build our confidence. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Great article…I love the first line “confident is a skill…really helpful article…as practice makes a man perfect just lyk keep trying don’t give up every thing gonna be perfect and u will fell confident…mistakes help to make us perfect so keep trying never give up…

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