You like being the one who’s always thinking of funny random things to say.
Getting your friends and family to crack up at what comes out of your mouth is a highlight of each day.
Sometimes, though, you need a little help thinking of weird things to say to people.
So, what are some weird questions to ask?
Or what off-the-wall comments will get them laughing even after a rough day?
Enjoy the list below. Save the ones that make you smile.
What Do You Say to Freak Someone Out?
Why? Because you’re a good friend, that’s why. Also, you’re a bit of a stinker. Bonus.
But aside from looking through lists like the one in this post, how can you get better at thinking up weird things to say to your friends, family, and other unsuspecting people?
A human brain is a tangent machine. It’s always looking for connections and shiny new paths to follow. Doing the following exercises can help you develop this gift:
- Pick a word and mind-map at least ten random, connected ideas.
- Think of a memorable moment and write a list of random thoughts about it.
- Brainstorm a list of adjectives that start with each letter of your full name.
You get the idea. Pick something — a word, a letter, an image — and play a word-association game without editing yourself.
Get those ideas out onto the page (the weirder, the better), and see what you can do with them.
75 Weird Things To Say
Leaving aside comments others are likely to find crass or creepy, consider the following list of weird things to say to your friends (or anyone else who’s listening). Don’t forget to save your favorites.
1. “I said ‘No’ to drugs, but they wouldn’t listen.”
2. “If, at first, you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence that you tried.”
3. “Eat kale, stay fit, die anyway.”
4. “Time is the best teacher of all. Too bad it kills all its students.”
5. “My karma just ran over my dogma.”
6. “You’ll meet three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can’t.”
7. “Sometimes, the road less traveled is that way for a good reason.”
8. “If it weren’t for Thomas Edison, we’d all be watching TV by candlelight.”
9. “I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?”
10. “Kids believe in fairy tales. I’ve moved on to soap operas and political speeches.”
11. “Believe in yourself. Someone has to.”
12. “You’re welcome to take my advice any time. I don’t use it, anyway.”
13. “My parents moved a lot when I was a kid. But I always found them.”
14. “My New Year’s resolution is to only dread one day at a time.”
15. “Saw it, wanted it, bought it, used it once, kept it in my house for ten years, gave it away.”
16. “I chose the well-traveled path for a reason. More coffee shops.”
17. “I don’t spew profanities. I enunciate them like a civilized person.”
18. “My name is <your name>, but you can call me any time.”
19. “Earth is this galaxy’s insane asylum. Welcome to my ward.”
20. In a crowded elevator, say, “I’m glad you could all make it. You are the chosen ones.”
21. “You may have noticed my superpower. It’s making myself invisible.”
22. “Shhhh! You say it best when you say nothing… at all.”
23. “I used to have a horrible signature. Then I learned cursive. Now, it’s worse.”
24. “Please don’t eat that in my presence. I get sympathy gas.”
25. When you walk into a room, say, “Well, that went far worse than I expected.”
26. Leave someone a text that says, “You have no idea what you’ve done!”
27. “Shush! I can’t hear what the voices are saying.”
28. Walk into a room where your friend is talking to a random male stranger and say, “Oooh! Is this the guy?”
29. In response to any suggestion, “But at what cost?”
30. At the beginning of an announcement, “As the prophecy has foretold…”
31. Join the line at the nearest bathroom and ask, “So, they fixed this one? Thank God! I just changed into some dry clothes.”
32. In response to a question, “I promised I’d never tell. He’ll destroy everything I love.”
33. Before leaving the room, say, “I bid you all a fond farewell. Remember me!”
34. At the beginning of a response, “Well, as I said in a dream last night…”
35. When someone says, “Sometimes, life just be like that,” respond with, “And sometimes, like that, it be.”
36. In response to someone’s suggestion, “I bet you think it’s just that easy!”
37. In response to an attempted flirtation, “I bet you say that to all the girls who laugh at you behind your back.”
38. During a private conversation, “Is this why fate brought us together?”
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39. In response to being friend-zoned, “Oh, sure, sure. I was just getting that awkwardness out of the way so that we could hang like Platonic besties.”
40. Whisper audibly to yourself while someone recalls an experience, “Just like in my dream!”
41. Finish a fairy tale with the words, “And then the wolves came. The end.”
42. Ask Siri to sing you a song. Then ask aloud, “How did she know that song was playing in my head?”
43. Lean into someone and ask, “You think they know about your… you know?”
44. “Did you know you can’t legally buy a mousetrap in California without a hunting license?”
45. “What was the best thing before sliced bread?”
46. When someone settles into the public bathroom stall next to you, say, “Well… pray for a miracle. I’d lift your feet, just in case,” before flushing.
47. Answer the phone with, “Can’t you see I’m pretending to be busy right now?”
48. Answer the phone with, “You woke me! It must be true love.”
49. Tell a friend, “I had a dream about you last night. You did terrible things.”
50. Ask if you can be a friend’s human alarm clock. Then call them at the appointed time and say in a soothing robotic voice, “You have been selected for remote sterilization. Please remain still. I repeat, please remain still.”
51. Respond to a comment with, “In this economy?”
52. “Out of my mind. Back in five.”
53. “When everything’s coming your way… you’re probably in the wrong lane.”
54. “An elf walks into a bar. A dwarf laughs at him and walks under it.”
55. “Whenever someone mentions algebra, I think of my X… and wonder Y.”
56. “Whatever’s eating you must be in even worse shape than you are.”
57. “If you ever fall, you know I’ll be there… to snap a selfie and post it on Instagram. But also because I care.”
58. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
59. When someone gets up to use the bathroom, say, “I win!”
60. At the sight of someone riding a horse, say, “Look at that show-off, sitting up there while the horse is moving.”
61. Walk into a group of friends chatting casually and say, “It’s done. We should get out of here before the cops show up.”
62. Solemnly place an empty gum wrapper in the palm of a friend’s hand and clasp it with both of your own, saying, “I saw this and thought of you.”
63. Hand out posters with a picture of a rock and the words: “Lost. If you’ve seen my pet rock (answers to “Falafel”), please call me. He doesn’t know the streets as I do.”
64. When your partner gets ready to leave, ask them, “So, have you thought about what I asked you while you were sleeping?”
65. When hiring someone to edit your work, ask them, “How much extra for sorcery?”
66. “If at first you do succeed, you have only yourself to blame.”
67. “Organized people are missing out on finding mountains of useless crap in the search for that one thing they held onto ‘just in case’ and finally have a use for.”
68. “I’ll know you’re my best friend if you immediately delete my internet history after I die.”
69. “Chin up. You’re never alone. I’m always mocking you in spirit.”
70. Go to someone’s house with a trash bag, pick up random items, and ask out loud, “Does this spark joy?”
71. “Alcohol and writing get along just fine. You want proof, read my blog.”
72. “I get plenty of exercise just pushing my luck. Squats are just overkill.”
73. “Equal opportunity means everyone has a fair shot at failing miserably and then blogging about it.”
74. “This year started with the worst hangover I’ve ever seen. Thank God someone cleaned out the cabinet.”
75. “I took the road less traveled by. Thanks a lot, Google Maps!”
Now you have plenty of weird things to say.
Now that you’re armed with this collection of 75 weird and random things to say to people, which ones stood out for you? If any of them made you laugh or at least shake your head and barely stifle a chuckle, they’d probably do the same for people you know.
Timing is everything, though. Read the room before unleashing your favorites.
If you can bring a smile to a friend’s face, it’s worth all the weird looks you’ll probably get. So, which one will you use first?