A new relationship can be really exciting and a bit intimidating as you begin to learn about each other.
It’s a risk to put yourself out there and get to know someone else intimately.
That intimidating feeling of being with a new person often leaves you wondering, “What do I say?” or “Where should we start?”
Having some go-to questions for a new relationship that prompt conversation can be a huge benefit and help you get to know each other on a much deeper level.
What Are Some Good Questions to Ask in a New Relationship?
Asking questions in a new relationship is a delicate dance.
You don’t want to be too intrusive right away and send them running, but you also want to get to know your new partner on a deeper level to invest in the relationship.
Bringing up new relationship topics is best done subtly.
Try these tips when using our questions to ask when starting a relationship:
- Ask questions that lead to a conversation and avoid those close-ended (yes or no) type questions.
- Questions don’t need to start with who, what, when, where, why, and how. Make sure there is room for stories and deeper meaning. Try starting with: Tell me about a time when….)
- Try to bring up questions naturally in the conversation.
- Be prepared (but don’t plan) to answer any question you ask.
- Don’t bombard your new partner with questions. Ask questions as a way to start a deeper conversation.
- Be yourself, and ask questions with a genuine interest.
- Allow space for them to ask you something back or bring insight into the conversation.
21 Questions to Ask in a New Relationship
1. Tell me about something you’re excited about in your life right now.
This question invites people to talk about the most interesting thing to them in their lives. It can open up who they are by showing you what they care about most.
2. Where is your favorite place in the world?
It can be a trip they took somewhere or a spot in their backyard as a kid where they often played. This question invites your partner to talk about somewhere that matters to them.
3. Describe what you think is your best quality.
You want to know what your potential partner thinks about themselves by asking them to reflect honestly. This question can reveal how confident your new person is by comfortably sharing some positive attributes.
4. What do you think is my best quality?
Flip the question around on them. Be playful. Invite them to speak about what they’ve seen in you from the beginning of the relationship.
5. Explain your relationship with your parents.
Gain some insight on where your new romantic interest comes from and how they interact with the people that brought them up in the world. This conversation can move in various directions, so work with them openly and compassionately.
6. How would your friends talk about you if you were not there?
The people they are closest to have a lot of knowledge about your partner’s life history. Be curious about these relationships and what friendship means to your love interest.
7. Why did your last relationship not work out?
This question is a big one that can stir feelings of inadequacy for both of you. The answer can clue you in on your partner’s relationship skills, emotional maturity, and what they learn from a failed relationship. It’s also nice to know how they talk about past partners.
8. How do you like to spend your free time?
This question not only taps into this person’s interests but also reveals their curiosity and engagement in life. Knowing if your partner likes to go base jumping or watch Netflix all day tells you volumes about the relationship that you’re entering.
9. How important is money to you?
Money is one of the biggest things that couples fight over. Knowing how they view money at the beginning of a relationship can save you a significant amount of headache later.
10. What would you say is the biggest change you’ve made in your life?
If the person you’re dating lost 100 lbs. four years ago, that would tell you a lot about what matters to them and their motivation to make changes. This question also emphasizes the positive and not the setback that pushed them toward change; although, this could be interesting to talk about as well.
11. Describe your relationship with your phone.
Hopefully, they’ve learned to put the phone away while you’re having a conversation, but perhaps they just keep looking at it. Healthy phone habits can speak to how present your new partner will be in your relationship and is a great thing to start talking about now.
12. What is your favorite meal to make for other people?
This is not a trick question, but it could feel that way to someone who doesn’t cook. Of course, talking about your favorite food is easy, but be more curious about what (or if) they offer guests at their own home.
13. What’s it like for you to be around children?
I know this is a deal-breaker conversation for many new couples, but many people just haven’t made up their minds when it comes to having kids. Talk about interacting with kids first and how it feels to have that kid energy around. This tactic is a safer way to gain insight into what they think rather than straight-out asking, “Do you want kids?”
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14. When was the last time you laughed out loud?
Playfulness is vital for mental health and well-being, especially in love relationships. Let’s face it, life is better when you can have fun, and you want that with your new partner. Keep going with this question by sharing funny stories and humorous situations.
15. How do you feel about going on a spontaneous trip?
Discuss ways to bring fun into your lives and live a bit spontaneously. Getting to know your person’s comfort level with traveling and disrupting their schedule helps you know if you’re with more of a homebody or adventurer. This is a good time to talk about surprises too!
16. Tell me about someone you admire.
What kind of person do you each strive to be? It’s attractive to want to possess some admirable qualities and strive to develop them. Having a role model is a proactive way to foster those qualities. Be sure to talk and learn about the person they admire.
17. When does your creative side emerge?
We each possess creativity and feel present and energized in the flow of creative pursuits. This creative energy is especially attractive to others. What is it about your new partner that sparks their creativity? A great place to help your partner grow is supporting that creative side.
18. What moment in your life are you most proud of?
This question allows you both to discuss what is meaningful to you and who you want to be. Harness this energy for future conversations when times are tough.
19. What do you do to take care of yourself?
Mind and body need to come into play here. Perhaps, you will find out that you’re both really into yoga or reading? Wouldn’t it be nice to start a relationship by creating more time for what you love? Even if you have different methods of taking care of yourselves, you can still make time for an individual health hour or teach each other something new.
20. How do you show your appreciation for others?
It always feels nice to be appreciated, and it’s good to know how your new partner shows it. Perhaps they are not gift-giver but letter-writer or back massager? Noticing when your partner shows appreciation from the beginning will keep your relationship strong.
21. What have always wanted to do but haven’t yet?
This final question can go in so many directions and tell you so much about your new romance. Maybe it’s also something you would love to do as well. A great follow-up question to this prompt is, “What is stopping you?”
Getting to know someone on a deeper level is a hard thing to do. You have to both be willing to be vulnerable and real day after day to build the trust that a long, committed relationship contains.
Having a place to start by asking these questions for a new relationship can ease the process and get you off to a confident start.
Remember that new relationship questions, when genuine and asked with interest, show that you care about the person sitting across from you. The most important thing is to bring your true self to the table.