103 Of The Best Relationship Questions To Ask For Intimacy
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All problems in relationships boil down to one thing: lack of communication.
Whether your concerns relate to money, sex, kids, affection, career or any of the various reasons you fight or get angry, when you don't communicate your needs and discuss your differences, things will inevitably break down.
We are turf-oriented creatures, even with our most intimate relationships.
We want to protect what's ours — emotionally, psychologically, and physically — often at the expense of those we love most.
Good and close relationships require letting go of some of that turf, compromising, and accepting that the other person's needs and feelings are as valid as our own.
What causes relationship problems?
Simply living in the same space with another person provides plenty of fodder for arguments.
When you are first in love, the boxers left on the floor are just adorable. The heat turned up to 80 is a darling idea.
But eventually, familiarity breeds, if not contempt, plenty of irritation.
Add to that the stresses of children, finances, and career — along with the real differences in the way men and women perceive the world, and it's a wonder any of us make it through the first few years of a relationship.
We have to talk about what's bugging us, what we want from the other, our dreams and disappointments.
And we have to listen, really listen to what the other is saying.
To do that, you must divorce yourself from your personal needs long enough to put the relationship first.
That means communication can't devolve into protecting your turf or being right.
You must exercise some self-control, even when strong feelings make you want to say unspeakable things.
The most successful, intimate relationships involve proactive communication before a fight ever breaks out.
As stilted as it may seem, meeting with your spouse or partner on a regular basis and knowing the questions to ask in a relationship will help you learn about each other.
And it will protect your relationship from altercations and even better, it will create a new level of closeness between you.
Here are 103 relationship questions to ask your lover
Choose one of these good relationship questions to ask your lover to get to know them even better:
1. What should I never say to you, even in anger or frustration?
2. How much time and space do we need apart from each other?
3. What activities and interests can we develop that will bring us closer?
4. What is going to really set you off?
5. What happens if we can't agree on something important that involves both of us?
6. What kind of physical touch best says “I love you” to you?
7. What could I do that would cause you to pull away from me?
8. How many days between sex will be too long?
9. When you get home from work, what would you like me to do or say in the first few minutes?
10. Who do we know that has the kind of intimacy that we want?
11. What changes will I need to make in order for you to be really happy?
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12. Where will we be in this relationship five years from now?
13. What's the biggest lesson I can learn from you?
14. What do you do when you feel hurt by me?
15. What will ruin our relationship?
16. What habits do I have that are upsetting to you?
17. How can we both get our needs met when we want different things on a particular day?
18. What happens if one of us needs more space than the other?
19. What do we do if both of us are having a bad day?
20. How affectionate would you like to be with me?
21. What can we do to avoid fighting or arguing entirely?
22. What about our financial situation might become a recurring problem?
This may interest you:
Would you like to question your way to lasting love and intimacy?
If so, then check out my bestselling book called “201 Relationship Questions: The Couple's Guide to Building Trust and Emotional Intimacy“.
Mutual questioning is a powerful technique to draw out deeper emotions and desires and address potential areas of conflict before they disrupt your closeness.
The right questions inspire understanding, compassion, and action for positive change.
23. What about our work might become a recurring problem?
24. How will we let each other know what we want sexually?
25. What will I have to say to get your attention when I've not been able to?
26. What need of yours have I not been able to satisfy?
27. What kind of memories do we want to create together?
28. What will keep us happily together for years to come?
29. What will be the early warning signs that our relationship is in trouble?
30. How will you be able to forgive me if I've done something that really hurts you?
31. What will you do if you feel tempted by another person?
32. What personality differences do we have that might cause a problem?
33. When we argue, how will you take responsibility for your part of the problem?
34. How can we make our sex life even better?
36. Where are you unwilling to compromise?
37. What about my voice or communication style makes you want to spend less time with me?
38. What do you expect from me that you should really be expecting of yourself?
39. What are you willing to do with or for me that you haven't been able to do in previous relationships?
40. What are your deepest dreams and desires for yourself and for us?
41. What is your most prized possession?
42. What are the best qualities you have to bring to our relationship?
44. Who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
45. What is your definition of intimacy?
46. How important is it for you to equally share chores?
47. What would you prefer to do on a Saturday night?
48. What is the worst habit that you have?
49. What kind of vacation would you enjoy taking together?
50. How has your parents' marriage impacted your views on marriage?
51. Who has had the biggest impact on you — your mom or dad — and why?
52. How have your past relationships made you a better partner to me?
53. How much do you want to know about my past relationships?
54. What do you expect from me related to my health and fitness?
55. What is the best way to share difficult or upsetting information with you?
56. How should we work it out if one of us wants to explore something in our sex life and the other person doesn't feel comfortable?
57. What is your biggest life regret and how might it impact our relationship?
58. How do you act when you are really hurt and sad about something?
59. How can I best support you when you are hurt or sad?
60. How can we put our relationship first so that it stays healthy and happy?
61. What personal goals do you have that you'd like me to help you achieve?
62. How can we help each other be the people we want to be?
63. How would you rate your own level of confidence on a scale of 1 to 10?
64. What makes you lose confidence?
65. What should we do and say every day to keep our love strong?
66. What should we do if one of our extended family members interferes in our lives as a couple?
67. What kind of family rituals do you want to develop together?
68. What material things are you longing to buy that I don't know about?
69. What kind of adventures do you dream of that I don't know about?
70. Which of your friends do you think you are most like?
71. What should we do if we disagree about a parenting issue?
72. How will we know if parenting our children starts to take a toll on our relationship?
73. What should we do if we recognize that parenting is taking a toll?
74. How do you view our roles as parents and the division of labor related to parenting?
75. Do you believe our marriage comes before our kids? Why or why not?
76. What do you think our biggest potential area of conflict might be?
77. How can we proactively address this area of conflict?
78. How do you feel about me being friends with someone of the opposite sex?
79. What makes you feel jealous?
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80. When are you the happiest?
81. How would you handle it if I became seriously ill or disabled?
82. How can we avoid using passive-aggressive behaviors with each other?
83. What do you never want me to share with my friends or family?
84. What topics of conversation trigger angry or bad feelings for you?
85. What gifts mean the most to you?
86. How much public affection are you comfortable with?
87. How do you like to celebrate your birthday?
88. What should we do for our big anniversaries?
89. When do you feel the most vulnerable?
90. Do you feel safe sharing your vulnerabilities with me? If not, why?
91. Is there anything making you unhappy in our relationship right now? If so, how can we address it?
92. How can we have more fun together?Relationship Questions (103 Questions To Ask Your Lover). Click To Tweet
93. Is there anything in my wardrobe that you'd like to secretly toss out? If so, what is it?
94. What new things should we learn together?
95. How much financial risk are you comfortable with?
96. Who should be the guardians of our kids if we die?
97. Under what circumstances would you feel counseling is necessary for us?
98. How should we handle it if one of us wants to go to counseling and the other doesn't?
99. How should we handle it if one of us wants to make a large purchase and the other doesn't agree?
100. What makes you laugh the most?
101. Do you believe one-time adultery would end our relationship?
102. Do you find it easy or hard to apologize? Why?
103. What is your idea of the perfect date night with me?
Which of these relationship questions helped you most?
Now that you have 103 brilliant questions to ask the person you love, which ones will you ask today or this week to strengthen your relationship?
Which questions stood out to you as you read or skimmed over the list?
Some relationship topics are probably bigger issues for you than others. No two relationships are the same, so it makes sense that each person will be drawn to different questions.
Start asking the questions, though. And listen to understand — not to respond (or to defend yourself).
Don’t forget to also ask your significant other what topics are near to their heart and what questions they’d like to ask and explore.
The better you communicate with each other, the stronger your connection will be, which is the foundation for true intimacy.
May your thoughtfulness and courage influence everything you do today.