When it comes to marriage proposals, timing is everything.
You don’t want to propose too soon and scare your partner away, but you also don’t want to wait so long that they lose interest.
So how do you know when the timing is right?
How soon is too soon to get engaged?
There are plenty of signs to look for to see if you’re both ready for marriage, but there are also some red flags that indicate you may not be quite there yet.
If you’re thinking about proposing, you need to know these seven signs that the timing is right and seven signs that it’s best to wait a little longer.
- How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?
- When Is the Right Time to Propose?
- How Soon Is Too Soon to Propose? 11 Signs You’re Ready And 7 Signs You’re Not
- 1. You Feel Comfortable with Each Other
- 2. You Fight Fairly
- 3. There’s Financial Transparency in the Relationship
- 4. You’ve Met (and Get Along With) Each Others’ Friends and Family
- 5. You’re Willing to Make Sacrifices
- 6. They Make You a Better Person
- 7. You Have a Clear Idea of What Happens Next
- 8. You Have a Mutually Dependent, Healthy Relationship
- 9. You Dealt With Big Life Challenges Together
- 10. You’ve Talked Through the Deeper Considerations
- 11. You Share the Same Life Values and Long-Term Goals
- 7 Signs You’re Not Ready to Get Engaged
How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?
Instead of focusing on the length of time you’ve been dating, you should focus on how well you know each other and how comfortable you are with each other.
The quality and depth of the relationship will ultimately be more important than the length of time you’ve been together.
It could happen one year into your relationship or after six years of dating. Some people may also feel ready to get engaged just a few short months after they begin seeing each other.
It all depends on the circumstances and how well the relationship is going.
Here are a few signs that you may be ready to take things to the next level:
- You know each other’s strengths and weaknesses
- You are comfortable being yourselves around each other
- You know each other’s hopes, dreams, and goals
- You support each other through good times and bad
- You can rely on each other during tough times
- You are willing to make sacrifices
If you feel these sentiments are true in your relationship, you can be reasonably sure that you’re ready to get engaged.
When Is the Right Time to Propose?
Getting the timing right when you propose can be tricky.
There are many factors to consider, such as how long you’ve been dating, your level of commitment, and whether or not you’re both ready for marriage.
If you’re ready to get down on one knee and pop the question, here are a few things to keep in mind to make sure the timing is right:
- Have you had a conversation about marriage? It’s important to know what your partner wants before you propose. You don’t want to spring the question on them without any warning.
- Do you both want the same things in life? It’s essential that you’re both on the same page about your future. You should agree on things like starting a family, where you want to live, and your career goals.
- Is now the right time for both of you? There is no perfect time to get engaged, but there may be a better time for you both, such as when finances are stable or when there aren’t many conflicts in the relationship.
- Are you ready to make a lifelong commitment? If you’re not sure you’re ready to stay with your partner forever, it may not be the right time to get engaged. But if you’re confident in your relationship and love for each other, go for it!
How Soon Is Too Soon to Propose? 11 Signs You’re Ready And 7 Signs You’re Not
1. You Feel Comfortable with Each Other
If you’re comfortable with each other, it’s a good sign that you’re ready to take the next step.
You should feel like you can be yourself around your partner and vice versa. It can look like being silly together, serious together, or anything in between.
You’ve made it past the stage where you feel you need to be “on” for the other person constantly and can just relax and be yourselves. This comfort level is essential for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
Comfortability also includes being able to have tough conversations. You don’t resort to politeness when the dialogue gets hard. Instead, you can be completely honest with each other.
2. You Fight Fairly
As mentioned above, challenging conversations and conflict are part of any relationship. What’s important is how you handle that conflict.
Do you fight fairly? Do you listen to each other and try to see things from the other person’s perspective? Or do you just try to win every argument?
Couples who can work through disagreements without hurting each other are usually more ready for engagement or marriage. They’ve already learned how to communicate effectively and compromise with each other.
Positive fighting also includes being able to apologize and forgive each other. No one is perfect, so being able to admit when you’re wrong and move on from it shows a lot of strength in a relationship.
3. There’s Financial Transparency in the Relationship
Money is one of the main sources of stress in a relationship. It’s important to be on the same page about finances before getting engaged or married.
You don’t have to agree on everything, but there should be honesty and transparency around money. For example, if one person is struggling with debt, the other person should be aware of it and be supportive.
They discuss where they are financially, and they can express their future financial goals and discuss how they plan to achieve them together.
4. You’ve Met (and Get Along With) Each Others’ Friends and Family
When you marry your best friend, you also commit to their community. If your partner is close with their family and friends, you must get along with them too.
You don’t have to be best friends with everyone, but you should be respectful and cordial. You should also be reasonable about how much time you’ll need to spend with these people.
For example, when will you go with your partner’s family for the holidays vs. your own? You’ll both need to make compromises, but everyone must be on the same page about them.
5. You’re Willing to Make Sacrifices
Relationships are never entirely fair in the long run, so it’s essential to be willing to make sacrifices for each other.
Whether it’s giving up your favorite TV show because your partner can’t stand it or moving to a new city for their job, making sacrifices shows that you’re truly committed to the relationship.
It’s a good sign if making these sacrifices pale compared to losing your partner.
You may want to stay comfortable in old lifestyle habits, but not as much as you want to stay in the relationship. It shows that your partner is a high priority for you and is marriage material.
6. They Make You a Better Person
One of the best gifts you can give yourself in love is finding someone who brings out the best in you.
If your partner makes you a better person, this is an excellent sign that they will help improve your life over time.
It’s also essential that you improve the quality of their life too with a happier disposition, more confidence, or simply being more supportive.
You should also find that your partner challenges you to grow in areas where you may lack. For example, if you tend to avoid conflict, they may help you become more assertive.
On the other hand, if you’re too quick to anger, they can help teach you how to control your temper. You can help each other achieve mental and emotional balance, which is very important in a lifetime of partnership.
7. You Have a Clear Idea of What Happens Next
It may seem obvious, but knowing what you want to happen after the proposal is crucial.
How soon until the actual wedding? Can you afford a ring and a ceremony? Do you want kids, and if so, how soon?
If you feel sure about the next steps after your proposal, then this is a good sign that you’re ready to take the plunge.
Your partner should feel clear about these things as well. It will help the two of you move forward with confidence and without any big surprises.
8. You Have a Mutually Dependent, Healthy Relationship
Relationships are unique, and balance looks different for every couple. Some people go halves on everything; others contribute what they can based on their earnings. So we’re not here to dictate parameters.
But it’s vital to ensure both of you are happy with your level of dependency on each other — practically and emotionally. Moreover, each party should give and get — however that looks for you.
9. You Dealt With Big Life Challenges Together
Adversity brings people closer together and can build unbreakable bonds. We’re not suggesting you must have a traumatic experience together, but you should clearly understand how you work as a team when the going gets rough.
Have you been through a financial crisis or a big fight and made it through? Better yet, have you spent significant time apart due to a work or family emergency? How did that go? Did you miss each other?
Have you seen each other at your absolute worst and pulled through? You probably shouldn’t propose until you have the answer to this question.
10. You’ve Talked Through the Deeper Considerations
Marriage isn’t just about love, sex, and passion. As lovely as it is to imagine, love doesn’t conquer absolutely everything. Practicalities are the backbone of every successful relationship. So before you pop the question, it’s vital to ensure that you’re open and honest with certain things.
For example, if kids are involved, have you formalized a plan to incorporate them into your new life and blend families?
What about your political positions? Can you live in harmony with one another on that front? You needn’t have the same exact views, but you must be able to respect the other person’s position. The same goes for career aspirations.
Past relationships can also be a sticking point. If you haven’t been open and honest about your history, you may not be ready to say, “until death do us part.”
11. You Share the Same Life Values and Long-Term Goals
Again, we’re not suggesting you must be in lock-step with your significant other on every issue. After all, variety is the spice of life! And a good debate fills the soul.
But if your values are so disparate that you constantly argue and can’t agree to disagree healthily and harmoniously, things will go south quickly.
So before you say, “will you marry me,” make sure your general desires are on the same trajectory.
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7 Signs You’re Not Ready to Get Engaged
Getting engaged too soon can lead to many problems down the road. If these signs sound familiar, it may be best to wait a bit longer before getting married.
1. You Think You’re “Supposed” to Get Married
Many people have an idea of what their wedding will be like before they’ve even met the person they want to marry.
If you’re putting pressure on yourself to get married because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do or are being pressured by others, then it may be best to wait.
Getting married should be a choice you make because you want to, not because you feel like you have to.
There are realistic pressures, such as wanting to have kids by a certain age or being afraid of being alone, but these factors alone shouldn’t determine the proposal.
2. You’re Not Financially Ready
Weddings and engagement rings can be expensive, and starting a new life together can be even more so.
If you’re not in a good place financially, it may be best to wait until you’re both in a better position. This way, you’ll be less stressed about money and can focus on enjoying your new life together.
It’s also essential to ensure that you’re both on the same page regarding finances. Discussing things like debt, savings, and spending habits early on can help to avoid problems down the road.
3. You Have a Transactional Relationship
A transactional relationship is one where each person is only in it for what they can get out of it. Neither person is willing to support the other if they don’t “owe them” anything.
Fairness and balance in relationships come over time. There is rarely a moment where things are perfectly equal, so there must be some give and take.
If your relationship is mainly based on what each person can do for the other, it may be a sign that you’re not ready to get married.
Instead of thinking about what your partner can do for you, try focusing on how you can improve their life. This shift in thinking can make a big difference in the quality of your relationship.
4. There’s Emotional, Physical, or Financial Abuse
Abuse of any kind is never okay.
If you’re in a relationship where you feel like you’re physically, emotionally, or financially abused, then it’s not the right time to make a deeper commitment.
Instead, the best course of action is to get professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can help you to assess the situation and create a plan to get out of the abusive relationship.
5. You Have Conflicts with Friends and Family
You don’t need to get along with your partner’s friends and family, but it could be a significant limitation in your relationship in the long run.
So if you’re struggling with this already, it may be best to wait for marriage.
Talk with your partner about ways to improve these situations before taking the next step. They will, after all, likely be at the wedding itself. And no one wants to deal with drama on their big day.
6. You’re Ignoring the Skeletons in Your Closet
We all have some baggage when we enter a relationship, especially a lifelong one. While it’s impossible to have everything resolved in time for marriage, we must work on our personal issues.
These issues include anxiety, depression, unresolved trauma, or addiction. If you’re not actively working on these things, they will likely cause problems in your marriage.
Having a solid foundation is important before adding the stress of a wedding and marriage to your life. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
7. You Have a Gut Feeling
At the end of the day, deciding when to get engaged is a very intuitive process. You’ll likely have a gut feeling about whether or not the time is right.
Gut feelings manifest differently for everyone, so paying attention to what yours are telling you is essential.
You may feel overall anxiety, tightness in your chest, or a hard time clearing your throat when you think about getting engaged.
It’s natural for there to be a bit of fear before taking a plunge into marriage. But if your gut is telling you that it’s not the right time, it’s important to listen to that rather than rushing in.
Few things are as important in our lives as our relationships. And the truth is, despite everything we were told when growing up and everything we’ve seen in the movies, we are the authors of our own love stories.
So when is right for you? What are your values and goals for the future, and what are your emotions telling you?
The answer is different for everyone. But if you take the time to assess your relationship and yourself, you’ll make a decision that feels right for you.