Relationships are complicated, even when we work at them.
Unfortunately, sometimes partnerships take an unexpected turn, and we must let go of love.
Whether that love is profoundly romantic or feelings of solid friendship, it ends when it ends.
And then, we are faced with falling out of love, which is a challenge.
Can You Actually Fall Out of Love with Someone?
Some science says yes, you can deliberately fall out of love.
Studies have shown that the brain’s ventral tegmental area is activated when you are in love.
The V.T.A is the part of the brain involving hunger, thirst, and feelings of well-being. In other words, to the brain, love is a biological drive, not an emotion.
And in the same study, heartache activated brain functions linked to physical pain.
Thus falling out of love is hard and painful.
But, you can do things to fall out of love with someone. Findings suggest treating recovery from heartbreak as you would an addiction may help.
Clear your environment of everything that reminds you of that person. Such as:
- Throw out the cards and keepsakes.
- Don’t keep in contact.
- Don’t ask friends how that person is doing.
Another strategy that may help diminish heartbreak is distraction-thinking and doing things that make you happy. Distraction slowly replaces that person in the reward center of your brain.
One of the most effective strategies is giving yourself time.
Keep living your life, and things will get easier.
Reasons You May Want (or Need) to Fall Out of Love
Unrequited love, while romantic in the movies, can be painfully overwhelming and a good reason to fall out of love.
In addition to unreciprocated love, there are numerous reasons you need or want to fall out of love with a person.
There might be an overt reason.
Or, it is simply a case of time and growth. The once all-consuming attraction may be gone, and the relationship has become a habit.
Occasionally, we are overwhelmed by someone who is emotionally or legally unavailable. It could include loving a married individual.
It can also involve loving someone geographically distant or whose priorities and life focus don’t have time for a deep relationship.
In this case, it’s better to fall out of love.
Falling out of love with someone who has played a significant role in your life is hard. Sometimes, your fondness for a friend ends.
While not an intimately romantic relationship, they may have caused you pain, which results in a breakup of sorts.
How to Fall Out of Love with Someone: 13 Ways to Let Go
The longing and pain of heartache seem to last forever. And anyone who has experienced a breakup wonders how to fall out of love.
Everyone has their own opinion. We can help return our self-control, allowing us to begin living again. These actions will help.
1. Sever All Contact
If you are serious and you want to fall out of love with someone, end all contact. Don’t try to turn passion into hate or create a negative feeling about them. Severing a connection is more about — out of sight, out of mind.
Don’t visit their favorite places or ask your friends about them. Delete their text messages. And do stay away from social media. Give yourself an adjustment period to start a life without them.
2. Practise Journaling
If you have doubts about your relationship, practice journaling — listing what was wrong. Write down why the relationship didn’t work.
Later, when you miss them, review the list. It will remind you why you chose to move on.
And why you are better off not loving them. Writing things down provides a process allowing you to approach things in the present — logically. Journaling is an excellent method for letting go.
3. Throw Out Their Stuff
Another way to sever the connection with a past love is to get rid of their things. Throwing out all of the keepsakes and silly sweatshirts is cathartic and will help start the healing process.
If the items are expensive, put them away or sell them and buy something new.
You do not need to clutter your surroundings. You ended the relationship for a reason. Now it is time to walk the path.
Give yourself a clean break and revisit the feelings later when they have lost their allure.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Unrequited love is the hardest feeling to stop because, in many ways, it is the perfect relationship. You are in love with an ideal or fantasy. And it is tough to get over a fantasy.
One of the ways you can accept this type of love is to practice mindfulness. Being present emphasizes that the situation will not change.
Being in a situation of unrealized love can also create self-doubt and negative self-esteem. Mindfulness and meditation allow you to step back and see the problem for what it is without fear or judgment.
Then you can do what it takes to heal.
5. Take Time
Healing takes time. Allow yourself the weepy nights. It’s only natural to a point. Falling out of love is, in many respects, a grieving process.
But don’t wallow in self-recrimination and despair. Like any significant loss, there is stepwise denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, the acceptance process to healing.
And it takes time to cycle through the stages. But there will be a day when you forget their eyes’ color or last name. And in time, you can move on.
6. Think of It as a Lesson
When your best friend lets you down, the pain is sometimes worse than a breakup. And the process of falling out of love with a friend is just as complicated.
Often instead of a fear of dating someone new, we develop trust issues.
Throughout a lifetime, people meet between 10,000 and 80,000 people. Each person has something to give or a lesson to teach.
Best friends know our deepest, darkest secrets, and we are lost when that relationship is betrayed. But the recovery process is similar; with effort, we heal with a new understanding of relationships and boundaries.
7. Don’t Obsess
When love ends, we tend to focus on the past. And it isn’t easy to see the future. One great way to help is to set a deadline – give yourself time to mourn your loss and move on.
The art of how to fall out of love includes breaking the cycle of thought that can quickly turn to obsession. Distract your attention, practice being present, and forget about the past.
There is no easy way to fall out of love, no quick drink or potion. It all depends on a willingness to move on.
8. Don’t Seek Revenge
Breaking up is painful, and both men and women find it difficult to accept. They stalk or threaten the new people in your love’s life. There is no dignity in destroying something that once meant so much.
Many who have trouble accepting a breakup also lash out or seek a relationship on the rebound. Rebound relationships might seem reasonable. You are doing what everyone is telling you to do — moving on.
But entering a relationship to assuage feelings or to cause an ex-lover pain can harm everyone involved.
They stalk or threaten the new people – feeling replaced. There is no dignity in destroying something that once meant so much.
9. Face Being Single
Everyone deserves to be happy. Despite what society, our friends, and mothers tell us, being single is not bad.
You choose a negative environment if you remain in an unhappy relationship because you fear being alone or single. And you have probably started falling out of love with someone who does not prioritize or excite you.
Instead, choose to embrace being single. Rediscover yourself, and expand your interests. Move past wallowing in the pain of what was meant to be but never was.
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10. Do Not Blame Yourself
Not everything is your fault. Relationships evolve, and people grow. And sometimes, they outgrow each other. Be honest about your feelings and move on.
Looking deep, we realize we can sense when our partner’s feelings or love have changed. It would be worse if you stayed in the relationship and became unfeeling or distant towards your partner.
Just accept that it didn’t work out. Sometimes it’s just that simple.
11. Increase Your Connections
Replacing your lost love may be hard, if not impossible, immediately. But an excellent way to begin falling out of love is to increase your circle of friends.
In contrast, this doesn’t mean dating everyone you see but meeting new people who will add to your life experiences.
12. Develop a New Hobby
Falling out of love with someone doesn’t happen overnight. And even when you start to distance yourself emotionally, there are still voids to fill – spending time, creating new adventures, and experiencing joy.
But you can always find ways to alleviate the pain. Learn new things, redecorate the house, travel, and adopt an animal. Or just learn to love yourself again.
If you have begun to ask what falling out of love feels like, then chances are you already know the answer.
13. Was It Really Love?
Sometimes the feelings happen so quickly that attraction and infatuation are confused with true love. That initial rush at your first meeting can leave you heartbroken if not reciprocated.
But if it is just a crush, the feelings will quickly fade. In fact, the effort of obsessing over someone often lasts longer than the chance meeting or relationship itself.
Learn the difference between love and lust to be able to move on.
How Do I Stop Feelings for Someone I Love?
Love and affection are basic human needs.
Without them, we would die. To pretend that we don’t need them is unhealthy. However, we can do some things to begin the healing process and eventually move on.
First, accept The Love You Feel. Many times in a breakup, we see love as good when we are happy and bad when we have been rejected, or the relationship fails.
But love itself isn’t a bad thing. It is the relationship that is unworkable. Accept that, even with love, you are not suitable for each.
Time is the primary factor in healing, whether from a cut or a heartbreak.
So to stop the all-encompassing feelings for those that you love:
- Give yourself a grace period – give yourself a break.
- Take that love and turn it inward.
- Take care of yourself instead
- Throw yourself into your present life.
- Try to find new people to fill the void.
How Long Does It Take to Fall Out of Love?
Falling out of love sounds scary. Sometimes you fall out of love quickly because you were never really in love in the first place.
Not knowing how long it takes to fall out of love makes it a more uncertain commitment.
Once you ask, “Am I falling out of love?” the healing journey begins.
Eventually, you notice that feelings and thoughts about a person fade. That it has been weeks since you last thought about them.
Congratulations, this is how falling out of love feels.
While there is no set time, surveys show an average of three to six months to fall out of love. In some cases, grieving for a lost relationship can last past a year.
However, how long it takes to fall out of love depends on several factors, including:
- Length of the relationship
- Depth of the relationship,
- The complexity of the relationship
- Level of entanglement (children, business, extended family)
- A willingness to let go.
Ultimately, our brains determine how long it takes to heal and allow us to move on.
Letting go of a meaningful love can leave you lost and alone.
But instead of hiding from the world, acknowledge the beautiful things about the relationship, including what you learned.
Validate those feelings. Give them space in your heart. And then look to the future.