You’ve probably landed here because you’re confused about the situation with a guy.
You like him a lot, but he’s hopping from hot to cold and sending mixed signals.
It’s been a few months — maybe longer — but the relationship isn’t progressing as you’d like.
And now you’re wondering if he’s as into you as you are him.
Today, we’re unpacking what it feels like when a man doesn’t want you.
Let’s dive in.
Why He Doesn’t Want a Relationship
Love isn’t like math. It’s unpredictable. It’s not a formula. Often, there’s no rhyme or reason why people fall in love. However, there are several common reasons why he may not want to start a relationship with you.
- He’s “Just Not That Into You”: Way back in the 1990s, authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo wrote a book called “He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuse Truth to Understanding Guys.” It flew off the shelves. Granted, it does not hold up today. Things were very different in the 90s. But the basic premise holds: sometimes, guys just aren’t into you — and that’s fine.
- You Don’t Fit His Profile: Some guys are grossly status conscious. It’s more important for them to be with a woman who fits a certain profile. Or maybe he’s a fortune hunter who only seriously considers wealthy women as potential partners. Everyone else is a plaything.
- He’s Unsettled: Is he still going through his maturation stage? Is his life a mess? Is he still toting around baggage from his past? Guys in this stage usually aren’t ready to commit, so try not to get attached.
- Work Is His Priority: Work is a top priority for many people. It may not be the right time if he’s the kind of dude with monetary and professional goals. Remember, it’s not about Mr. Right — it’s about Mr. Right Time.
- He’s in Love With Someone Else: It sucks, but he may be in love with someone else, and you’re the rebound person.
- He’s a Commitmentphobe: Some folks can’t handle commitment. It could be the lingering effects of a traumatic childhood, or it could be their personality. Relationships aren’t for everyone.
- You’re Too Intense: Ninety-nine percent of the time, coming on too strong is not the move. It comes across as smothering, and it’s a huge turn-off.
25 Heartbreaking Signs He Doesn’t Want a Relationship with You
Realizing that your guy isn’t interested in taking your “situationship” to the next level can be devastating — especially if you’re feeling what he’s throwing down.
But the sooner you acknowledge the truth, the better off you’ll be. So let’s look at 25 signs he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship with you.
1. He Only Contacts You When He’s Lonely or Bored
Does he only reach out when it’s convenient for him? Are you a distraction when he’s lonely or bored? Is he inconsistent? One week he’s checking in every day— the next, you don’t hear from him at all.
And yet, he’s all over social media, so you know he’s around. If this sounds a little too familiar, it may signify that he’s not serious about you.
2. He Only Wants Sex
Are you his designated booty call? By all means, if that works for you, have fun! But if you want more and it never progresses past late-night hookups, it’s probably time to move on.
Don’t convince yourself you have the power to change him with your magical vagina. It doesn’t work that way — ever.
3. He’s Always Busy
Everyone gets busy. Work and life are hectic. But if he never has time for you unless he’s horny, that’s an alarming sign.
You deserve better, and if you let him treat you like trash, you’ll be staring down hours of therapy down the line. Save yourself the money and get out now.
4. He’s Emotionally Unavailable
Sure, you go on dates occasionally, but he’s vacant and boring the whole time. He may only talk about himself or barely say anything at all. Now, some people are introverted and quiet. That’s not a problem. But going through the motions is.
5. He Flirts All Over Social Media
If you haven’t committed, it’s not your place to pester him about flirting on social media. But if he’s chasing tail all over town, he’s probably not pining away for you.
6. He’s Not Interested in Meeting Friends and Family
Does he avoid your social circles like the plague? Has he kept you away from his friends? Going a few months without him showing any interest in meeting “your people” is a red flag.
Slow your roll if you’ve only been dating a couple of weeks. It’s important to get to know each other first before waving in friends and family. But after a few months, there’s reason to side-eye the situation.
7. He Belittles You for Asking About Relationships
Does he get annoyed when you try to talk about the relationship? Does he get all huffy and fling around statements like, “I’m not looking for anything serious!” and “Can’t we just keep things the way they are for now!”
If so, there’s a good chance he’s not interested in a commitment with you.
8. He’s an Excuse Machine
Is he a never-ending excuse machine? Is the answer to everything a deflection or dismissal? Nine times out of ten, guys like this are just looking for a “good time.” If your heart is set on something more, it may be time to save it and exit stage-left.
9. You Always Feel Awkward Around Him
People who genuinely like and appreciate you will go out of their way to make you feel relaxed and comfortable. While it’s normal to have butterflies around someone you dig, it’s not the best sign if you’re constantly a nervous wreck.
Instead, it’s a sign that he makes you nervous, which is usually a sign that he doesn’t treat you well.
10. He’s Self-Centered
Does the world revolve around him? Are there signs he’s narcissistic? Can you string a daisy chain out of his broken promises? These are all flashing red alerts that he may not take you seriously.
11. He Gets Panicky When You’re Around His Phone
No, you shouldn’t snoop through anyone else’s phone. But getting jittery because you’re near it is weird and cause for concern. However, if it’s early in the relationship, his ambivalence may be a matter of not yet knowing you.
12. He Always Mentions His Ex
Is he the guy who’s always blabbing on and on and on about his ex? Does he seem to be drowning in a sea of unresolved conflicts?
Are you constantly being compared to other people from his past? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you could be the rebound “girlfriend.”
13. The Relationship is Mentally Draining
Pleasurable things shouldn’t be mentally draining. So if time with him causes you anxiety, burnout, or stress, ask yourself if it’s worth it.
Yes, you may like him, but if he’s not on the same page, there’s probably very little you can do to redirect the ship. Besides, obsessing about someone isn’t fun. In fact, it falls on the toxic side of the scale.
14. He Never Apologizes
Apologizing can be difficult. But mature people tuck tail and get the job done when they’re wrong. Guys that refuse to apologize or sarcastically do it aren’t worth your time. It’s an early warning sign. Heed it!
15. He’s Stingy With Compliments
Does he only shower you with compliments when he wants to get in your pants? Such behavior exhibits a general lack of interest. People who are into you are kind. They let you know they enjoy being in your presence.
16. He’s Constantly Nitpicking
Does a whiff of resentment follow him around? Is it directed at you? Does he frequently poke at your insecurities and nitpick around every corner?
Right now, you may be infatuated. But probe your soul? Do you want to deal with this behavior for years on end? If your answer is yes, run, don’t walk, to a therapist’s office.
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17. The Guy Never Talks About the Future
If he never talks about the future with you, it’s probably because he doesn’t see you in it. Even the most stoic men will slip and paint a romantic picture of the future when he’s interested in committing.
18. He Never Does You Favors
Have you been dating for a few months, and he’s still incapable of doing you small favors? It’s a bad sign, and he’s telling on himself. After all, a person who likes you will lend a hand.
19. He’s Secretive
Is he shady and secretive? Does he have multiple phones? Is he incredibly tight-lipped about nearly everything? None of these are encouraging signals. People who want to be with you open up.
Pull the emergency chord and get out if there’s a strong stench of a double life.
20. He Forgets Special Days
Does he disappear two weeks before and after Valentine’s Day and New Year’s? Did he blank on your birthday? Are you left out of his celebrations?
Let’s face it, you’re probably not at the top of a guy’s mind if he can’t remember your special days, and he doesn’t think to invite you to his.
21. He Asks for Space
When a guy flat out says he wants space, he’s probably letting you down nicely. Sometimes, people want to spend more time with friends, and that’s perfectly OK.
But if it’s more of a general request, think of it as a breakup. When he says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him.
22. He Lies – A Lot
Everyone lies a little bit. Sometimes to save people’s feelings; other times to avoid unnecessary drama. But if you’re guy is addicted to fibbing, cut him loose. People who feel for you don’t constantly lie to you.
23. He Says “He Doesn’t Do Labels”
Is he Mr. Cool who “doesn’t do labels?” That’s fine. But labels have very little to do with establishing the trajectory of a relationship. “Labels” is not a synonym for “mature conversation about the future of your relationship.”
24. He Texts But Doesn’t Hang
Does your relationship take place primarily through text? Is he rarely, if ever, into meeting up in person? If that sounds familiar, that’s not a great sign for the future of your union — especially if you’re both adults.
Some people like to have texting flirt buddies, but they never intend on dialing it up a notch. To them, it’s just a fun flirtation.
25. Your Gut Is Waving Red Flags
Your gut knows you better than you know yourself. Listen to it! If she’s telling you he’s no good, take her advice.
How Do You Act When He Doesn’t Want a Relationship?
If you’ve read through our list of signs that he doesn’t want a relationship with you and realize it’s time to move on, what comes next?
The goal is to exit as gracefully as possible. Instead of letting him steer, take control of the situation, protect your heart, and do what’s best for you.
1. Leave Before He Does
Don’t stick around if he’s treating you disrespectfully. The same holds if you’re not on the same page. It’s a waste of time. And though it may sound petty, dump him before he dumps you. It feels better.
2. Don’t Fight
If he does the dumping, do your best not to lose control. Be cool. If he says he doesn’t want a relationship, respect the decision. Whatever you do, don’t beg. Tell him you understand and get out! If you were meant to be together, your paths will cross in the future.
3. Don’t Immediately Jump Into the “Friend Zone”
Don’t immediately try to be friends. You need time to get over him. So instead, block him on social media. Unfollow his accounts.
Get him out of your system. After you’ve rid yourself of any lingering feelings, you can try friendship. But don’t rush the matter.
4. Focus on Yourself
Make up for lost self-care time and pamper yourself! Refuse to give the situation any more energy than you already have. Doubling down on work, family, and friends can be very healing.
5. Get Back Out There
You’re a gorgeous, vibrant, special person! Don’t hide inside; get back out there! Sure, you can wallow for a little bit, but don’t let it become a problem. Join dating apps! Go on vacation and have a safe one-night stand. Be like Stella and get your groove back!
6. Don’t Lie To Yourself
The number one rule for getting over a guy who’s not that into you is not lying — to yourself. You can’t change him. He doesn’t secretly love you — and if he does, he’ll make an effort to patch things up.
So don’t spend time plotting and telling yourself foolish things. Everyone’s not for everyone. As cliche as it sounds, there are other fish in the sea.
Dating can be a roller coaster, so enjoy the ride! Relationships to nowhere are a rite of passage; it happens to everyone. Take the lessons and move on! It hurts when he doesn’t want a relationship, and you do, but it’s not the end of the world.