7 Essential Stages You’ll Go Through When Getting Back Together With An Ex

One of your past relationships ended in a breakup, but you haven’t been able to let go of the feelings that you had for that person. 

These unsettled thoughts may be mutual, and your ex may feel the same way.

However, there’s the chance that your ex has moved on for the time being. 

If you’re holding hope of reconciling at some point, there are several stages you’ll go through before getting back together with an ex.

How Do You Know If You Should Get Back Together with Your Ex?

One day you ruminate over why you are your ex ever broke up in the first place.

You may feel completely different the next day, and you remember why the breakup happened.

How do you know if you should be open to getting back together with your ex?

Here are some thoughts to consider:

  • If you’ve both grown up, then the issues you dealt with that led to your breakup aren’t relevant anymore because you’ve both developed emotionally in many ways. If you’re confident that you both can act more maturely, it might be time for another shot at the relationship.
  • You get excited when you receive a call or text from your ex and hope they want to reconnect.
  • You realize now that you broke up over something very immature and stupid.
  • Do you have enough in common with each other? You don’t have to like all of the same things, but fundamental values and interests will help a relationship flourish.
  • Do your family and friends support the thought of you getting back together with your ex? If you don’t have their support, there’s likely a reason.
  • Was it the wrong time for a relationship with your ex before your break-up? Have certain conditions changed that make it more favorable for your relationship to work?
  • Was either of you able to move on after your breakup? If the relationship ending just didn’t sit well with you both, and you’re both still missing each other, it’s probably worth another try.

Do Exes Getting Back Together Ever Work?

There are a lot of reasons why a relationship will end. Some of those reasons are pretty trivial when you look back on the argument or misunderstanding. Other causes are much more serious.

For example, an ex cheating on you may have broken your trust in a way that he or she can never earn back. 

couple in the kitchen sad stages of getting back together with an ex

According to Psychology Today, research shows that about 50 percent of people have gotten back together with an ex to start over again.

If you’re thinking about the opportunity to get back together with an ex, there are some things you should consider first.

Don’t rush the opportunity. 

There’s likely some degree of healing for the two of you to rekindle the love you once had for one another. Take all of the time that you need to heal. Otherwise, you’ll find that the relationship will not be successful this time around either.

Don’t settle for convenience.

Are you considering getting back together with your ex because you miss them and the times you shared together? Is there any chance you’re reconsidering this old flame because you’re simply tired of being single?

Don’t settle for your ex just because it’s convenient to do so. You should be considering getting back together because of the feelings you have for each other.

Do you still have disagreements?

Do the two of you feel the same way about the breakup? This could mean that you both agree on who was at fault or understand what went wrong. If there are still disagreements between you, then the rekindled relationship isn’t starting on the right foot.

Pay attention to jealous feelings.

If your ex has communicated that there is someone else interested in them and it’s making you jealous, this isn’t the right reason to get back together.

Your ex may be much happier with that other person, and you should be mature about allowing them to make a choice moving forward.

Are one or both of you unchanged in your differences?

Do you think that things can be very different this time around? The problems that the two of you had before may still be present if there were irreconcilable differences that haven’t changed.

If you’ve both gained insight into why the relationship failed and what a relationship needs to succeed, then this may be the right time to try again.

How Long Does It Take for Exes to Get Back Together?

There’s no definitive time frame for a couple to get back together after breaking up. The amount of time comes down to how long it takes for both people to get over and heal from what happened. 

couple in a cafe talking stages of getting back together with an ex

There may be some resentment work through, and trust issues are common. You can begin the relationship anew when you sort out all of these things.

7 Necessary Stages of Getting Back Together with An Ex

Asking yourself a series of questions can help you work through whether or not you should get back together with an ex.

You must figure out if this is the right step for you or if you should focus your efforts on moving on. Let’s look at the seven necessary stages of getting back together with an ex.

1. View the Relationship as a Whole

There are probably plenty of fond memories that you can look back on. Also, spend some time thinking about the things that weren’t so great about your relationship.

These negative aspects are likely what contributed to the breakup in the first place. 

  • Did the good outweigh the bad? 
  • Were you able to trust your ex?
  • Did your ex trust you? 
  • Did you have petty arguments that ultimately chipped away at the relationship until it wasn’t worth it to continue? 

These events all contribute to whether or not the relationship is salvageable.

2. Have You Both Changed?

Nobody is perfect, and you both contributed to your break-up in some way. However, have both of you changed since then? Are the relevant issues then still relevant now?

couple going through counselling stages of getting back together with an ex

A lot of growth and change needs to occur for you to get back together with an ex. This isn’t a new relationship. Instead, it’s a relationship with someone with a history that may crop up on occasion.

Make sure you both heal the baggage before entering into this ‘new’ relationship.

3. Accept Your Wrongdoings

You need to self-reflect and figure out what you did wrong the first time you and your ex dated.

This introspection is uncomfortable for many people, but you would be surprised at how much you can grow from humbling yourself and looking inward. Hopefully, your ex can do the same.

4. What is Your Motivation?

What exactly are the reasons you want to get back together with your ex? If it’s because you still love them, this rekindling may be worth considering.

However, feeling lonely, needing assistance with finances, or feeling like the odd one out among your friends because you’re single aren’t the right reasons.


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5. What Are Your Ex’s Feelings?

You’ve done a lot of self-reflection so far regarding your old relationship. How does your ex feel about everything? Have they expressed that they’re still very much in love with you?

You should feel confident that they know where they went wrong and what needs improvement. They must acknowledge and apologize for anything they did to hurt you. This closure will help you move on together.

6. Watch for Red Flags

There are some big red flags that you should watch out for. It’s easy to talk about getting back together and changing. Are both of you taking the appropriate actions to change for the better?

If not, and nothing has changed, the relationship isn’t likely to work this time around either.

Sometimes it seems romantic to get back together, but once you’re there, you realize it’s not as great as you had hoped.

If you can’t get past what happened the first time that you dated, then full forgiveness hasn’t happened. You can’t move on properly if either of you is holding a grudge.

7. Get the Green Light

Notice the signs that indicate it’s the perfect time to get back with your ex. These signs can include maturely working together to get things right this time. 

Maybe you’ve had several conversations about what went wrong and how you can improve. You may even be working with a couple’s counselor to build a strong relationship.

These are great steps to take. Separately working on personal growth is also really important.

Though this process can be complicated in many ways, you can learn a lot about yourself by asking some somewhat hard questions. 

No relationship is perfect, but you also don’t need to be in a relationship that isn’t right for you. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional to help walk you through the process of deciding if you should get back together with an ex. 

Do things change when exes get back together? Read this post and learn the stages of getting back together with an ex.

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