Regardless of whether you ended your relationship or your ex who initiated the separation, the harsh truth is that breaking up is hard to do.
You might be over them, or you might wish you were back together.
Either way, our relationships can be as complicated as our emotions.
For any number of reasons–and whether it’s been a week or a decade since you split–you might find yourself wondering how to tell if your ex misses you.
Does My Ex Miss Me? 25 Sure Signs He Does
While it can be difficult to decipher the meaning behind your ex’s actions, there are clues they might be missing you.
Every person and relationship is different, so try to remain objective. There’s no guarantee these signs your ex misses you apply in your situation.
1. They make unexpected contact.
Since you split, you hadn’t heard from them–no calls, messages, or sightings. And then, all of a sudden, they casually reach out to say hey. They let you know they were thinking about you or bring up memory with you.
2. They show regret.
What ends relationships is rarely one-sided. Regardless of who’s most at fault or who ended it, expressing remorse can signal your ex is still into you.
They admit guilt and apologize for past events, whether it’s sincere or manipulative. They assure you they’ve changed.
3. They get in touch on important dates.
If your ex reaches out on important dates, they might still have feelings for you.
Do they send you birthday or holiday cards, message you on the anniversary of your grandmother’s passing, or congratulate you on life events? They might just be a nice person–or they might have ulterior motives.
4. They say it’s so.
The best way to tell if your ex misses you is to hear it directly from the source. Whether a sweeping gesture or something more subtle, if your ex tells you they miss you, aren’t over you, or still love you, it’s probably safe to believe them.
5. Social media says it’s so.
If you’re still friends on social media, they may be checking up on you. Maybe they like or comment on your posts, or their profile picture still includes you. If they post things about you or share things they know would interest you, it could indicate they’re still into you.
6. You receive gifts from them.
People generally send presents to those they care about. If your ex brings you a souvenir from their trip to Hawaii, sends a bottle of your favorite wine on your birthday, or brings you a coffee at work, it can mean they’re missing you big time.
7. You hear it from other people.
Your ex may still be in contact with a member of your family or a mutual friend. If they have difficulty moving on, they may ask about you or even outright share that they miss you. And they probably realize–and hope–that information will get back to you.
8. They offer and seek assistance.
It’s natural to help a romantic partner whenever and however they need you. But your relationship is over, and you both have other people in your support systems. If your ex offers to help you move or asks you for a ride to work, they might miss you.
9. You run into them a lot.
Running into your ex once in a while isn’t uncommon. But if it frequently happens–especially at times or places they know you will be there–they might be coordinating it that way. Beware if it happens too much or starts to feel creepy.
10. They want to spend time with you.
If your ex suggests grabbing drinks or coffee to catch up, it might mean they miss you. They might even be testing the waters for a reunion.
A more pure possibility is that they miss your company and just want to know how you’re doing.
11. Openly recalls the past.
They’re feeling nostalgic and might be trying to make you feel the same. Reminiscing about good times from your past or expressing how much your relationship meant to them could be an attempt to re-spark a flame.
Maybe they remind you of a road trip you took together or an inside joke that you share.
12. Jealousy is their goal.
It can be hard to see an ex with somebody new for the first time–or always. But if they are genuinely jealous when they see you with someone new, it’s a sign they’re not over you.
Or maybe they flaunt their new love interest in front of you in a ploy to get your attention or hurt you.
13. You have a strong feeling.
Intuition is a real, powerful thing. If you have a gut feeling that your ex is thinking about you or yearning for the past, don’t automatically assume your imagination is running wild. Maybe they’re thinking of you, and you’re picking up on their energy.
14. They’re still single.
Your ex might hold off on dating someone new because they enjoy being single. Or it could be because they miss you. Needing time to recover from a breakup doesn’t automatically indicate they want to reunite. Maybe they just need more time to get used to a new normal, one without you.
15. They’re delighted to see you.
It can be awkward to be around your ex, regardless of how much you used to enjoy their company. But if yours looks forward to seeing you and seems happy because you’re around, they might be having a hard time letting you go.
16. They jumped into a new relationship.
Your relationship barely ended before your ex created their new online dating profile. They started dating freely or jumped into a new relationship immediately.
In this case, your ex may be trying to get your attention. Or they’re trying to avoid feeling hurt, so they’re on the rebound.
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17. They’re still upset with you.
Emotions are powerful things, and our behaviors don’t always match up. Your ex can miss you and be angry with you simultaneously. Perhaps casual encounters tend to turn ugly.
They might even spread rumors about you or play the victim card to anyone who will listen.
18. They have quick response times.
People tend to make time for the things that matter most to them. If you notice that your ex always replies quickly when you reach out, or it’s clear that communicating with you is important, it could mean they still think you’re special and aren’t over you.
19. They seem down.
Maybe you see your ex at work or the gym every day, and they just seem off. If they look sad or down, it could indicate they aren’t over you. Note it’s equally possible something else is going on in their lives, and it has nothing to do with you.
20. They contact you when intoxicated.
Alcohol tends to bring emotions to the surface. If your ex contacts you after a late night out and sounds drunk, they might be missing you.
The subtext of the communication might even be a booty call. Proceed with extreme caution here–and consider ignoring their late-night attempts to contact you.
21. They justify interactions with you.
Finding ways to talk to you and see you in person might be a sign. Maybe they send you messages with information that matters to you, like newly released tour dates about a band you both like. Or they keep finding your stuff at their place or asking about things they left at yours.
22. They want to be friends.
It’s not unheard of to be friends with an ex, but it’s more common to stay away from each other–at least while the breakup is still new. If your ex suggests a friendship, they might be trying to rekindle the flame. It’s also possible, of course, that they sincerely miss your presence and your friendship.
23. They openly contemplate what could have been.
Instead of focusing on the future, your ex reflects on alternate routes your relationship could have taken–ones that keep you together. Maybe they express thoughts of what it would be like if you had completed a goal you set together or had taken the vacation you’d started planning.
Talking about the what-ifs can indicate your ex isn’t over you.
24. They want to discuss what happened.
The relationship is over, and you’ve both said your peace. You’re moving on–and then your ex reaches out to say they want to talk about what went wrong. It’s possible they are trying to learn from their mistakes and get closure–or they might want a chance to show you they’ve changed.
25. They make sure you know they’ve changed.
Your ex is likely quite aware of certain opinions of them that you held. Well, they’ve changed for the better, and they make sure you know it.
Whether they changed a habit you didn’t like or picked up a hobby you would like, they want you to know they’ve grown.
Why Doesn’t My Ex Miss Me?
Maybe you were moving on just fine, and then bam!–you realize they already have. It can sting a bit when you realize your ex is over you, but know that that doesn’t affect your worth or desirability.
As Lalla said, “The toughest part of letting go is realizing the other person already did.”
Here are a few possible reasons your ex doesn’t miss you.
- Someone cheated. They might feel ashamed or resentful. Either way, they want to put it behind them.
- You contact them too much. They might feel smothered.
- They’re in a new relationship. They’re seeing someone new and happy.
- They’re busy. Maybe they’ve immersed themselves in school, work, self-improvement, or a new hobby.
- It’s just not meant to be. Heartache sucks. But relationships end for a reason, and yours wasn’t meant to be.
- They’ve moved on–plain and simple. They’ve processed their emotions and have let go of the past.
So, what’s the verdict– does your ex miss you?
Either way, here’s some advice:
Instead of focusing on your past relationship and asking, “Will my ex miss me if I ( fill in the blank )?” – learn from your mistakes and use them to grow and discover the bigger and better things that await you in life!