Over time the romantic spark that was so bright when you and your husband got married can start to dim.
Many factors contribute to this loss of romance, and unfortunately, it may result in diminished intimacy and an aversion to being touched.
What do you do when you find yourself thinking, “I hate being touched by my husband”?
It’s difficult to openly and honestly face issues in your relationship (especially related to physical intimacy).
Still, it’s also the first step in repairing intimate relationships with a boyfriend or husband.
What Does It Mean if You Don’t Want Your Partner to Touch You?
If you don’t want your partner to touch you, you probably feel guilty and a little helpless. Many women think something is wrong with them, but that is not true.
There are many reasons you may feel this way, as well as strategies to fix it.
Losing the spark in a marriage can be a heartbreaking experience. Taking the time to figure out what your physical aversion means is the first step towards repairing your marriage. Psychology Today reviewed a study showing why women feel bothered by their husbands’ touch. So, what does it mean if you don’t want your partner to touch you?
- You and your husband are having trouble connecting physically.
- Women often need more emotional intimacy.
- Childbirth and hormonal changes can negatively impact sex drive in women.
- You can feel overwhelmed by your partner’s need for sex, viewing it as another chore.
I Don’t Want My Husband to Touch Me Anymore: 13 Reasons You Just Aren’t Feeling It
If you find yourself thinking, “I don’t want my husband to touch or kiss me,” know you are not alone, and the feeling is much more common than women talk about.
Some women feel ashamed because they want to avoid the touch of their boyfriend or husband. Identifying why you feel aversion towards physical intimacy is the best place to start.
1. Underlying Problems
One of the most common causes of thoughts like “I don’t like being touched anymore” is underlying problems in the relationship.
When we hold resentment towards our husbands, we don’t feel connected with them. Often the negative feelings towards our partners manifest as sexual aversion.
If we are angry with our boyfriend or husband for something they’ve done, we often need to address the issue before we can enjoy their physical touch again.
2. Lack Of Communication
Communication is one of the pillars of a healthy and thriving relationship, but it tends to suffer over time. We get wrapped up with work, kids, family, and life and forget that we need to connect and communicate with our husbands to foster healthy intimacy.
If you feel emotionally disconnected because there’s little honest communication, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to be touched by your partner.
3. Focus On Physical Intimacy And Not Emotional Intimacy
Our husbands and boyfriends may focus more on physical intimacy and neglect romantic intimacy.
Fostering romance and emotional intimacy helps build attraction. If your partner neglects romance, you’re more likely to shy away from physical touch.
If your relationship lacks this emotional closeness, you make think, “I don’t feel anything when he touches me” because he feels like a stranger.
4. Feelings Of Neglect
We all know how challenging it can be to give our relationships the necessary attention and affection needed for them to thrive.
Sometimes we put our marriages on the backburner to focus on other obligations and responsibilities. If this occurs with our spouses, we experience feelings of neglect which can kill libido and sever the connection needed to enjoy physical intimacy.
5. Focus On His Needs
If you’ve found yourself complaining to friends, “My husband is always touching me,” he may be too focused on his own needs while neglecting yours.
Satisfying physical intimacy requires both partners to meet the other’s sexual needs and desires.
If our partners neglect our needs, we often feel used or objectified. If your husband repeatedly ignores your needs, you may seek ways to get out of a sexual encounter.
6. The Relationship Is Toxic
Every marriage has its ups and downs, but some relationships devolve into toxicity. Toxic relationships are unbalanced and unhealthy.
Behaviors from your partner like manipulation, lying, gaslighting, and isolation can sour any sense of closeness you once had.
A toxic or emotionally abusive husband can leave you disconnected from friends and family. They make you feel ashamed, as though everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. If this is the case, your aversion to physical touch is warranted and likely a defense mechanism.
7. Lack Of Self-Confidence
Many things affect our self-confidence. Our bodies change, especially after having children, and our confidence can suffer as time goes on.
We may neglect healthy diet and exercise habits and feel insecure about our extra weight or slack muscle tone.
Self-confidence is an integral part of a healthy sex drive, and insecurity kills libido. Lack of confidence impacts even the healthiest relationships because you don’t feel comfortable in your skin.
8. Neglecting Self-Care
Self-care is another vital part of maintaining a healthy sex drive. Sometimes we get busy, our schedules get hectic, and our self-care regimens go out the window.
Neglecting self-care can also impact how we see ourselves. When we feel attractive, we’re more likely to want to be touched by our husbands and boyfriends.
We need love and affection from our spouses, but we also need to offer it to ourselves to feel attractive and ready for physical intimacy.
9. Getting Wrapped Up in Routine
Spontaneity is the spice of life, and mundane routines can leave things feeling a bit boring. When we get wrapped up in our schedules and habits, our sex life suffers.
We start and end the day the same way and feel like there is no time for physical intimacy. It’s essential to prioritize romance and intimacy even when we feel weighed down by responsibilities outside the relationship.
10. Lack Of Love In Relationship
Sometimes when you hit a dry patch, you may if you’re still in love with your husband. In healthy relationships, the feelings of love and attraction continue to fluctuate throughout the years but remain intact for the long haul.
However, if things start to feel different, and you feel the love is gone, it’s time to start communicating to see if the relationship is salvageable or if it’s time to move on.
11. Changes In Libido
Our libidos change and fluctuate throughout our life. We have to be honest about where we are related to our sexual desire.
It’s okay to have a different sex drive from your partner, but you need to discuss where you are with your libido. If you feel like you’d rather read a book than have sex with your husband, you may be experiencing changes in libido and sex drive.
12. Stress Of Day To Day Life
It can be tough to separate our outside stressors from our home life. Frustrations with co-workers and bosses can make us stressed and exhausted.
External stresses and anxieties can make their way into the bedroom even if the relationship is otherwise healthy.
While it can be hard to leave stress at the doorstep, carrying them with you is like pouring cold water on your sex drive.
13. Feeling Exhausted
Sometimes, balancing kids, household chores, work, grocery shopping, and balancing schedules gets overwhelming.
Filling your plate with tasks can leave you mentally exhausted and increase your sexual aversion.
You and your husband must equally share household responsibilities, so it doesn’t fall all on you.
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What Do You Do When You Don’t Want to Touch Your Husband?
If you’ve identified some reasons why you don’t want to touch or be touched by your husband, you’re ready to start remedying the problem.
Most of these require lifestyle changes and new practices to build intimacy with your husband. Identifying the problem often makes the issue seem less overwhelming and confusing and motivates you to get the spark back in your marriage.
1. Take Time For Romance
Satisfying physical intimacy requires emotional intimacy. You can’t sustain one without the other for long.
Make sure you are taking the time to foster romance in your marriage. Try setting a date night or a specific time each day to just be with each other without distractions.
This time helps build the emotional connection and intimacy that led you to fall in love with each other.
2. Practice Open Communication
It is vital to have open communication both in and outside the bedroom. Practice communicating your needs and desires both physically and emotionally.
If you don’t tell your husband, chances are they aren’t able to read your mind. You need to both share what you need in the relationship.
3. Work On Self-Confidence
If you find yourself critiquing your body often, you need to build self-confidence. It can be hard to feel in the mood if you don’t feel comfortable in your skin.
Exercise and meditation practices are great ways to build self-confidence and boost your libido.
4. Start Couples Counseling
If you feel like underlying issues cause your aversion to your husband’s touch, consider going to couples counseling.
It can be hard to unpack years of unresolved issues, and a neutral party can help ensure both you and your husband hear each other while you work to heal your relationship.
5. Prioritize Your Marriage
Our marriages may slip to the back burner as the years go by. If we don’t prioritize our marriage, sexual intimacy will suffer.
You need to make intimacy a big deal in your marriage, even if you have to schedule it. Yes, it’s tricky with kids, work, family, and other responsibilities, but prioritizing your marriage helps you feel more connected, so you enjoy your husband’s touch rather than feel annoyed by it.
Feeling like you don’t want to be touched by your husband or boyfriend can instill overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. Intimacy is an integral part of a healthy marriage. Luckily, it is far more common than we may believe.
If you take the time to heal your relationship and libido, you can build back the attraction and loving affection you once had in your marriage.