21 Soul-Crushing Signs He Is Not The One For You (Even If You Love Him)

It happens to everyone at some point in life. 

You meet someone and think that he could be the one. 

But after some time, you realize he may not be your forever match. 

You may occasionally feel caught up in the moment, but your gut tells a different story.

Wondering how to know he's not right for you or if you simply have cold feet? 

Getting clearer on what's working and what's holding you back from the relationship will help you make an informed decision on how to move forward.

So, let's dive in and explore some key indicators that could indicate he's not the one for you.

21 Soul-Crushing Signs He Is Not The One For You

Here are some key indicators that he may not be the one for you, no matter how much connection you feel.

You may have noticed some of these signs in your relationship.

If that's the case, stepping back and evaluating if this person is right for you is important.

1. You Don't Feel Supported

A great relationship is built on mutual feelings of trust, respect, love, and support.

If you feel like you constantly have to prove yourself and make things work, while your partner doesn’t put in the same effort, he may not be the right one for you.

A lack of support can manifest in several ways, including ignoring your emotions, disregarding how you feel, or even neglecting to contribute practical aid when it is necessary.

2. You Don't Share the Same Sense of Humor

Humor is more than just a way of connecting with someone else. It's how we express how we feel and understand life's challenges.

But it can also be a way for two people to create an emotional connection and bond over shared experiences.

If you don't share the same sense of humor, it may be hard to connect on a deeper level.

If you regularly feel like you and your man are off regarding how you both understand how life works, it may be a sign that he's not the one for you.

3. One of You Is a Homebody and the Other Isn't

It's true opposites attract, and sometimes it's a good sign when one person is more outgoing, and the other is a homebody.

However, sometimes a homebody wants just that – a partner who will stay home and enjoy cozy nights in.

If you feel your partner doesn't match your social needs and you're holding back on things you enjoy, the relationship may not be compatible in the long run.

4. He's Unavailable Emotionally

It's one thing to take it slow with sharing emotional vulnerability, but it's another if you don't feel like your boyfriend is emotionally available at all.

A lack of emotional availability can reveal itself over time as you try to dig deeper into getting to know someone else.

He may change the subject when you ask probing questions or brush your feelings off when you're sharing with him. Emotional avoidance makes it challenging to take a relationship to the next level.

5. You Don't Connect with His People

Issues with your partner's in-laws or even friends aren't uncommon in a relationship. But if you feel a constant disconnect between you and your significant other's social group, it may be hard to stay in the relationship.

It's worth addressing the issue and having a conversation about how to make things better.

If your relationship is still not progressing after that, then it may be time to step back and reconsider how invested you are and how much you're willing to spend time with the people in his life.

6. You're Always Fighting

Fighting isn't necessarily a bad thing in a relationship, as it can allow couples to discuss how they feel and how they can resolve issues. 

But if your arguments are more frequent than not, and you find yourself repeatedly fighting about the same things, you must address the underlying issue.

7. There's Abuse in the Relationship

Abuse in any relationship is a clear sign that it's time to leave. Whether it's physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, it can devastate how you view yourself and interact with others.

Signs of abuse often emerge early in a relationship, before a major altercation. So it's helpful to keep an eye out for any red flags.

If your partner is controlling, manipulative, or aggressive toward you in any way, then there are no excuses for staying in the relationship, and it's time to seek help.

8. You Don't Feel a Strong Physical Connection

Physical intimacy is an essential part of any relationship, and it should be something that both partners are comfortable with.

If you don't feel the chemistry in the bedroom, it may be hard to keep the spark alive.

There are many reasons why this may happen, such as the way one or both people feel about your bodies, how you were raised around sex, and how open they are to trying new things. 

Discussing these issues is important to ensure you both feel comfortable moving forward intimately.

9. He's Not Taking the Relationship Seriously

You've been ready to move in with him for a while, but he's still unsure how he feels about the relationship. A lack of commitment can be troubling for both parties and create tension in the relationship.

Your partner may still be on the fence about how seriously he wants to take things with you. After several months of discussing your relationship's future, it may be time to set boundaries and give him an ultimatum.


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10. Your Friends and Family Members Get a Bad Vibe

When our partners don’t accept our significant others, it can stress our lifestyles. Suddenly, we dread bringing our partners to social events or holiday gatherings. 

Whether or not our loved ones support our relationships is ultimately out of our control, but seriously considering their concerns is important. Perhaps they see some signs he is not a nice guy – signs you are overlooking.

If your family and friends aren't vibing well with your boyfriend, ask yourself why and if their concerns have any merit.

11. You're No Longer a Priority

Relationships require attention, communication, and mutual respect. Suppose your boyfriend isn't making you the priority anymore or cannot put effort into spending quality time together.

In that case, it could suggest that he's no longer interested in pursuing the relationship.

Taking you off the list of priorities is a red flag. Does he act less affectionate or kind towards you as he distances himself from the relationship? 

If he's not being very considerate or respectful, take some space and reevaluate if this relationship is what you want. Don’t allow him to assume brushing you aside is acceptable.

12. It Just Doesn't Feel Right

Sometimes it's hard to put your finger on what's not right in a relationship. Perhaps your partner is attractive, kind, successful, and looks great on paper. But you still have a gut feeling he's not the one and can't shake it.

This can be tricky because your friends and family may encourage you to stick it out. But if you keep feeling that something isn't right, then trust your gut. 

Our intuition is there for a reason, sometimes providing useful information when we can't logically or consciously work out why a situation doesn't feel right.

13. You Have Personal Stuff to Work Out

Maybe you deeply love your partner and want him with all of your heart, but you feel bound to your past or trapped by a trauma you haven't resolved.

If this is the case, making room for yourself and your personal growth is important.

You don't necessarily need to step back from the relationship. In fact, some of the best partners can be great support systems for healing and growing.

But in other cases, it can create a toxic situation if neither of you has the energy or resources to support the other.

Take the time to identify how your partner can support your healing journey and how you will handle it if the situation becomes difficult.

14. Your Politics Are Totally Different

By no means does your partner have to share the same political beliefs as you. But your relationship may become a challenge if you two have fundamentally different values regarding political issues and leaders.

Political differences can cause deep rifts in relationships. Compromising principles like social justice, economic equality, and human rights is hard when two people have dramatically different opinions.

15. Your Spiritual Needs Don't Mesh

Spiritual and religious beliefs also can create roadblocks in otherwise compatible partnerships.

If you're a deeply spiritual person with faith-based values and principles, it may be challenging to stay with someone who doesn't share or respect your beliefs.

Sometimes, people can find ways to compromise on how they practice their faith while still allowing the other partner to express their spirituality. But in other cases, finding a middle ground may be difficult or even impossible.

16. There's a Lack of Trust

When we enter a deeper relationship with our partners, such as moving in together, having children, or getting married, we must trust each other.

If there is a lack of trust between you and your partner, then this may be a sign that the foundation of your relationship isn't strong enough.

Maybe something happened in the relationship that burned a bridge, or the trust issues are unfounded and stem from past relationships.

Whatever the case, resolving this issue is important, or it will slowly erode your relationship over time.

17. You Feel Bored

Not every moment of a relationship needs to be an extravaganza. But your partner may not be the one if you are unfulfilled and bored in the relationship.

You may struggle with finding topics to discuss with each other, or you may get sick of the same old date night or movie night. 

There needs to be some variety and “spice” in a relationship to sustain it. If that's lacking in your situation and your guy isn’t stepping up, ask yourself if you can live with the lack of fulfillment ongoing.

18. There's a Parent/Child Dynamic

It's natural for relationships to have shifting dynamics, but it shouldn't feel like you're in an unequal or unhealthy relationship.

Does your partner always seem to make decisions for the two of you and rarely lets you make choices on your own? Does he treat you like a child who he can control?

This parent/child dynamic could also occur when your guy is emotionally immature, and you feel in the position of parenting him.

When you see this childish or controlling behavior, it strongly indicates that your partner isn't the one. You want a grown man – not a man-baby.

19. You Handle Finances Differently

We already know that money plays a significant role in our lives. But how couples handle money and finances can be a huge source of stress and arguments, especially if your approaches to money management differ.

If you and your partner have different beliefs about handling money, moving forward together in life could become complicated.

20. You Can't Agree on Kids

People don't always plan how they want to raise children until they actually have them, but if you and your partner don't share the same views on how you should raise kids, it could become a major point of contention in the relationship.

Even worse, one of you may want kids while the other doesn't, making the situation even more challenging to navigate.

It's hard to justify putting a lot of time and energy into a relationship when one or both people defer their hopes for a child.

21. Your Careers and Lifestyles Goals Don’t Match

People grow and evolve, especially regarding how they want to live their lives.

If you notice that your careers or lifestyle paths are diverging, this could be a sign that the relationship will not last.

Perhaps one person values working 12 hours daily, while the other wants a work-life balance that includes plenty of time for leisure. 

These different preferences can create complications when finding quality time together, sharing a home, or raising a family.

What to Do If Your Partner Is Not Right for You

When you realize your boyfriend isn't the one for you, knowing how to handle the situation can be hard.

It's important to remember that you both are responsible for how the relationship has developed and try your best to end it respectfully. 

  • Make a list of reasons why you think he isn't right for you, or free-write your thoughts down.
  • Talk to a trusted friend or family member for advice.
  • Seek professional help from a licensed individual or couples therapist.
  • Make time to reflect and process how you feel.
  • Create expectations and goals with your partner if you plan on moving forward.
  • Set clear boundaries with your partner if you plan on breaking up.
  • Communicate how the relationship needs to change for it to continue.

Realizing that your feelings or needs have shifted in a relationship is challenging.

But putting aside time to process and strategize what's best for yourself will help you to take on the situation with compassion and grace.

Can You Love Someone Who Isn’t Right for You?

Love is a complex emotion, and it can be hard to differentiate between how we feel in the moment and how we might feel in the long run. 

It is entirely possible to love someone unconditionally while realizing they may not be right for us.

Love is about accepting people for who they are, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are ready to cultivate a sustainable romantic relationship.

Furthermore, love doesn't have to end when a relationship does. It's possible and even common to love people from afar, wish the best for them, and even be friends with them in the future.

Final Thoughts

It can be scary to take a step back and reevaluate your relationships. Be kind to yourself and trust your gut. If something isn't feeling right, it's probably not.

If any of the signs outlined here sound familiar, take a step back and assess the situation. You can make healthy, growth-promoting decisions through self-reflection, communication, and courage.