Wondering If You Should Text Him? Here Are 17 Rules To Help You Know When You Should And Shouldn’t

Are you stuck in a texting dilemma? 

Do you want to hit that ‘send’ button, but you’re unsure if it's the right move? 

Texting can be tricky; what if you come off as too eager or, worse, needy? 

Well, have no fear because we've got all the answers you need.

In this post, we’ll cover some rules to help you figure out when you should and shouldn't text him. 

So if your thumbs are itching to type something out – read on!

You'll never look at texting the same again.

Is It Bad to Text a Guy First?

“Should I text him first, or should I wait for him to text me?” 

Is it bad to text a guy first? 

It's totally OK to text a guy first! In fact, sometimes texting him first is the right move. It all depends on the situation and your relationship with him.

When is it okay to text him first?

  • When you genuinely need something.
  • To ask him out on a date.
  • If you haven’t heard from him in a while and want to ensure everything's OK.
  • After your first date, if you two had a great connection and left on good terms.

When Is it Not Okay to Text Him First?

  • After a long period of silence.
  • If he has treated you poorly in the past.
  • To ask a question that could easily wait until another day.
  • When you're constantly sending him messages, and he hasn't responded to any of them.
  • If it's something that you can discuss in person.
  • After a first date, if you two had a mediocre to bad connection and left on awkward terms.

If you're just getting to know each other, then it could be seen as too eager or desperate to initiate contact before he does

Should I Text Him? 17 Rules You Need to Know

“Who should text first, him or me?” This is a common dilemma that many girls face. Unfortunately, the answer isn't so black and white.

There are certain situations where it's okay to text him first and others where you should wait for him to text you.

So how do you know the difference?

Don't Text Him Rules

1. Don't Text Him When You're Drunk

Drunk texts are often embarrassing and regretful and don't always send the message you intended.

That's because alcohol impairs your ability to think clearly, as well as your judgment and decision-making skills.

When intoxicated, it can be easy to make mistakes or write something that you might later regret, which can lead to hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and unnecessary drama. Additionally, alcohol lowers your inhibitions, making it more likely for you to write something inappropriate or offensive.

Sending a message while drunk can also give the other person the wrong impression of you, especially if you don't know each other well.

2. Don't Text Him When You're Angry

Are you frustrated with him for not texting you back after your date? Or maybe he said something that upset you the last time you hung out.

In any case, don't text him while you're angry. It's never a good idea to hit send when your emotions run high.

You will likely fill your message with accusations and hurtful words, which can do more harm than good and worsen the situation. It's also possible that he won't understand why you're upset, which could lead to further misunderstandings.

3. Don't Text Him in the Middle of the Night

Who likes being woken up in the middle of the night by the ding of a text message? No one!

That's why it's best to avoid texting someone in the middle of the night unless it's an urgent situation. And even in an emergency, think twice before sending that message.

Could it wait til the morning? If it can't, can this emergency be handled by someone else?

girl in bed using phone should I text him

If you don't know him that well, don't text him late at night, it could make him uncomfortable and will most likely leave a bad impression.

4. Don't Text Him Too Much

If you don’t know him well or your relationship is still in its early stages, don't bombard him with messages. It will be annoying and put a lot of pressure on him and make him feel like he has to reply to all your messages.

Sending more than one message at a time makes you look too eager or desperate, which can be a major turnoff.

So don’t text him too often, and don’t send long conversations in one message. Keep your texts short, sweet, and to the point.

5. Don’t Text Him First After a First Date if He Said He Will Text You

We've all gotten the “I'll call or text you” line after a first date. Sometimes, this line is genuine, and other times it's just a polite way of saying goodbye, especially if the date didn't go well.

If he said he'll text you, don't break that unspoken rule by texting him first. Wait for him to make a move. If it doesn't happen within a few days, don't give up hope; sometimes, people are busy, or they simply don’t know what to say after a date.

But if he hasn't contacted you after several days, don’t hesitate to take the initiative and send him a message. Rule of thumb: don't text him until after three days. That way, you don’t seem too eager or desperate.

6. Don't Text Him If You're Looking for Validation

If you don't feel good about yourself and you're looking for reassurance from him, stay away from your phone! 

Relying on someone else to make you feel better about yourself is a sign of low self-esteem.

It's also manipulative, as it puts the other person in an awkward position by expecting them to give you the validation you need.

Instead, focus on building your self-worth, and don't look for validation from anyone else. You can do this by finding activities that make you feel good about yourself, like working out or pursuing hobbies.

7. If He Has Ghosted You Before, Don't Text Him

Going silent is a way of saying, “I don't want to talk to you anymore,” without actually saying anything.

It's a cowardly move, and it’s best just to move on and not look back. He's made it clear that he doesn't want to talk to you, so don’t bother trying again.

Don't waste your time trying to get in touch with someone who doesn't even care enough to reply. There are plenty of other people out there who will appreciate you.

And if he starts texting you again after ghosting you, don't be afraid to ask him why he blew you off in the first place. This will help you decide whether it's worth pursuing a relationship with him or not.

8. Don’t Text Him If He Is an Ex and You Want Closure

Never text an ex for closure if you don't actually want to get back together. Sending a message will only give them false hope and leave you feeling more confused and hurt than before.

The best way to move on from an ex is by cutting off all contact with them. That means no texting, chatting, or even checking their social media profiles. You shouldn't even be friends on Facebook!

It's time to focus on yourself and don’t let your ex take up any more of your mental energy. Trust us; you don't need them in your life.

9. Don't Text Him If He Is Deliberately Pulling Away

We've all been there, you really like this guy, and then out of the blue, he starts pulling away from you for no apparent reason. He might tell you he needs space or is not ready for a relationship. 

Whatever the reason, if you don't want to be stuck in an endless cycle of confusion and heartbreak, it's best you don’t text him again. It will only make things worse because he is already trying to create distance between you. 

If he does contact you, ask him to be honest about his intentions for the relationship. If he can't give you a straight answer or if he's not willing to commit, it's time to move on and find someone else who deserves your love.

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Do Text Him Rules

10. Only Text Him If You Genuinely Need Something

If you need help with something, don't hesitate to reach out and text him. Whether it's a question about a project or advice on how to handle a difficult situation, don't be afraid to ask for help.

Just don’t make a habit of leaning on him for everything – it will make your relationship one-sided, and he won't feel appreciated. It also signals that you don't trust yourself to make decisions on your own.

11. Text Him If You Want To Make Plans

It's totally ok to take the initiative and text him if you want to get together, hang out, or go out on a date. Initiating conversation is also a good way to show him that you're interested and don't have to wait for him to make the first move.

However, be careful not to give off a desperate vibe. If he doesn't show interest, don't keep texting him relentlessly; simply move on and don't take it personally.

12. Text Him First If You Two Are Already in a Relationship 

In an established relationship, feel free to text him first if you want to hang out or just say hi. This will show him that you don’t take your relationship for granted and don't expect him always to be the one initiating conversations.

And don't be afraid to be a bit flirty! Texting can be a great way to keep the spark alive and remind your partner why they chose you in the first place. It also shows that you don't take your relationship for granted.

13. Text Him If You Have an Important Issue to Discuss

If something important needs to be addressed, don't hesitate to text him and let him know what's on your mind. Don't hesitate to reach out, whether it's a personal issue or a work-related matter.

Having a conversation over text can prevent misunderstandings, clarify things, and help you both reach an agreement. It also helps you have difficult conversations without the added pressure of having to look him in the eye.

14. Text Him If You Want To Apologize

Have you done something wrong? Text him and apologize. A sincere apology can go a long way in repairing any damage you might have done to your relationship. 

It's essential to address the issue as soon as possible and don’t wait too long before you reach out because it can show a lack of respect and understanding on your part. 

Be humble and don’t make excuses, don't be afraid to admit when you’re wrong and don’t let your ego get in the way.

15. Text Him If He Is Going Through Something Difficult

We all have our difficult days, so don't hesitate to text him if he's going through a rough patch and offer your support. It can be as simple as saying you're there for him if he needs to talk or just reminding him that better days will come soon.

It's a kind gesture and will show him that you don't take your relationship for granted. He'll appreciate it, and it might just remind him to get back on track.

16. Text Him If You Miss Him

If you miss your guy and want to let him know, don't hesitate to text him! 

A simple “I miss you” message can turn his day around. It's a small gesture that will make him feel appreciated and remind him of why he likes you in the first place.

Just don't overdo it – don't send too many messages, and don't make it into a habit of relying on your guy to make you feel better.

17. Text Him If You Have Something Exciting to Share

Got some exciting news?  Text him, and don't be afraid to brag a little bit. Whether you got that job promotion you've been chasing or finally achieved something you’ve been working towards, don’t hesitate to share the news with your guy.

He'll appreciate it, and being part of your success will make him feel proud. Plus, it's an opportunity to celebrate together and enjoy a little victory.

How to Not Text Him When I Shouldn't

We’ve discussed when it's okay to text him and when it's not, but how do you stop yourself from sending a text when you know it's not a good idea? We know it can be hard when you’re aching to hear from him.

But you need to maintain your classiness and confidence, girlfriend. Here are some tips to help you stay strong.

  • Walk away from your phone: The best way to avoid texting him is to stay away from your phone in the first place. If it's not around, you don't have to worry about hitting ‘send’!
  • Change his name on your phone: If you don't want to delete his contact, try changing his name on your phone. Renaming him something like “Do Not Text” or “Wait Until He Texts First” will be a great reminder of when NOT to hit that send button.
  • Think of the consequences: Take a minute to think about the consequences of sending him a text – will it positively impact your relationship? Or could things get worse if you don't wait for him to text first?
  • Talk to someone: Have a conversation with your friend or family member about why you are having trouble following the rule of not texting him when it’s inappropriate. They can provide valuable advice that will help you break this unhelpful habit.
  • Find a distraction: Distraction is always your friend when resisting an impulse. Find something else to do to take your mind off the urge to text him. From going for a run to working on a project – take it one step at a time, and you'll get there.
  • Be honest with yourself: Pay attention to how often he initiates contact compared to you. If the balance is tipped in your favor, take a step back and don't text him for a while. This will give him space to miss you and think of you.

Final Thoughts

Texting can be a great way to stay connected with someone, but knowing when it's appropriate is vital. 

Just remember – if you're in doubt, the best thing to do is just ask yourself: “Would I want to receive this message?!” or  “Will this message positively impact our relationship?”

If the answer is no, then it's probably best not to send it. By following these 17 rules, you'll be sure to navigate texting with your guy like a pro!  Good luck!