21 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Finding Love and Needing a Relationship

Chasing romance like your life depends on it will only leave you breathless and brokenhearted. 

If you find yourself constantly longing for a relationship, it's time for an intervention with yourself. 

Being single can feel unbearable when your self-worth hinges on having a partner. 

But you have a deep wellspring of love within you that has nothing to do with romantic status. 

Your joy and purpose are not contingent on being coupled up. It's time to rewrite the fairytale and realize you are already whole as you are. 

You have so much love to give – start by sharing it generously with yourself. 

Why Do I Crave a Relationship So Badly?

Our society is obsessed with the idea of romantic love.

We're bombarded with images and stories telling us we need to find “the one” in order to live happily ever after.

woman writing outdoors Stop Wanting a Relationship So Badly

With so much focus on couples, it's easy to start believing you're incomplete without a partner. 

This craving often stems from deeper unmet needs.

You may be looking for someone to:

  • Provide companionship and emotional intimacy
  • Validate your attractiveness and likeability 
  • Alleviate loneliness and share life experiences
  • Provide financial stability or status  
  • Give your life more structure and meaning

The problem is, you can't make a healthy relationship out of neediness. Lasting partnerships are built on wholeness, not emptiness.

If you place all your eggs in the relationship basket, you'll likely end up disappointed. The key is to cultivate self-love and find fulfillment independently. 

A partner should complement your happiness, not complete it.

Recognize that you are enough, with or without romance.

How to Stop Wanting a Relationship So Badly: 21 Actions and Mindshifts to Release the Need

You don't have to be coupled up to live a rich, happy life. With some self-work, introspection, and new habits, you can stop anxiously chasing romance.

We’re sharing 21 practical strategies to help you let go of relationship obsession and rediscover wholeness in yourself.

Take inspired action to start releasing the need for love.

1. Identify the Root Causes

More often than not, strongly craving a romantic partner stems from unmet core needs. Take time to reflect on what emotional voids you're hoping love will fill. Do you want validation? Intimacy? Security? Pinpointing the origins of relationship obsession is key to addressing it. Once you know the roots, you can actively nourish yourself in healthier ways.

men laughing and talking Stop Wanting a Relationship So Badly

2. Challenge Societal Narratives 

We're constantly surrounded by messaging that finding “the one” is essential to living happily ever after. Take a critical look at these pervasive narratives. Recognize that you have full control over your own fulfillment and worth. You do not need another half to make you whole. Be willing to rewrite societal expectations to create a life script that suits your unique needs.

3. Foster Self-Worth

Work on seeing yourself as already worthy and lovable as you are. Make daily affirmations of self-love and appreciation. Identify positive qualities you bring to relationships as well as the world. Reflect on accomplishments and talents. Instead of seeking validation externally, develop an inner sense of value. You are enough even without a partner's love.

4. Set Relationship-Free Goals

Shift your focus toward goals that have nothing to do with romantic partnerships. What have you been putting off that lights you up? Make a bucket list of adventures, projects, and passions you can dive into solo. Set practical steps and timelines. Immerse yourself in fulfilling activities that engage your whole self.

5. Nurture Platonic Bonds  

Intimacy and companionship don't have to be limited to romance. Lean on friends and family to meet emotional needs. Make regular dates, deepen vulnerable conversations, and show platonic love. Strong social ties are key to health and can fill voids left by a lack of partnership. Discover fulfillment in all relationships.

6. Embrace Quality Solitude

Learn to embrace time alone with yourself as an opportunity for growth and restoration. Discover activities that feel rejuvenating solo, like journaling, meditation, nature walks, etc. Set boundaries around digital distraction. Give yourself space for self-connection free of loneliness. Solitude fuels creativity and self-knowledge.

7. Heal Your Inner Child

Look inward to care for emotional wounds lingering from childhood. Self-love deficiency often starts early. Nurture your inner child through visualization, letter writing, and dialogues. Provide the unconditional love and acceptance you needed. Address core pain to stop seeking validation externally.

8. Address Anxiety and Depression 

If cravings stem from mental health issues, seek professional support. Therapists can help manage anxiety about being single or depression exacerbating loneliness. You deserve help breaking free of obsessive relationship thoughts. Prioritize healing.

9. Discover Your Life's Purpose

Exploring your unique gifts and passions will reveal your deeper life purpose beyond relationships. What legacy do you want to leave behind? How can you be of service to others? When you're aligned with your soul's highest calling, you'll stop looking for meaning in a partner.

10. Set Healthy Boundaries 

If others disrespect your desire to be single or constantly meddle in your love life, set firm boundaries. Make clear you do not need saving or fixing. Prioritize supportive connections that empower your growth. Limit energy drainers.

11. Visualize Your Best Life 

Envision your dream life in vivid detail – one where you feel complete independence and joy as a single person. Make this vision board your new reality, not a fantasy. Let it guide your goals and actions. Manifest your best life now. 

12. Limit Social Media Use

Curate your digital habits mindfully. Unfollow accounts that contribute to coupling pressure and FOMO. Reduce passive scrolling time. Social media often promotes unrealistic relationship ideals. Be intentional about your influences.

13. Explore Your Sexuality

Sex and intimacy desires don't have to be met through committed monogamy. Through ethical explorations, discover how to foster sexual fulfillment independently. The desire for partnership often disguises deeper sensual cravings.

group sitting down for dinner outdoors Stop Wanting a Relationship So Badly

14. Cultivate Self-Compassion 

Relating to yourself with gentle understanding when you slip into old patterns of wanting love can be hugely powerful. Progress isn't linear, so don't chastise yourself for having normal human needs – instead, offer yourself kindness and compassion. Be your own best friend by speaking to yourself with the warmth and care you would give to a loved one.

15. Stop Future Tripping

Resist the urge to obsess over hypothetical “what ifs” about growing old or dying alone in the future. Instead, make an effort to bring yourself back to the present moment. Bask in the fullness of each new day rather than anxiously projecting worst-case scenarios. Stay grounded in what is real rather than getting carried away by fearful imaginings.

16. Make a No Dating Commitment

Give yourself a set period, whether 30 days or six months, where you commit fully to not pursuing intimate relationships at all. Removing the pressure and possibility of dating can allow you to rediscover stability and contentment in your single status. Use this time to date yourself, have fun solo or with friends, and let go of attachment to finding a partner.

17. Adopt a Growth Mindset

This period of being single is an opportunity for tremendous personal growth, not a deficiency. Cultivate an attitude of curiosity about getting to know yourself on deeper levels. Identify lessons and blessings in this season that will serve you well in future relationships. Singlehood is growth time.

18. Find Spiritual Fulfillment

Exploring practices like meditation, prayer, spending time in nature, yoga, or joining a faith community can help develop your spiritual side and feed your soul in very fulfilling ways. Connecting to something larger than yourself can fill inner voids and provide meaning better than a romantic partner.

19. Let Go of Timetables

Releasing rigid expectations about when you should be married, have kids, or hit certain relationship milestones can relieve unnecessary pressure. Comparison is the thief of joy, so trust in your own unique timeline, even if it looks different from friends, family, or what society expects. Your path is not meant to mirror anyone else's.

20. Practice Unconditional Self-Acceptance  

Actively work on fully loving yourself just as you are, without conditions or requirements to earn worthiness. Accept all aspects of yourself with compassion – your flaws, quirks, strengths, and everything in between. Remind yourself daily that you are deserving of love and belonging exactly as you are in this moment, single status and all. 

21. Be Open to Love's Arrival

Though it may seem counterintuitive, once you release the tight grip on wanting a romantic partner, you often open space for love to organically enter your life when the timing is right. Stay focused on your personal growth journey first and foremost. If the right relationship manifests down the road, you'll be coming from a place of wholeness rather than neediness. Detach from timelines, let go of attachments, and trust that what is meant for you cannot pass you by.

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Why Am I So Desperate for Someone to Love Me?

Few of us grew up with perfect nurturing and unwavering affection. We all have core emotional needs for safety, acceptance, and cherishing. When these go unmet in childhood, we often carry a sense of unworthiness and emptiness into adulthood. 

Craving a romantic partner is frequently a symptom of deeper wounds. We desperately seek someone to make up for the lack and losses from the past.

This empty ache will not be satisfied by short-term infatuation or temporary validation from others. Lasting fulfillment comes from within.

  • Searching for self-worth through another's eyes 
  • Trying to overcome nagging self-doubt
  • Longing for reassurance of lovability
  • Seeking a sense of completeness from outside
  • Trying to fix inner child's deficits 
  • Filling voids left by unavailable parents
  • Compensating for lacks in your upbringing

The desperation signifies old unresolved pain. But you have the power to provide your own healing balm through compassionate inner connection. 

Final Thoughts

Chasing romance from a place of neediness only leads to suffering. You have all the love within you already. Focus on your growth, nourish your spirit, embrace solitude, and unconditionally accept yourself. When you stop desperately grasping for completion in a partner, you will uncover profound wholeness in simply being you.