We’ve all been there before.
We’re in a relationship, and it feels like the other person is constantly pushing us away.
It can be exceedingly hurtful, whether with a partner, friend, or family member.
And it’s not always easy to tell if someone is pushing you away on purpose.
If you’re feeling this way, taking a step back and assessing the situation is essential.
Are they really pushing you away, or is there something else going on?
In this post, we’ll discuss the signs that someone is pushing you away and what you can do about it.
- Why Would Someone Push You Away?
- 17 Signs Someone Is Pushing You Away
- 1. They Are Hesitant to Make Plans
- 2. They Always Cancel Plans
- 3. They Don’t Listen Well in Conversations
- 4. Their Body Language Is Different
- 5. You Hear Something From Mutual Friends or Family Members
- 6. They Give Short Answers to Every Question
- 7. You Haven’t Heard From Them For an Unusual Amount of Time
- 8. They Disagree With Most of Your Thoughts
- 9. There Isn’t Any Warmth In Their Voice
- 10. They’re Negative and Depressed
- 11. They Stop Inviting You to Events
- 13. They’ve Unfriended You on Socials
- 14. They Don’t Give You Life Updates
- 15. They’re Lying to You
- 16. You’re Getting Blamed For Everything
- 17. They Ask For Space
- What to Do When Someone You Love Pushes You Away
Why Would Someone Push You Away?
There are a few reasons why someone might push you away, even if they don’t mean to.
These reasons can be intentional and meant to protect a personal boundary.
In other cases, the withdrawal may be a symptom of other issues that your loved one may be going through and have very little to do with you.
Some common reasons why someone might push you away are:
- They need space and don’t know how to ask for it
- They’re overwhelmed with work or family life
- They’re dealing with physical or mental health issues
- They have a history of fear of intimacy
- There may be other problematic relationships in their life
- They may be upset about something you said or did
- Getting too close in relationships may be scary for them
- They don’t feel like they can be themselves around you
- They’re going through a period of transition, healing, or growth
Knowing why someone you care about is pulling away helps you to have compassion for them and yourself.
It can also give you some insight into how to approach the situation.
So try to take the time to understand why they might be pushing you away before you take things too personally or make any decisions about the relationship.
17 Signs Someone Is Pushing You Away
When figuring out if someone is pushing you away, paying attention to both their words and actions is informative. Here are 17 signs that someone may be pushing you away:
1. They Are Hesitant to Make Plans
If they are usually the one who initiates plans but are now suddenly hesitant to do so, it may be a sign that they are trying to distance themselves. They may say things like they’re too busy or that they aren’t sure if they will be free.
2. They Always Cancel Plans
Sometimes, when someone pushes you away, they may make plans out of politeness but never follow through. This may look like them giving you vague last-minute excuses such as a text that says, “sorry, something suddenly came up.”
3. They Don’t Listen Well in Conversations
Have you noticed that this person never seems to remember anything you say?
You may tell them about something important that happened in your life, and they can’t recall it later in the conversation or on another day. This is a clear sign that they don’t feel the need to listen to you.
4. Their Body Language Is Different
Sometimes, being pushed away by someone you love is more physical than verbal. Some signs of this may be that they stop touching you the same way, have a closed-off body posture, or avoid eye contact.
It’s important to remember that everyone expresses themselves differently. So, pay attention to how this person is usually physically and emotionally versus how they are around you. If there is a significant difference, it may be
5. You Hear Something From Mutual Friends or Family Members
When you’re being pushed away in a relationship, it’s not just the person you’re dating that will act differently around you. It may also be their friends or family members.
If you start hearing things from mutual friends about how your partner is doing without you, it’s likely a sign that they are trying to distance themselves. They may be confiding in others about their relationship problems instead of coming directly to you with their problems.
6. They Give Short Answers to Every Question
Have you noticed that when conversing with this person, they give short one or two-word answers to your questions?
They may not want to engage in meaningful dialogue and would rather keep the conversation surface-level. It could be a sign that they are trying to keep you at a distance.
7. You Haven’t Heard From Them For an Unusual Amount of Time
If you usually hear from this person once a day or once a week and there is suddenly radio silence, it may be a sign that they are pushing you away.
They may be trying to give you a message with their silence, or they may have even blocked your number.
8. They Disagree With Most of Your Thoughts
If this person constantly disagrees with you or undercuts your thoughts and opinions, it may be a sign that they are trying to distance themselves. They may not want to see eye-to-eye with you on anything and would rather create conflict than have harmony.
This could burn a bridge using anger or frustration instead of a more direct method.
9. There Isn’t Any Warmth In Their Voice
If you’re getting the cold shoulder from someone you love, it may not just be their body language that’s off. Their voice may also sound different when they talk to you.
It may sound like they’re trying to keep their emotions in check and are struggling to hide their feelings. It could signify that they don’t want to show you how they’re really feeling.
10. They’re Negative and Depressed
Have you noticed that this person seems to be in a negative or depressed state more often than not? If they’re constantly complaining and bringing up problems, it may be their way of pushing you away.
They may not want to burden you with their negativity but feel like they can’t help it. It may lead to them feeling resentful towards you.
11. They Stop Inviting You to Events
Did you always go to happy hour, brunch, or hiking with a special someone, and they’re suddenly not inviting you anymore? If they’re making plans without you, it may be a sign that they are cutting off the relationship, especially if they continue with the activities.
13. They’ve Unfriended You on Socials
If you’ve been blocked from someone’s social media, it may be a sign that they are pushing you away. Being blocked is a pretty big sign since it’s not subtle – they clearly don’t want you in their digital life.
On the other hand, if they’ve just unfollowed you or stopped liking your posts, it may not be about you personally.
You’ll need to pay attention to the other signs on this list to see if they’re just trying to create some physical space or if they are truly pushing you away.
14. They Don’t Give You Life Updates
Do you feel like you’re the last to know what’s going on in this person’s life? If they used to confide in you about their day-to-day activities but have suddenly stopped, it may be a sign that they are pushing you away.
They may avoid talking to you about the details of their life, or they may just skim over all of the areas of their life. So they may be hiding something or simply less interested in sharing and connecting.
15. They’re Lying to You
Have you caught this person in a lie recently? They may have lied about their whereabouts, what they’re doing, or who they’re with. They may also start lying about their emotions, telling you they’re happy when they’re really not.
Lying is a sign of disrespect and a way to create distance in a relationship. If this person is starting to lie to you, it may be a sign that they are pushing you away.
16. You’re Getting Blamed For Everything
Have you been walking on eggshells around this person? Do they seem to be looking for a fight? If you’re getting blamed for everything, it may be a sign that they are pushing you away.
It may happen with little things such as you being late or forgetting something. Or it may happen with more significant things, such as them judging your character or accusing you of something you didn’t do.
These are specific accusations that are hard for you to defend yourself against. If this happens, it’s a sign that they are pushing you away.
17. They Ask For Space
The most straightforward way to know if a loved one is pushing you away is if they ask for space. They may tell you the reasons directly or be vaguer.
Asking for space doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. But it does mean that they need some distance from you. They may or may not clarify how long they want this space for, and this may be because they aren’t sure where they want the relationship to go.
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What to Do When Someone You Love Pushes You Away
It can be frustrating when someone you care about pushes you away. You may feel rejected, hurt, and confused.
But there are a few things you can do to work through it. Here are nine helpful things to do when someone you love pushes you away:
1. Communicate Openly About Your Feelings
The first step is to communicate with the person pushing you away. If they’re not ready or willing to talk, that’s okay. You can still express your feelings in a letter or email.
When communicating with the person, start by using I statements instead of being accusatory. Let them know how you feel before you try to talk about the situation. For example, “I feel hurt when you push me away.”
Then be honest about what you need from them. If you’re not sure, that’s okay too. You can say something like, “I’m not sure what I need from you right now, but I would appreciate your support.”
2. Ask What’s Wrong
When someone is pushing you away, it’s important to ask what’s wrong. They may not be ready or willing to talk, but asking shows that you’re interested in understanding their perspective.
You can ask in a non-confrontational way by saying something like, “I am sensing that there is a problem, but I don’t want to assume that I know what it is. Do you feel comfortable and safe enough to tell me what’s going on?”
If they don’t want to talk, that’s okay. You can still try to express your side and ask them to let you know when they’re ready to talk.
3. Ask If They Need Help
If the person is pushing you away because they’re dealing with something difficult, offer your help. You can say something like, “I’m here for you if you need to talk or if you need help with anything.”
Let them know that you care about them and want to support them through whatever they’re going through. This may not be easy for them to accept, but it’s important to offer help if you’re able.
You can also help them in smaller ways by offering to help lighten the load in their life. This could mean offering to bring a coffee or taking the dog for a walk.
Even if they don’t take you up on your offer, they’ll know that you’re there for them when they need it.
4. Be Patient and Give Them Space
If someone is pushing you away, it’s important to be patient and give them the space they need. This may be difficult, but it’s a critical part of respecting their wishes.
Sometimes, people will pull even farther away if they feel pressured to talk or be close to someone. So give them time and space to work through whatever they’re going through.
If you’re not sure how much space they need, you can ask them directly or give them a few days to themselves. If they don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay too. Just make sure you know your boundaries when it comes to taking space.
5. Try To Add More Fun and Novelty to the Relationship
Maybe things have been a bit stagnant in the relationship, and instead of solving a problem, it’s more important to add more fun and novelty. This could be anything from planning a weekend getaway to taking a dance class together.
Doing something new and exciting can help bring some life back into the relationship. It can also help you feel closer to each other and build new memories together.
6. Check In On Them
If someone is pushing you away, check in on them from time to time. Checking in shows that you care and want to ensure they’re doing okay.
You can check in with them by sending a text, giving them a call, or even stopping by their place. Don’t send a message with any expectations. Simply say Thinking of you” or “I love you.”.
If this person is shutting you out of their life because they’re dealing with something hard such as a life change or depression, this is one of the most supportive ways to communicate with them.
7. Have Fun On Your Own
If you’re suffering because someone is pushing you away, focus on having fun on your own. It doesn’t mean you should stop caring about the person or giving them space.
It simply means that you should take care of yourself and do things that make you happy. Self-care could be anything from taking a yoga class to going out with friends you haven’t seen in a while.
Some other healthy ways to take care of yourself are by eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising.
8. Don’t Take It Personally
When someone is pushing you away, it’s easy to take it personally. But it’s important to remember that this isn’t always about you. There could be a lot of factors at play that have nothing to do with you.
So, instead of beating yourself up, try to understand that this isn’t necessarily a reflection on you. It could be about the other person’s issues and struggles. People often get unconsciously self-involved during tough times, and it can be hard for them to see anything else.
9. Walk Away From the Relationship
If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, it might be time to leave the relationship. You shouldn’t give up on the person entirely, but it does mean that you may need to entertain moving on and give it a try.
You can decide when you’re ready to walk away by considering how much effort you’ve put in and how much pain you’re currently in. If you’re struggling with a toxic relationship and feel that the other person isn’t taking any responsibility to maintain things, it might be time to let go.
When someone you love is pushing you away, it can be confusing, painful, and even change your sense of self. But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone, and there are things you can do about it.
By practicing self-love and compassion, you can make sure you take the high road through this challenging time. Ultimately, you’ll be glad that you did.