21 Heart-Crushing Signs She’s Pretending To Love You

She says she loves you, but her actions say otherwise.

It’s a sentiment we hear a lot, and it raises the question: What are the biggest signs that she is pretending to love you?

That’s what we’re talking about today.

We’ll review a few reasons why a woman may say one thing but behaves in ways that leave you scratching your head.

From there, we’ll break down approaches to handle the tricky situation.

Let’s get to it.

How Can You Tell if a Girl Is Just Keeping You Around?

You like her a lot. Who knows, love may be lingering in your heart. But you’re unsure about her feelings.

couple sitting on sofa Signs She Is Pretending To Love You

Sometimes, the lady you’re dating behaves in ways that make you question if she even likes you.

Common signs your partnership dynamics are skewed include:

  • Your friends and family aren’t big fans of hers.
  • She doesn’t want to move the relationship forward in a meaningful way.
  • Every time the two of you take one step forward, it’s immediately followed by three steps back.
  • Your gut insists there’s something rotten in the state of the relationship.

21 Signs She Is Pretending To Love You

Is your girlfriend or wife only pretending to love you? Is she in the relationship because nothing better has come along yet? Are you always wondering: Why doesn’t she love me?

Let’s explore some red flags that could be clues.

1. Her Words and Actions Don’t Align

She swears she’ll be at your business dinner but fails to arrive. She promises to make time for you over the weekend, then calls on Friday evening and says something came up and she must cancel.

Sure, life occasionally throws curveballs, causing people to change plans at the last minute. But if her unreliability morphs into a pattern, it may be a clue that she’s not into you.

2. She Never Does Nice Things “Just Because”

A loving relationship involves considerable give and take. We’re not suggesting you must constantly shower your partner with grand gestures and jewels; in reality, the little things often matter more.

So if your significant other never does nice things on a whim — (cooking a meal, surprising you with your favorite take out, doing the laundry, cleaning without having to be asked, et cetera) — it can be a red flag indicating they may be faking their affections. After all, it feels good to treat our loved ones to small things.

3. She Keeps Secrets

A sneaking pit of suspicion is growing in your stomach because she always pulls back when you ask pointed questions. It’s reached a point where you’re starting to question whether she’s telling you the whole truth. Your mind is plagued with the question: Does she have massive skeletons in her closet?

However, if the relationship is less than six months old, she may not want to share her deepest secrets yet. So don’t jump the gun.

4. She Complains About Material Things

Is your lady hyper-focused on material aspects of the relationship? Is she only happy when you buy her jewels, take her to expensive restaurants, and whisk her away on exotic vacations?

If your head is shaking up and down, it could be a sign she’s in it for the money — not you.

But before you stomp off in a fit of anger, think about your tendencies. Are you also materialistic? If so, you can’t blame someone else for being the same way.

5. She Only Wants To Hang Out When it’s Convenient for Her

Every time you ask her to do something, she can’t. But she expects you to be ready and available when she does have the time.

Does that sound familiar? If so, file it away in the potential red flag file.

However, if she’s made it clear from the jump that she has other priorities — work, family, medical issues — weigh her behavior against the facts. It’s unfair to expect more from people than they can’t give, especially if they’ve already explained as much.

6. She Rhapsodizes About Other Men

Lately, whenever you get together, she can’t help but wax poetic about another man. Maybe he’s a colleague or a friend of a friend. Regardless, it’s gotten out of control, and her obsession with this person makes you wonder if there’s more going on between them.

Remember, though, that we’re living in the 21st century, and being intrigued by someone of the opposite sex doesn’t automatically indicate romantic trouble. She may just enjoy their personality on a platonic level.

7. She’s a Fountain of Excuses

Accountability is a hallmark of maturity. Grown people take responsibility for their actions.

couple sitting on sofa Signs She Is Pretending To Love You

So if your significant other is always pointing fingers at other people and circumstances when it comes to aspects of your relationship, they may be trying to hide something — and that something may be that they’re not invested in the partnership.

8. She Doesn’t Appreciate the Little Things

Mutual appreciation is a cornerstone of healthy, loving relationships. When people are committed and want things to progress, they notice and prize the little things you do for them.

So if she’s indifferent — or even hostile — toward your gestures, keep both eyes wide open for other signs. Whether she loves you or not, a relationship with someone who always expects more is bound to end in a swamp of resentment.


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9. She Cheats on You

People have different views on cheating. Some people aren’t bothered by it; it’s a deal breaker for others.

If you fall into the latter category and have made your position clear, yet she’s still stepping out to be with others, take it as a clear sign that she’s not in love with you.

10. She’s Nicer When Other People Are Around

Are you often flabbergasted by how differently she acts when other people are around? Does she transform into a fairy godmother and treat everyone well when there is company but behave like the Wicked Witch of the West when you’re alone?

Don’t overlook this change in character. It’s a blatant sign her feelings for you may not be as pure as she contends.

11. She Still Has an Active Dating Profile

In our digital age, a definitive way to know you’re in a loving and committed relationship is if you both deactivate your dating profiles.

If you discover hers is still active, it may be time to seriously converse about her investment in the relationship and her feelings for you.

12. She Never Wants To Have Sex Anymore

Sexual appetites differ. Some people enjoy a daily romp; others have zero need for physical intimacy. But if your typical pattern takes a nosedive, it could signal infidelity or loss of interest.

But don’t jump to conclusions. Reduced libidos may result from medical issues, medication, mental health obstacles, and aging. A sexual downturn isn’t always a glaring red light. If sexual dissatisfaction negatively impacts your relationship, chat about it before working yourself up.

13. You’re Never a Priority

Everyone in her life takes precedence over you — even her pet! Your goals, wishes, and time are tertiary thoughts in her world.

Again, partnerships are a dance of give and take. So if you’re never a priority, it may be time to find someone who understands the importance of compromise.

14. She Constantly Weasels Out of Important Conversations

Communication is the backbone of thriving relationships. So if she’s always weaseling out of deep, meaningful, or challenging conversations, it may be a sign that everything isn’t on the up and up.

However, forcing people to talk to you is rarely a good idea because it often leads to more problems and bitterness.

15. She’s Never Sentimental

Personalities aren’t a monolith. Some folks are nostalgic and sentimental; others are less engaged with the past — and that’s fine!

But if she never looks back fondly on times you’ve had together or gets annoyed when you try to bring them up, you’re probably dealing with someone who isn’t attached to you or the relationship.

16. She Insults You in Front of Other People

She puts you down when you’re out with other people — even business associates. Nobody is perfect, but it’s downright rude to emasculate a male partner when in mixed company.

Teasing is one thing, but bitter indignation is another. Plus, it’s a sign that she may not love you.

17. She Insults You in Private

Not only does she insult you in public, but she also claws at your back behind closed doors!

Yes, we could all probably stand to make improvements. But nobody deserves to be with someone who’s constantly yucking their gum. So if she’s continually jumping down your throat, it may be a sign she’s not in love — and you deserve more.

18. She’s Constantly Nit-Picking You

Maybe she doesn’t flat-out insult you, but she’s constantly picking at everything you do. She hates how you do laundry, chew your food, and watch television. Whatever you name, she’s got a problem with it.

couple in bed she is pretending to love you

Of course, everyone has peccadilloes that others may find irritating, but if it’s non-stop, you must stop and wonder if she wants to be with you or is just marking time until someone better comes along.

19. She Hasn’t Introduced You to Friends and Family

Everyone has their own timelines for introducing the person they’re dating to friends and family. Some people do it immediately; others may wait a year or more.

If, however, you’ve been together for a while and the only time you see her crew is on social media, it may be a sign she’s just in it for the short term and doesn't genuinely love you.

20. She Lies

Lying isn’t ideal — but we all do it. Frequently we fib to save others’ feelings or avoid a lengthy, inconsequential conversation.

But if you catch your lady in a few whoppers, watch out! Dishonesty isn’t a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. It’s also a sign she doesn’t respect you — and subsequently doesn’t love you.

21. She Tells You

Believe people when they tell you how they feel! If she’s made it clear she isn’t interested in a serious relationship, and you refuse to accept that, the onus is on you — not her.

Why Would Someone Pretend To Love You?

Most humans love to fall in love, which makes biological and spiritual sense. After all, it triggers feel-good hormones and fills the soul!

However, people aren’t above faking affection. But why?

Let’s review a handful of reasons people pretend to love partners they don’t.

  • Money: It’s an age-old tale. One person in a relationship has gold-packed vaults — and the other has dollar signs in their eyes.
  • Status or Opportunity: Sometimes, it’s not about money but status or opportunity instead. Perhaps you have a powerful position in their field, or you’re on the fast track to becoming a congressperson. Whatever the case, the person in question sees you as a professional “meal ticket.”
  • Loneliness: Fear of loneliness is another common reason people fake the funk when it comes to relationships. One partner may be obsessed with finding Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.
  • Cultural Pressure: Societal and cultural pressures that dictate when people should get married or have kids may be at play.
  • Self-Deception: Sometimes, someone may think they’re in love and lie to themselves about their true feelings.

What To Do When You Think She Is Pretending To Love You

We’ve unpacked signs and potential reasons why the woman in your life may pretend to love you. Now, let’s switch directions and break down what to do about it.

Check Your Paranoia

Before you go on a tear and start tossing around accusations, turn your radar inward. Is it possible you’re making mountains out of molehills? Are you seeing issues where none exist?

Consider your life at the moment. Are you navigating challenges that are impacting your mental health or emotional balance? Is it possible you’ve always been paranoid about people not liking you for you?

Confront Her

If you're confident you're not looking at the situation through overly suspicious lenses, confront her. Ask how she feels about you and the relationship's trajectory.

Bring it up as an open-ended conversation, and try to strip your tone of annoyance and aggression. Perhaps she's wading through a difficult time and therefore behaving oddly. Maybe her mind is stuffed to the gills with stresses and anxieties — because life is littered with ups and downs.

Conversely, if she admits she's not enamored with you and the relationship dynamics are skewed, maybe it's time to part ways and move on.

Pull Back

No rule says you must give your all to a relationship that’s not filling your proverbial cup. So if you think she may be in the relationship for all the wrong reasons, start pulling back. Make yourself less available. Be a tad less enthusiastic when you’re together.

If she doesn’t notice, you likely have a user on your hands. If she asks what’s changed, take the opportunity to voice your concerns.

Lean Into Your Life

When dating gets confusing, one way to calm the waves and find space to think is to lean into your passions, interests, and goals. Prioritize yourself for a while.

You may discover you’re happier without the person you’re questioning. Or, you may decide to give the relationship a go, which will involve confronting the pink elephant in the room.

Break Up With Her

The writing is flashing neon on the wall, and you're tired of being with a taker. The flame is extinguished; you're ready to break ties.

If the partnership is DOA, in the words of Nike: Just do it. End things. Walk away. Move on.

Don't ghost your soon-to-be ex unless the relationship was marred by physical or severe emotional abuse. Even if they were in it for the wrong reasons, closure is healthy — for both of you.

Final Thoughts

Dating is complicated, and it can be tough to figure out what end is up because love and lust trigger a bevy of outlook-distorting hormones. So if you’re stuck in a state of confusion about your current relationship, take a step back to gain perspective. Asking people you trust for their opinions can also be beneficial.

The bottom line: you deserve a partner who adores you for you — so don’t settle for anything less. Doing so will just lead to resentment and discord down the road.