You see happy couples everywhere you look.
And you can't help thinking, “When will I have that?” or “Will I ever…?”
No one is doomed to a life without love unless they choose it.
We're guessing you haven't.
The love you find will likely look different from someone else's, but that doesn't make it less.
Besides, you're not looking for what other people have.
Read on to learn how to improve your chances of finding exactly what you want.
What Are the Chances of Finding Love?
If you're asking yourself, “Will I ever meet someone I'd want to spend my life with?” — or, more simply, “Will I find love?” — we can't give you a definite answer.
But we can tell you that the when and how are largely influenced by the following:
- The kind of love you're hoping to find
- Your beliefs regarding marriage, cohabitation, and gender roles
- How you see yourself and the world you live in
Other factors come into play, as you'll see in the tips described below.
What Age Should You Find Love?
There's no specific age at which finding love becomes more or less likely.
It's tempting to think, once you pass your 20's and early 30's, that “all the best ones are taken,” but it's not true.
Some are holding out, just as you are, for someone worth waiting for.
Will I Ever Find Love? 15 Ways to Ensure You Do
The following are steps you can take to give yourself your best chance at finding a love that will last. While you're reading, think of actions you can take today or this week.
1. Know what you want.
Get clear on the kind of relationship you want and the kind of person you want to have it with. List the must-have qualities of this ideal partner and some nice-to-haves, too.
Granted, as you grow, this list might change. But knowing what you want makes it more likely you'll recognize this type of person when you meet them.
2. Don't settle for the first one who shows genuine interest.
If you're desperate to be in a relationship with someone who's attracted to you (and vice versa), you're more likely to settle for the first viable candidate without even getting to know them well.
Availability shouldn't be anyone's number one selling point. Neither should interest.
3. Keep your standards high.
You have standards for a reason. Fear of missing out won't make a placeholder partner more attractive, though it might make them more tolerable for a bit.
Eventually, you realize you were happier before you lowered your standards.
4. But keep those standards realistic, too.
None of us is perfect. So, if you're holding out for someone who is, you'll be waiting all your life.
Review your past relationships and look at the qualities that weren't ideal but that you learned to accept because they didn't make your partner less lovable. Being human shouldn't rule someone out.
5. Spend time in places your ideal partner might enjoy.
Once you know what kind of person your ideal partner is, you can make a point of spending time in places this person might enjoy — and that you enjoy, too.
You want to find someone who enjoys some of the same things you do. Make sure some of those things involve putting yourself in a position to meet other people.
6. Face your fear of looking like an idiot.
If you're not willing to risk embarrassment to tell someone how you feel, who's to guarantee you'd risk anything else? If looking like a fool is a worse fate to you than losing your chance with someone, one or both of the following are likely to be true:
- They're not worth it to you, or…
- You're not ready to be in a relationship (which will cost you more than embarrassment).
7. Be bold.
You've probably heard the saying “fortune favors the bold,” and while boldness doesn't guarantee the results you want, cowardice generally guarantees the opposite.
Bold gestures, well-timed, can make all the difference by showing your intended you're not afraid to step outside your comfort zone and take a risk for them.
8. Be respectful
While boldness can undoubtedly get you further than hiding behind a curtain, you also need to remember to treat others with respect.
It's possible to take boldness too far and end up stepping on someone's toes.
9. Look for patterns in past relationships.
Your previous relationships can help you understand why you entered into them and why they fell apart. Look for patterns in your behavior, from first attraction to the break-up.
The more aware you are of your habits, the easier it is to choose better ones consciously.
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10. Know your triggers.
Reviewing your past relationships can also help you spot the triggers behind the choices you regret.
What came before the feelings that drew you to someone? What did they do or say that made them stand out for you? What exactly led to the break-up?
11. Trust your gut.
Your intuition picks up on things your conscious mind is still just on the verge of figuring out. Trust those alarm bells when they ring loudly in your head.
On the other hand, don't be quick to judge people on their appearance. You can't gauge someone's character by their taste in clothing. If you can't see their body language, pay attention to how they use words and what they focus on.
12. Enjoy the single life while you can.
There's so much in life that's easier to enjoy and do when you don't have to worry about your partner wanting to join you or do something else (with you).
Enjoy your freedom to do what you want when you want and to spend your money as you see fit.
13. Know that you're already complete.
You don't need a romantic relationship with someone to be complete. Don't think of a partner as your “other half” because you're both already whole.
If you don't feel complete without being in a relationship, you're better of spending some time without one and getting to know yourself better.
14. Believe you're worthy of love.
Your own thoughts may be your worst enemy in this. If your mind is continually replaying negative thoughts about yourself, it's much harder to believe you're worthy of the love you want.
Replace those negative thoughts with affirmations you know to be true.
15. Treat yourself as you want to be treated.
If you're not willing to take care of yourself and honor your needs, why would you expect anyone else to?
Make time for self-care and for getting to know yourself better. Do things you enjoy and prioritize your own well-being without needing someone else's permission.
How Do You Know You Will Never Find Love?
If you're reading this and thinking, “Not everyone is meant to find love,” allow us to rephrase that. Not everyone finds love. Whether they're meant to or not depends on your philosophy — not on documented fact.
People fall in love and commit to each other at all ages. Your potential for a happy love life doesn't have an expiration date.
Maybe you're not quite accepting you'll never find love. But you suspect you'll spend most (if not all) your life single and unattached. In that case, you've all the more reason to learn how to make the most of it.
Then, if you do fall in love with someone who falls for you, you're less likely to rush into a commitment for fear of being alone.
And the emotional maturity and self-knowledge you've cultivated will benefit you both.
It's time to believe you will find love.
If you're still wondering, “When will I find love?” we have a few thoughts to share.
You will find love when you find it. It's as unhelpful and straightforward as that.
What you can do until then is to focus on becoming the kind of person you want to be — who is also the kind of person you'd want to be for the love of your life.
What can you do today to get closer to that?