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How To Start A Conversation With A Girl

So many human interactions these days are short and meaningless.

With the pervasive nature of social media and the ease of texting, having a genuine, person-to-person conversation has become a lost art.

But if you're a guy who wants to start a conversation with a girl, you're going to need to learn this art.

You want to start a memorable and interesting dialogue, so you need to know how to initiate a conversation even when you are texting or using social media (which is inevitable these days).

It doesn't matter if you're shy or uncomfortable — you don't have let your discomfort stand in the way of making a connection with someone new who interests you.

Fortunately, you can learn and practice the skills of conversation so you don't feel awkward or unsure of yourself when you start talking to a girl.

Let's explore the reasons why it is important to know how to start a conversation with a girl.

Why You Need to Know How To Start A Conversation With A Girl

Starting a conversation with a girl is the only way to break the ice and open up the possibility to having any type of relationship with her — whether it's simply a friendship, or it ends up being something more.

It is important to have the conversation skills to communicate your personality and reflect confidence (even if you don't feel confident).

couple dressed in black face to face to Start a Conversation with a Girl

Many competent, interesting, and attractive men have missed opportunities to meet amazing women because they lacked the conversation skills needed to hook a girl's interest. You don't need to be one these guys!

Starting a conversation alone will not guarantee you a relationship, but saying nothing or throwing out the standard lines won't increase your likelihood of becoming involved with a girl, especially if she has encountered better male conversationalists.

If you are gracious with your words, girls are more willing to trust you and view you as someone who is grounded and fun to be around. Knowing good ways to start a conversation will ease the gaps that often arise between people who initially have little in common.

Related: 79 Of The Best Conversation Starters For All Situations

Let's go over some tips for starting that significant first conversation. If you do it just right, you’ll have her hooked on your winning personality. You'll find that starting a conversation with a girl only gets easier as you practice.

How to Start a Conversation with a Girl: 15 Good Ways To Make Conversation

How to Start a Face-to-Face Conversation with a Girl

1. Assume the best.

If you want to make conversation with a girl you encounter, don't immediately assume or worry that she's not into you or doesn't want to talk to you.

Don't focus on the possible negative outcomes or try to read the tea leaves about whether or not she'll be interested in you.

Approach the situation assuming that it will go well and that even if you don't get her number, you've had an interesting encounter with a new person.

Assuming that things will work out well during the encounter helps you exude confidence and authenticity.

2. Embrace your fear.

Yep, most guys feel a bit insecure initiating a conversation with a girl. Girls feel the same about reaching out to a guy. Fearing rejection is natural, but you can't let it stop you from trying.

Acknowledge that fear is normal, but use the energy fear creates to compel you to walk up to that beautiful woman and say hello. Women appreciate a confident guy who will take action in spite of fear.

3. Be prepared with easy conversation starters.

Planning and preparation are key to success in anything you do — including initiating a conversation with a girl. Think ahead about some conversation starters you can use to break the ice.

If it helps, write them down and put them in your wallet to remind yourself before you go out. You can . . .

  • Say something about the surroundings or situation. (“What's up with that strobe light? Are we in the 1980s?”)
  • Say something nice about her. (“Your eyes are beautiful, and I had to meet the woman behind them.”)
  • Say something simple and direct. (“Hey, how's it going. I'm Jack.)
  • Say something memorable. (“I have 15 minutes before the FBI locates me, and I have to spend them talking to you.)

4. Hang in there through the awkwardness.

When you meet someone new, the conversation may stall because you're nervous and your mind goes blank. But don't wait on her to come to your rescue.

You initiated the conversation, so you need to bridge this gap without slinking away because you're having an awkward, uncomfortable moment.

Most of these moments pass in a few seconds, even though it feels like an eternity when it's happening. One strategy is to simply acknowledge it and make it humorous. “Hang on for a sec. We're going through that awkward moment, but it will pass in five seconds.”

Or say something charming, like, “You've taken my breath away, so give me a second to regain full consciousness during this conversation pause.”

5. Ask great questions.

Once you've introduced yourself and gotten through the initial awkwardness, have some good questions in mind to invite more conversation.

Try not to start with the predictable questions (“So, what brings you here tonight?” or “What kind of work do you do?”). Use something you notice about her or the surroundings to kickstart a conversation.

Ask questions that help you learn more about who she is, like . . .

  • You seem like a really positive person. What makes you the happiest?
  • This music is great — what's you're favorite type of music?
  • You are really funny. Where did you get your sense of humor?
  • Do you see that bartender over there? Tell me five things you can guess about his life.
  • So speaking from a woman's perspective, what's it like having strange guys come over to talk to you?

6. Don't try to impress.

Don't try too hard to impress her by talking too much about yourself, your achievements, your amazing career, your car or anything that smells like subtle bragging.

couple eating ice cream together to Start a Conversation with a Girl

Of course, you can talk about interesting things you've read, music you like, or common interests you've discovered in conversation. You can give thorough answers to her questions (“What do you do for a living?”) without showing off.

Nor do you want to appear too humble or self-deprecating. (“You don't want to hear about my job — it's really boring.” “I only went to the local community college.”)

The important thing is to show genuine interest in her and getting to know her (without it feeling like an interview) while maintaining a certain level of swag.  Subtle self-confidence and authenticity are definitely attractive qualities.

How to Start a Conversation with a Girl Online or on Facebook

7. Don't be predictable.

How many times do you think she has gotten a message that looks something like this:

Hey, How are you? You're really pretty, and I just thought I would say hi.

If she gets this message one more time, it will just end up in a delete pile with all the other unremarkable icebreakers she's received. She may even assume you copied and pasted the same message you've sent to other girls.

If you don’t personalize your message or make it unique, she won't feel compelled to respond. So what can you say that will catch her eye?

Giving a girl an honest and creative compliment is a key way to getting noticed. Remember, she has probably had a lot of guys online tell her that she's beautiful, so it is time for something new.

Look at her profile and craft a compliment that is specific to her — one that you can’t copy and paste for the next girl you message.

If you read that she has traveled to a certain country, studied a specific subject, or loves to play tennis, start your conversation based on that. The conversation is likely to last much longer if you show you are interested in her rather than just than her appearance.

8. Give her a reason to respond.

Ask a question rather than simply offering a dead end statement.

For example, ask about her favorite meal she had in the country where she traveled or if she took any interesting day trips.

All people enjoy talking about themselves and their experiences, so if you can hone in on something specific in her life that means something to her (since she included it in her profile), then you will already have piqued her interest.

If you share one or more of her interests, all the better. Then you have even more to talk about.

9. Avoid asking a yes or no question.

You want to ask a question in order to elicit a response, but you don't want to get only a “Yes” or “No” response that doesn't open the door for any more conversation.

You also should ask follow-up questions in order to keep the conversation flowing. This way you can get more information from every answer in order to generate further conversation.

For example, don't ask if she had good weather in Spain. Ask her to tell you about the most beautiful day she experienced or what she would do indoors during the days where it was raining.

You want to spark her interest in order to get her talking so you have more to communicate about.

Related: 55 Of The Best First Date Questions To Ignite Great Conversation

10. Say something absurd or random.

Come out of nowhere saying something like, “Kate! What have you been up to?!” Something about this random and crazy comment from a complete stranger is weirdly interesting and compelling.

It shows you aren't taking yourself too seriously and are willing to be a bit playful. This may seem like a risky approach to take, but it breaks the ice quickly and allows both of you to feel comfortable.

It also reflects the absurdity of forming relationships over the internet without actually complaining about forming relationships online, which is in fact exactly what you're trying to do.

How to Start a Conversation with a Girl Over Text

11. Keep it short.

Maybe you got her number through a mutual friend, or you snagged it last night at the bar, but she may not remember exactly who you are.

You want to send a message that is short and sweet but that also makes an impression.

Realize that she has the power here to either keep the conversation going or to cut it off immediately, so you don't want to be too aggressive or cocky. Mention something memorable about meeting her and ask how her day is going.

Keep it to a couple of lines at the most, and try to keep your messages about the same length or shorter than hers.

If she’s replying with one or two-word answers, it may be a sign she isn't interested so pull back to allow her to engage more in the conversation if she chooses.

12. Don't use emoticons.

If you end up adding a few emoticons into your conversation later on, fine. But, don't start off a conversation with a group of little pictures in place of actual words. This makes you look more like a pre-teen girl who is talking to her friends than a grown man.

Keep the emoticon use at a bare minimum so she won't think you're childish. While you're at it, limit the use of “text talk” like “LOL” or “OMG.” Write out your words as an adult human should.

13. Be yourself.

Whether you're essentially a stranger to this person or you just haven't spoken to her in a long time, it's important to be authentic.

If you end up having a relationship with her, your true personality will come out eventually, and you don't want to backtrack because you pretended to be someone you're not.

If you try to be someone that society tells you to be, you'll end up being like every other guy she talks to. But if you have the courage to stay true to yourself, she will see you as a confident person who is comfortable in his own skin.

Stand by your own personality, beliefs, and values and don't try to be someone you're not. If you can do this, the right people will love you — maybe even this amazing woman.

Try adding in a little bit of humor, but only if you can pull it off. If you aren't a naturally funny person, don’t try to force it because it's likely to flop.

Related: Do You Lack Social Skills? 20 Basics You Need To Master

Focus on your strengths as a person and as a friend or potential romantic interest. Doing this will make you shine, and it will allow you to stand out from others.

14. Be cool.

If she responds, don't respond two seconds later. If she’s not responding immediately, don't keep texting her over and over.

This will only look like a huge red flag to her because you'll appear clingy and desperate — which are two things girls find unattractive. If you don't get a timely reply, you can text her again in a few hours or wait until the next day.

If you do get a reply, at least make it look like you're busy and not waiting by the phone to see her reply. Keep her waiting just a little bit for your replies.

Also, don't assume your texting conversation is an open invitation to get on her social media and start liking every picture she has ever posted. If you're talking back and forth through texts, you don't need to have a heavy amount of interaction on social media.

Texting is more personal, so keep it to that and let her interact with guys on social media who don't have the advantage of speaking to her one-on-one.

How To Start A Conversation With A Girl. Click To Tweet

15. Don't try too hard.

Honestly, the concept of trying too hard is difficult to explain, but you know it when you see it. It is also one of the most challenging things to stop.

Trying too hard is basically working much harder than necessary for small gains. Some things that you might be doing that make it look like you're trying too hard include:

  • Making comments to show you relate to something when you can't
  • Interjecting jokes when it is inappropriate
  • Being overly expressive
  • Jumping in too quickly to get a word in

If you overthink this too much or try too hard, she will know. Make peace with whatever comes naturally to you and start there. This way, she will get to know the real you from the beginning.

Remember, less is more.

Did you find these tips useful? Pass them on.

Starting a conversation with a girl isn't always easy, but after you do it a few times, you'll get the hang of it so it comes more naturally.

Just remember to be your charming self and relax as much as you can. The more relaxed you appear to her, the more relaxed she will feel while she is talking to you.

You're not alone in feeling anxious about these first conversations with someone new. You are among thousands of men around the world who want to buff up their skills at starting a conversation with a girl.

Help out your fellow idea-seekers by sharing this post on your preferred social media platform.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 1 comments
  • Alev KILIC

    A lot of good advice here. A great post with – so clear and easy to follow.

    In my opinion, even though it is not a hard process to start a conversation with girls, men usually overthink the situation by trying to be cool. They are not acting like themselves and being easy to predict. Most of the time, they are using cliche words. I believe it is okay to say something absurd and laugh together.

    So, as long as you can be natural, it will always be easy to start a conversation.

    Reply
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