Is Your Wife Pulling Away in the Bedroom? 19 Signs She’s No Longer Sexually Attracted to You

Has your normally passionate wife started recoiling when you initiate sex? 

Does she seem distant and disinterested in being intimate with you? 

If this describes your situation, you're likely worried your wife's sexual attraction to you is waning. 

While concerning, this common issue doesn't have to spell disaster for your marriage if addressed proactively with care and communication. 

With some effort, you can reconnect and rekindle the flame between you.

19 Signs Your Wife Is Not Sexually Attracted to You

When a wife's sexual interest in her husband fades, it rarely happens overnight. 

More often, it's a gradual process with subtle clues along the way.

couple talking looking sad Signs Your Wife Is Not Sexually Attracted to You

Here are 19 common signs that your wife's sexual attraction toward you may be declining or gone altogether.

1. She Avoids Affection

Your wife pulls away or stiffens up when you try to kiss or hug her. Simple, affectionate gestures like hand-holding or cuddling on the couch are rebuffed. She claims she's “just not in the mood.”

2. She Makes Excuses to Avoid Sex 

Your advances are frequently rejected with excuses like headaches, being too tired, or having to get up early. While valid occasionally, these explanations become constant brush-offs.

3. She Shows a Lack of Initiation

Your wife never initiates sex anymore. You're always the one to start it while she plays a passive role or turns you down. Her sex drive seems non-existent.

4. She Doesn’t Flirt or Offer Compliments

Flirty behavior like winks, compliments, or texts indicating she's thinking about you in a sexual way have disappeared. She treats you more like a buddy than a lover.

5. She Has Intimacy Issues

Kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, and all forms of physical intimacy happen infrequently. Your wife doesn't seek physical closeness with you unless it leads to sex.

6. She Lacks Engagement During Sex

Your wife seems distracted, bored, or completely disengaged during lovemaking. She may refuse to have an orgasm, hurry you along, or anxiously check the time.

7. She’s Emotionally Distant

Your relationship lacks the same depth and closeness it used to have. Your wife doesn't confide in you, ask about your day, or speak with the same affection.

woman sitting on end of bed man on other end of bed Signs Your Wife Is Not Sexually Attracted to You

8. She’s Irritable and Impatient 

Minor annoyances, habits, or benign behaviors prompt irritation or impatience in your wife frequently. She gets upset over small issues more often.

9. She Compares You with Past Relationships or Partners

Your wife nostalgically reminisces about great sex she had with exes or claims you don't measure up to past partners. This is hurtful and hints she's unsatisfied.

10. She Has No Interest in Addressing Her Low Libido

You've tried discussing your sex life, and she insists nothing's wrong or rejects the conversation. She's entirely unmotivated to address or improve the situation.

11. She Has Secretive Phone Calls or Computer Use

Your wife frequently hides her phone screen, deletes browser history, or acts jumpy when you're around her devices. Suspicious usage hints at disinterest. 

mother tired holding new born child Signs Your Wife Is Not Sexually Attracted to You

12. She Accuses You of Cheating or Being Controlling

When you attempt to discuss your sex life or show affection, your wife irrationally accuses you of infidelity, spying, or being controlling. She's hypersensitive.

13. She Has Sudden Changes in Her Appearance  

Your wife stops wearing lingerie, foregoing basic hygiene or puts little effort into looking nice for you anymore. Drastic changes in appearance reflect her disinterest. However, improvements in her appearance could suggest she’s seeing someone else.

14. She Has No Interest in Counseling

You suggest marriage counseling, and your wife adamantly refuses. She has no desire to work through intimacy issues with a professional, which indicates indifference.

15. She’s Constantly Fighting Over Small Issues

You constantly bicker over petty disagreements. Your wife picks fights over minuscule issues and never seems satisfied. Resentment has set in.  

16. She Belittles You or Puts You Down

During fights, your wife resorts to name-calling, criticism, or mocking you in cruel ways. Contempt and lack of respect kill sexual desire.

17. She Withholds Physical Affection as Punishment 

Your wife manipulates you by refusing affection or sex during or after arguments. Withholding physical intimacy is toxic and damaging. It can kill your libido as well as hers.

18. She Confides in Other Men

Your wife seeks emotional intimacy with other men through work, social media, or friendships. Confiding in males suggests she's filling an unmet need. She may fantasize about intimacy with another man, diminishing her desire for you.

19. Infidelity

The ultimate sign your wife has lost sexual attraction is if she cheats on you either emotionally or physically. Straying indicates your marriage is in dire straits.

Why Is My Wife Not Interested in Me Sexually?

It's common for married couples to experience ebbs and flows in their sex lives over time. However, if your wife never seems interested in intimacy anymore, it can be incredibly troubling and damaging to a marriage. There are various reasons why your wife may have lost her sexual attraction to you:

  • She feels overwhelmed or stressed by other responsibilities like work, parenting, or managing the household
  • You've stopped romancing her or making her feel desired
  • Underlying anger, resentment, or unresolved conflicts have killed her libido
  • She is struggling with body image issues or low self-esteem after childbirth or weight changes
  • Hormonal imbalances or medications are impacting her sex drive
  • She is bored with your repetitive sexual routine
  • She harbors unspoken turn-offs about your hygiene, lifestyle habits, or behaviors
  • An affair or emotional disconnection has caused her to check out of the marriage
  • She has mental health issues like depression or anxiety affecting her libido

The reasons are variable, but the outcome is the same – mismatched libidos that require proactive communication and intervention to get back on track.

What Should I Do If I See the Signs My Wife Is Not Sexually Attracted to Me?

If you've noticed your intimate and emotional connection fading, don't ignore it and hope things will improve on their own. Here are some proactive steps you can take:

Initiate a Conversation

Sit down with your wife during a calm moment and lovingly express your concerns and observations without accusations. Ask questions, listen, and dig deeper into her perspective. 

Seek Counseling 

A trained therapist can help you unpack the issues, rebuild intimacy, and get your marriage back on track. Having a neutral third party facilitates discussion of difficult topics.

Reignite Romance  

Plan regular date nights, give thoughtful gifts, recreate meaningful moments from when you were dating, and make your wife feel cherished. Flirt, compliment her, and reestablish non-sexual affection.

Evaluate Your Role

Reflect on ways you may have contributed to her disinterest based on your words, actions, hygiene, or behavior. Strive to be the best husband you can be. Ask her directly if there is something you’re doing to make her less interested in sex.

Have Patience

Your wife's libido won't rebound overnight. Reconnecting emotionally and physically after a dry spell requires patience, persistence, and effective communication.

Prioritize Intimacy  

Carve out private time to be alone without distractions from kids or work. Shut off your devices, focus on each other, and make intimacy a priority. Get a babysitter and hire a housekeeper on occasion if she feels overwhelmed with her responsibilities.

Seek Medical Insight

If no underlying issues are present, visit a doctor in case hormones, depression, or other medical problems are causing low sexual desire.

While it will take effort to get back on track, it's possible to restore a passionate connection when both spouses are willing to work together. Don't lose hope!


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My Wife Loves Me but Is Not Sexually Attracted to Me

It’s a confusing dynamic when your wife genuinely loves and cares for you but has lost her sexual desire. Though she may still hug, snuggle, or say “I love you,” her interest in sex has vanished. 

She may have great affection for you as the father of her children and partner in life’s journey but no longer sees you in a passionate romantic light. For many men, feeling loved platonically rather than lusted after is demoralizing and damaging to their self-esteem. 

It leaves them wondering if their wife has buried her innate sexuality or if they are somehow undeserving of her intimate cravings. This disconnect is a dilemma that requires deep exploration of both spouses' feelings to resolve. Couples therapy is the best place to start.

How Do I Know If My Wife Is Attracted to Another Man?

Noticing your wife's waning interest can leave you wondering if someone else has caught her eye. While not always the case, here are some signs your spouse may be attracted to another man:

  • She is frequently texting, calling, emailing, or meeting one particular man for non-work reasons
  • She suddenly takes more interest in her appearance when this man is around
  • Her mood significantly improves after spending time around this individual
  • She laughs, smiles, and acts more flirtatiously with him
  • She becomes defensive or secretive when you ask about this man
  • She starts mimicking his style, interests, or musical tastes
  • Her intimacy improves temporarily after being with him
  • She meticulously monitors her phone and keeps it out of your view

While none of these signs guarantee attraction or infidelity, they warrant a calm and honest conversation. Tread delicately and avoid aggressive accusations. For some, crossing emotional boundaries precedes or replaces physical straying. Regardless of whether she has acted on it, attraction to others damages marital bonds. Counseling can reveal the truth and preserve your connection if she is willing to re-devote herself fully.

Final Thoughts

If your wife seems to have lost her loving feelings and sexual desire for you, it hurts deeply but don't despair. With a commitment to open communication, professional help if needed, and intentional efforts to reconnect, you can revive the passion in your marriage. Don't give up hope, but be proactive now before the distance widens.