You might not realize it, but some of your habits could be pushing people away. It’s easy to fall into certain patterns without knowing the impact they have on others. If you want to keep strong connections, here are nine things you should avoid to prevent driving people away.
1. Guilt Tripping
The guilt tripper uses not-so-subtle strategies to let others know they aren't happy about something. When things don't go their way, the guilt-tripper will say or do things to try to make others feel bad about their choices or actions.
Rather than speaking plainly about a desire or disappointment, or just letting it go, the guilt tripper wants others to suffer right along with him/her.
2. Acting Holier Than Thou
“Holier than thou” behavior manifests as the need to be right all the time, the need to have the last word, and the need to feel more important or intelligent than others.
This person feels they know best and must let others in on their superiority. The behavior is frequently a cover for insecurity.
3. Having Temper Tantrums
Pouting, withdrawal, belligerence, and passive-aggressive behavior are all examples of an adult temper tantrum. We all get angry and that don't hurt, but there are healthy, adult ways of expressing anger undermine relationships.
When our kids are little and have temper tantrums, we tell them to “use your words.” We all need to use our words rather than reverting to childish behaviors to express our feelings.
4. Using Manipulation
Many of the behaviors listed involve manipulation, but a manipulator pro will take it to new levels. They will use intelligence, wit, charm, or other skills to get people conform to their will.
It may take months or years for those close to the manipulator to realize what's happening. Sometimes the manipulator doesn't consciously realize what they are doing is wrong or underhanded. They simply see the behavior as a normal means to an end.
5. Gossiping
This behavior is one that can easily become habitual. Having information about someone, especially salacious or negative information, feels powerful. We know something that inquiring minds want to know.
But gossip creates so much hurt and erodes trust. It takes practice and commitment to throw water on the fire of gossip.
6. Acting Jealous
Jealousy can manifest in many of the behaviors listed, especially guilt tripping. It usually stems from feeling wounded, inferior, or insecure.
Jealous behavior makes others feel uncomfortable and unnecessarily guilty or wrong. We all feel it from time to time, and it's a call to examine and appreciate our own lives.
7. Showing Poor Listening Skills
The age of distraction has led to an erosion of good listening skills. We type on the computer and talk to our children without looking at them. We answer cell phones during an important conversation or meal.
We text while socializing with real, live people. We look past the person we are speaking with to see if someone more important is nearby. We are disengaged from really hearing what others have to say to us.
8. Having Bad Manners
Have good manners gone with the wind? These simple skills that most of us were taught as children are powerful relating tools.
Saying please and thank you, not interrupting, assisting someone, making conversation, showing appreciation, having table manners, being on time — all of these reflect consideration for others and respect for one's self.
9. Having Poor Conversation Skills
Have you ever been around someone who is constantly interrupting or talking over others? It seems this person believes what they have to say is more interesting or important than anyone else's contribution.
Or there are those who disengage from conversation entirely, believing they are above it all or can't spend the energy to be social. Poor conversation skills scream to others that you don't care about them or what they have to say.
10. Lacking Personal Boundaries
Ever had someone invade your personal space or pry into your personal life without warning? It feels like they have no sense of what’s appropriate or respectful. Whether it’s oversharing intimate details or physically getting too close, people who lack boundaries often leave others feeling uneasy.
This behavior can make others feel as though their comfort and personal space are not valued, creating an impression of disregard for social norms and personal privacy.
11. Being Chronically Late
We all know that one person who’s never on time, regardless of how important the occasion is. It can leave you feeling frustrated and unappreciated, like your time doesn’t matter to them.
Chronic lateness sends a message that their schedule and priorities take precedence over yours. Over time, this behavior can erode trust and respect, as it shows a lack of consideration for others and can disrupt relationships or professional connections.