When was the last time you caught yourself using words that hurt someone else?
Were you aware at the time of why you used them?
Or were you just saying something you thought was funny?
For that matter, why do we ever use hurtful words to describe someone?
Maybe we take some pleasure in finding a particularly apt insult for someone who has wronged us.
And we enjoy feeling superior, even a little bit, to someone who has made us feel smaller, less important, or less intelligent.
So, we say something to “put them in their place.”
- Because it makes us feel more powerful
- Because it addresses an injustice
- Because we see the other person as a bully or a monster
- Because we’re hurting, and we want the other person to hurt, too
But instead of making us feel better, those offensive words and expressions, whenever they come to mind, only serve to keep us angry or on the defensive, prolonging the pain and keeping us stuck in the past.
Sometimes, though, we use offensive words without even realizing it.
You can probably think of a list of hurtful words and phrases that have become the go-to expressions of people you’ve met.
And you want to tell them, “It is not okay to say that!”
But then you wonder what you might be saying — without intending to harm anyone — that others find offensive or controversial.
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