You identify as “one of those people who prefer to be alone.”
But just when you feel yourself breaking free of societal expectations, you feel them dragging you back in.
The thing is, the better you know yourself, the more you’re willing to fight for what you need.
You love being alone.
There’s no use pretending otherwise.
So, why are you like this?
What makes solitude so attractive to you?
And should you be worried?
Not a bit.
And we’ve found 11 reasons that shed some light on your love of solitude.
Is a Loner Personality Normal?
Is it normal to be happier alone? While extraverted personalities outnumber introverted ones, there’s nothing inherently abnormal about being a “loner.”
It’s only sad if you make it sad — or if you’d rather not be a loner (in which case you’re probably not). But there’s nothing wrong with the ability to enjoy your own company. And if you happen to prefer it, it doesn’t make you a freak.
In fact, spending time alone gives you more of the following:
- Creative space — to discover your gifts and exercise them
- Time for introspection — to develop self-awareness and self-knowledge
- Time for self-care — to nurture your whole self
- Time to spend on your interests — reading, exploring, trying new things
- Time to reflect on relationships — what each one brings to your life or takes from it
Some solitude is part of every life well-lived. Some of us just prefer more of it than others.
Why Do I Like Being Alone? 11 Common Reasons
You have your own reasons for wanting to be alone as much as you do. And yours don’t have to match those of every other loner out there. All loners are not alike.
That said, some of these reasons should sound familiar.
1. You’re an asocial introvert.
You need that alone time to recharge. And you find you’re actually happiest during these times. You don’t have to be so careful about how your words, actions, appearance, attitude, etc., affect other people and their moods.
You can just be whatever you need to be in the moment. You’re not saying you’ll never socialize, but your happiest happy place is not one you share with others.
2. You’re low on energy.
Socializing takes energy. And even someone who’s usually extraverted can get drained if they’re suffering from a chronic illness, fighting an infection, or just feeling run down.
Add introversion, and socializing takes an even heavier toll on your energy.
And when energy reserves are low, the last thing you want to do is something you know will use up the lion’s share of the day’s energy — not when you have better uses for it.
3. You want to do your own thing.
When you’re alone, you’re the only one who gets a vote on how to spend your time. You can pursue your own interests, eat what you like, and watch whatever shows or movies you like best.
Sure, sometimes, it’s fun to have company, but you value your alone time too much to give it up just because one of your friends wants to hang out with you.
The more comfortable you get with saying, “No,” the more time you can reclaim for doing what you want to do.
4. You’re at your best when you’re alone.
You do your best work, and you think more clearly. If only people knew you when you were your alone self. They’d be so impressed.
As it is, they’re usually not. Because being around people makes it harder to think.
Remove social pressures, and you’re more productive, more creative, and more fun. You’re also happier. Why did they not teach you this in schools?
5. You like the peace and quiet.
It hits you, sometimes, when you’re surrounded by people — even people you like. They’re noisy. Sure, sometimes, you join in and enjoy a conversation.
Other times, you find yourself pining for silence and solitude — or at least silence. No one has to go away. If only you could just switch off their voice sirens for 30 minutes or so.
Or you could just politely excuse yourself and leave. If you don’t have a spouse or partner who’s comatose on the floor somewhere, this is an option. Use it.
6. You prefer a good book to good company.
It’s not weird. I mean, sometimes, you’re game for hanging out with a good friend. But you also love your alone time with your books — along with your music, your routines, etc.
Browsing a bookshop alone and spending time quietly reading it are two of your favorite things. You’d rather spend that time thinking about things and learning than spend it chatting and being good company for someone.
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7. You’re burned out on socializing.
You can’t do social right now. You’re past that point where you know you need a break to recharge your social battery. You’ve ignored that warning one too many times to be there for someone else, and now your wiring is officially cooked.
You need some serious time alone to recover from your social burnout before it gets worse and your life spirals into chaos and bloodshed. The danger is real.
8. You got no room for other people’s drama.
It’s boring. And it’s stressful. You’ve got enough stress in your life and better uses for your time and attention. So, no thanks. Hard pass on social hour (especially when it comes to people who treat you like an emotional sponge).
Other people’s drama is not your business, and you’d just as soon remain blissfully ignorant of it. You’ve got a date with your lone self and a good book.
9. You feel weighed down by other people’s emotional baggage.
At least one person in your life sees you as their emotional baggage claim. You’re there, so they unload their emotional burdens and expect either an empathetic and helpful response or passive silence.
You want to be there for them, but the daily emotional dumping has been wearing on you. And you’re ready to spend some time dealing with your own emotions.
10. You consider small talk a waste of time.
You don’t see a point to meaningless social exchanges where empty expressions are thrown back and forth with no real connection or genuine interest behind them.
Better to avoid the depressing vacuity of it all and enjoy some time alone. If you must exchange small talk, you can save it for situations when you can’t avoid it (at work, etc.).
And if fellow transit passengers (or the driver) consider you antisocial for wearing headphones rather than engaging in conversation… you’re fine with that.
11. You’re emotionally independent.
You know what works for you, and you’ve learned not to force yourself into a social mold you’re never going to fit. You’re content to be alone.
You don’t need validation from others. And you don’t need to have people around to feel loved, wanted, respected, or admired.
You no longer yield to social pressure from friends, relatives, and coworkers telling you, “It’s not normal to like being alone so much.”
You’ve reached the enviable “healthy loner” stage. And you’re not going back.
If you like being alone, celebrate yourself.
It’s normal for loners sometimes to ask, “What does it mean if I like being alone?” Because the world keeps telling you it’s not normal.
So, there must be something wrong with you.
There isn’t. If you can admit you like being alone, it’s massively different from saying you’re often alone but don’t want to be.
Now that you’ve looked through 11 reasons, you might be telling yourself, “I like being alone,” and you feel validated in your feelings.
You’re good with your lone self just as you are. Celebrate that.