Are You Lovable? Ten Ways to Be More Appealing

We all want love.

We are hard-wired to want it.

From the moment we leave the womb and enter the world, we are kicking and screaming for love and care.

Babies demand love, and mothers are programmed to provide it unconditionally. (Thank God, right? Those crying, pooping, eating machines don't always foster warm, fuzzy feelings at three in the morning!)

In most healthy families, love is offered to children unconditionally by their parents.

And if we're fortunate, our parents continue to offer this love even as we become adults ourselves — whether or not we deserve it! Parental love is one thing, but what makes us deserving of love from other people? What qualities make us lovable?

Do you want to be more lovable? Here are 10 ways to make it happen:

1. Be Light

There are two meanings for this. Be light as in don't be heavy, and be light as in don't be dark.

People who are light draw others to them. It is effortless to be around someone with a lightness of demeanor and an easygoing manner.

people with same shirt that has volunteer written on it lovable

A person with a light heart reflects happiness and brightness to others, and it is uplifting to be near them. Be someone who offers light, positive energy to the world, and the world will be drawn to you.

2. Love Yourself

If you don't love yourself already, then make that a daily objective.

Write down all possible reasons that you should love and respect yourself. Focus on your positive qualities and successes.

Don't allow your mind to lock on to negative thinking. If you don't love yourself, your lack of self-esteem will be apparent to others.

It is very hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves. It is even harder to receive love openly and completely if you don't believe you are worthy of it.

Related: How To Be A Nicer Person In 10 Steps

3. Set Boundaries

I know this sounds pretty negative if you are trying to attract love, but it goes hand in hand with liking yourself.

Setting boundaries is about having respect for yourself and gently letting people know who you are and how you want to live.

If you allow yourself to be taken advantage of and walked on, it is hard for others to respect you and to offer you real, healthy love. You won't lose love by setting boundaries. You will become more lovable.

4. Show Kindness to Everyone

Just be kind to people.

Buddhists have a meditation called “loving kindness” to develop selfless and altruistic love.

young girl laughing lovable

Show loving kindness to all people, regardless of their station in life or behavior toward you. In this hurried, self-centered world, show kindness to everyone you encounter, the check-out lady at the grocery store, the fussy child on the airplane, the guy who flips you off on the highway.

Develop a habit of kindness and make it part of who you are. A kind person is hard not to love!

5. Laugh at Yourself

Don't take yourself too seriously.

Have enough self-confidence to laugh at your own foibles. Embrace a healthy self-deprecating humor.

If you let the defenses down and allow yourself to be vulnerable and real, then you become more approachable and oddly enough, more respected.

6. Show Affection

The power of loving touch is astounding.

When you offer someone a hand, a hug, a friendly squeeze, you are jumping into their space and pulling them into yours. You are inviting a connection.

There are some who aren't so comfortable with lots of affection, but even so, a small amount of touch communicates volumes about who you are and your willingness to reach out.

Related: 5 Random Acts of Kindness

7. Be Real

Sometimes in our efforts to be lovable, we lose ourselves.

We put on an act to appear smarter, funnier, richer, more powerful or simply to become the person we wish we were. That's all fine if you want people to love the imitation you.

But eventually the act is not sustainable and you're found out.

Don't waste your time pretending. Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and others about who you are so the real you can receive the love you deserve.

8. Have Integrity

Honesty. Loyalty. Reliability. Strength of character. You might win love without these, but you won't be lovable for the long term.

Define what integrity means to you, and live that every day.

soldier kissing his dog's head lovable

9. Be Surprising

Step out of your comfort zone. Do something unexpected.

Go out of your way for someone. Say the nice thing that you are thinking. Say “Yes!” instead of “No.”

Gain a reputation for being interesting and surprising — in your own special way.

Related: Unconditional Love: The Key To Lasting Relationships

10. Love Unconditionally

Offer love to others expecting nothing in return.

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Offer love because you want to give it without fear, conditions, or strings attached.

Give love for the sheer joy of giving, and you will discover that your own lovability factor increases exponentially!

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 14 comments

The tips are beautiful and well written. Thank you!


Thank you for this beautifully written and inspiring piece. I think it’s full of wisdom and will speak to the awkward stumblers on the pathway to self-love like myself. When I love myself I am lovable. When I find my foot in my mouth the hardest thing to do is to forgive myself for not loving myself, but it’s key to moving forward, because it’s only when I’m not loving me that I fail to love others.


This is great! 🙂 Thanks.


Unfortunately I think the tip about showing affection is misguided. Loving touch is great, but you have to get to the point where the other person is comfortable with your touch first. Otherwise you end up just coming across as inappropriate and creepy.

Just stick with a handshake until you develop a close friendship where more than a handshake is appropriate.


Great advise, I agree with them and want to be lovable myself.


This is great. I looked at this because I feel everyone hates me. The only time people like me is when I drink and I’m daft n silly. I guess it’s because I’m relaxed, “light” and affectionate n playful. I wish I could be like this day to day, but I’m as I’ve been called “hard faced”… Pity I can’t remain in a merry state. I feel people’s emotions too. It’s shit, can’t cope with that. Feels awful… Right, who’s round is it??


    It’s best to be you and surround yourself with the kindest people you can find. Kind people will love you unconditionally and help you to see yourself in a more positive way. Surrounding yourself with Light and you will reflect that light. Sometimes it’s best to watch & learn from others. Don’t stop being yourself. When you need to share struggles, be real- it’s okay to be sad! But listen for suggestions ask balanced people for their insights. Be ready to live in a radically different way & accept LOVE!!


    I hear you, Rebecca. I’m the same way. I am awkward and shy and boring in regular life, but when I drink people like being with me. I have tried everything – being upbeat, friendly, positive, smiley, helpful, on and on, and I still don’t have love or close friends. My heart breaks every day because it seems everyone is married or dating except me. Men I’m interested in don’t want me. Its so hard – being sad every day. Trying my best but still, being unchosen, not wanted. I don’t see an end. These ideas on this site don’t work for people mired in sadness. I wish I had an answer. Nobody does, though. Good luck to you, I wish you happiness.


    Dear Rebecca i have been reading your notes but i believe everyone is created uniquely so is you too.You have a unique talent that no one has,believe in your self,be real and true..others may be dating and married..your day is gonna come for everything in life takes time..Look up to God and he will make a way for you.I believe you are beautiful inside out with an exceptional spirit..i wish you could stay in touch with me..kindly send me an email on [email protected] we talk more..take care and hav a blissful day..


Thank you for this beautiful voice 🙂 I feel like I love you now! lol :p


very nice and it is very useful to me.


There is something I would like to add to the list.
Do not care what others say or think.
I am in very difficult situation where I am married to selfish, rude, bully who ruined my career with not wanting to help me raising our two children or anything else. He was always disrespectful to me and my kids are now the same. And I am stuck in that situation. I am too old (68, I had my children when I was 52), I do not have job, no money, I cannot leave.
I live with 2 bullies (luckily one of my girls in nice person).
And I will try to be what is suggested above. I will try really hard. It is written on my whole body how unhappy I am. I am becoming mean. People hate me.

    A nna

    My dear lady. Why don’t you pretend to be silly and do funny things. Everybody in your family will be in a state of shock.. and they won’t know what to say. Pretend you are playing to be a clown. Laugh your head off. Pinch their butts.. pull their ears make funny faces. Speak like you are dum. And the new you will be loved a lot. Please give it s try and let me know how it’s going afterwords. I guarantee you be loved a lot. Just try it

Pamela Ezeako

I feel alone. No husband, children, friends or family love. No job or money. I opened a business that closed soon after because no body wants to relate with me. Whats wrong with me


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