13 Signs Of Emotionally Unavailable Women

You've been dating this woman for a while, but something just doesn't feel right. 

She's hot and cold, sending mixed signals that leave you scratching your head. 

You can't help but wonder if she's emotionally unavailable. 

It's a frustrating situation, but don't worry—you're not alone. 

Let’s explore 13 telltale signs that the woman you're seeing might be emotionally unavailable and what you can do about it.

What Causes a Woman to Be Emotionally Unavailable?

There could be a variety of reasons behind her emotional walls, and understanding them can help you navigate the situation better.

Here are some common causes of emotional unavailability in women:

  • Past relationship trauma: She may have been hurt badly in a previous relationship, making her hesitant to open up again.
  • Fear of vulnerability: Opening up emotionally can be scary, and she might be afraid of getting hurt or rejected.
  • Prioritizing independence: Some women value their independence highly and may fear losing it in a relationship.
  • Unresolved childhood issues: Childhood experiences, such as absent or emotionally distant parents, can contribute to emotional unavailability in adulthood.
  • Lack of self-awareness: She may not even realize she's emotionally unavailable, making it difficult for her to work on the issue.
  • Unhealthy coping mechanisms: Emotionally unavailable women may use unhealthy coping strategies, like excessive work or substance abuse, to avoid dealing with their emotions.
  • They are distracted: Women, like men, get immersed in other things like work, education, family, hobbies, and health concerns.

While these reasons can explain her behavior, they don't excuse it. It's ultimately up to her to work on her emotional availability if she wants to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

In many emotionally unavailable cases, several of the reasons overlap, so it’s hard to determine what the real issue is without professional help.

woman ignoring man emotionally unavailable woman

These women are hard to change unless they do the work and recognize the unavailable vibrations they are sending through their words, actions, and lack of compassion.

13 Signs of An Emotionally Unavailable Woman

These signs of an emotionally detached woman will lend some clarity to your relationship. Awareness is the first step toward positive action for both of you.

1. She Has Difficulty Sharing Her Feelings

Some women are quiet because they came that way.

These women have a hard time sharing any type of emotion because at an early age they got the message not to share them, or they did share them and emotional pain was the outcome.

Other women have a hard time putting the words together to express how they feel, so they keep quiet and act like nothing phases them.

2. She’s Not Interested in Knowing Who You Are

Some women like the concept of a relationship, but they don’t want to be in one.

If they dig too deep and discover who you really are, they run away, because that means they will have to share who they are.

And in most cases, sharing her life and feelings scares the crap out of her, so she acts like she’s not interested in knowing the real you.

3. She Fears Closeness and Doesn’t Want To Be Vulnerable

Relationships can be messy, so many women take the less bumpy road and focus on themselves instead of exposing themselves and being hurt by a man.

They like being alone because there are no questions to answer, and there’s no commitment to reinforce.

Being vulnerable is like being naked, and most women don’t like being that exposed in front of the world.

4. She Gets Defensive and Self-Protective When She Is Challenged

Women wear a mask in order to hide from relationship challenges.

They hide certain aspects of themselves in order to fit in or to put people in a non-threatening frame of mind.

Being with one person for life is a challenge for some women, so they cut and run, or they become defensive to hide their true feelings about relationships.

5. She Can’t Function When There’s Conflict

Women who are emotionally unavailable avoid conflicts at all costs.

Even when things are going great, they have a tendency to keep their guard up so they can escape when the first sign of a conflict appears.

Keeping necessary conflict at arm’s distance means nothing gets resolved or healed, so her love relationships are always on the verge of a breakdown.

6. She Blames Others and Avoids Personal Responsibility

She’ll make jokes in serious situations and is quick to blame and judge others.

Self-responsibility is not in her wheelhouse, but sarcasm and deflection are her calling cards.

When there’s an issue, she is quick to blame someone or something else for her mistakes or poor judgment. She may act helpless and needy so she doesn’t have to step up and own her stuff.

7. She Doesn’t Want A Committed Relationship

Emotionally unavailable women usually have bad taste when it comes to the men in their lives.

They like men who are also emotionally unavailable or guys who are in a relationship because they can keep things superficial.

She chooses men she knows can’t or won’t be there when it counts, and that’s fine because she doesn’t want to feel obliged to be there for them.

When a man who is emotionally available and unattached shows interest, these women run for the nearest exit or shuts down the relationship before it has a chance.

8. She Spends Time with A Partner When It’s Convenient For Her

Unavailable women are solo artists.

They build their world around them, and then interact with a partner when it suits their needs.

Compromising with a partner is a challenge, and they only agree to spend time in the relationship when they feel it will benefit them in some way.

Reading, watching movies, or going out with friends take precedence over time with their love interest, especially when these women want to avoid any type of interaction that may require a positive emotional response or more serious interaction.

9. She Has A Narcissistic Streak

Women who avoid emotional encounters of any kind are usually narcissists.

Their world revolves around themselves and what they believe is true. All other beliefs and needs are secondary, so they have no merit.

But these women can be very charming and engaging at first. They have the ability to hide their narcissistic ways until things don’t go their way.

When her back is up against the wall or her manipulative behaviors are exposed, the only person she cares about is herself.

10. She May Want Sex But Not Love

Emotionally unavailable women don’t mind having one-night stands.

And when they get into a relationship, sex is the bond that holds the relationship together.

Love and sex are strange bedfellows in the minds of these women, so sex trumps love because love is either too complicated or not something they relate to for a variety of selfish reasons.

11. She Is Often Distant And Aloof

Forget about flirting. These women are terrible flirts.

And if someone is flirting with them, they may not even notice the attention.

They may feel like they are not much of a catch, so being aloof comes naturally and being distant is their armor of choice when someone gets too close.

If their partner breaks down in front of them, they don’t know to react, so they half-heartedly pat them on the back while they look for someone to rescue them from the situation.

12. She Can’t See The Forest For The Trees

Most of these women could care less about personal growth, expanding their horizons, and breaking away from this destructive behavior.

They believe what they say and do is an essential part of who they are, and they shouldn’t have to change, even if their behavior hurts others.

The hurt is never their fault. They lack the self-awareness to analyze what they do and how they do it, because they think being emotionally detached is the best weapon or defense mechanism they have.

13. She Appears to Lack Depth

If you try to converse with her about deep or profound topics, her eyes glaze over. It's not that she's shallow (although she could be). It's more that she doesn't want to engage with you on that level.

She prefers to keep conversations light, breezy, and superficial. If you try to discuss the meaning of life or your latest “aha” moment, she'll redirect the conversation quickly or just shut you down.

Going down that path means she'd have to reveal too much of herself, which she's unwilling or unable to do.

Even though these emotionally stunted women are a handful when it comes to having an authentic connection, men still fall hard for them.

There is something weirdly alluring about a woman who doesn’t give a damn about anything but herself.

Men crave a challenge and having a relationship with a woman who appears unreachable is a serious endeavor.

Can An Emotionally Unavailable Woman Fall in Love ?

Here's the thing: emotionally unavailable women aren't robots. They have feelings, and they can fall in love. The problem is their emotional barriers can make it really tough for them to let those feelings develop and express them in a healthy way. 

She may need more time than you do to assess the relationship and determine whether or not she’s all in before she can open up.

Even if an emotionally unavailable woman does fall for you, she might struggle with vulnerability, intimacy, and commitment. It's not impossible for her to open up, but it often requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through her emotional blockages together.

Can An Emotionally Unavailable Woman Ever Change?

Can you ever reach through the defenses or the selfishness to build an intimate, healthy, and mutually respectful relationship?

It’s only possible if the woman’s pain, loneliness, and desire for something more authentic outweighs her need to cling to her past ways.

Even then, she will need to be honest with herself about her behaviors and how hurtful they have been, and do the work to change her mindset and actions.

This may require both individual and couple counseling with two very motivated people who sincerely desire to make the relationship work.

How Do I Deal with An Emotionally Unavailable Girlfriend?

Dealing with an emotionally unavailable girlfriend can be frustrating, confusing, and downright exhausting. But don't throw in the towel just yet – there are ways to navigate this tricky situation.

Communicate Openly and Honestly

The first step is to have an open, honest conversation with your girlfriend. Use “I” statements to express how her emotional distance makes you feel without blaming or attacking her. Let her know that you value the relationship and want to work together to strengthen your emotional connection.

Be Patient and Understanding

Remember, emotional unavailability often stems from past hurts or fears. Show your girlfriend patience and understanding as she works through her issues. Don't pressure her to open up faster than she's comfortable with – this will likely only make her withdraw further.

Focus on Building Trust

Emotionally unavailable people often struggle with trust. Make it a priority to create a safe, nonjudgmental space where your girlfriend feels comfortable being vulnerable. Consistency is key—show up for her, follow through on your promises, and be a reliable presence in her life.

Set Healthy Boundaries

While it's important to be supportive, don't neglect your own emotional needs in the process. Set clear, healthy boundaries around what you will and won't accept in the relationship. Communicate these boundaries kindly but firmly, and be prepared to follow through if they're consistently violated.

Suggest Counseling

If she blames you when she does something stupid, or only spends time with you when she thinks it serves her purpose, she may just be immature and needs some relationship coaching or counseling to help her learn how mature relationships work.

How to Know When to Break Up with An Emotionally Detached Woman

If there are no signs of change or if the relationship is only about sex, it may be time to rethink your personal priorities.

Being close to someone who is emotionally absent takes a lot of patience and hard work that may not pay off.

Some men would rather cut bait, and look for another relationship that doesn’t have the excess baggage that a dysfunctional relationship has.

If you aren’t sure about whether or not you should continue to pursue your relationship with a woman who isn’t investing emotionally, talk to a counselor and describe the behaviors you are seeing.

A good relationship counselor can help you make the right decision for your own mental health and happiness moving forward.

Final Thoughts

Men are often the emotionally unavailable culprits in a relationship, but millions of women have the same unavailable vibration. They may not know how to handle a woman who is emotionally unavailable because their hearts are beating with love, and their minds are saying she’ll change.

These 13 signs that your lady isn't emotionally available to you should help you know the best path forward for both of you.